Cranked it out in a half hour, baby
INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT.
The bedroom of an eighteen-year-old guy. Posters on the wall, books scattered around, a fish tank etc. A young man with emo hair is lying on his bed staring blankly at his slowly turning ceiling fan. This is JAMES. The sounds and pounds of hard lovemaking are filling the modest home. JAMES is still staring up, not entirely blankly. His eyes are blank in that he doesn’t seem fully aware of his surroundings. But he is clearly brooding and angry as he tries to block out what he is hearing. Flashes of scenes with no sound are shown as the camera closes in on his eyes. Close ups of guns firing. A MAN diving behind a table. A WOMAN using herself as a shield to cover a young boy, who is intended to be a YOUNG JAMES. A close-up of YOUNG JAMES’ face from the side, a silhouette, as dark blood runs down it and the WOMAN above him falls into a death slump. In reality, JAMES rises, with an almost malicious intent in his movement and reaches under his bed. After rummaging around for a moment, he pulls out an elaborate katana, or a samurai sword, of fairly high value in a sheath. He walks over to his closet, still holding his sheathed sword, and takes out some samurai armor. He puts it on, and sticks his sword in his belt. Then he climbs out the window to the sound of the two mystery lovers, apparent orgasm.
TITLE CARD
EXT. STREET. NIGHT
JAMES walks down the street looking totally ridiculous. It’s a main street in the city that would normally be full of traffic in the day but is traffickless now. A homeless man standing in the doorway recedes into a shadow. A young woman he walks by stares at him with utter fear, not fear of an unpredictable psycho, but fear of a dangerous person. Two drunk men stumbling along the other side of the street. One of them laughs.
LAUGHING DRUNK GUY
Hey check out Ryu over there!
STREET SAVVY DRUNK GUY stops dead in his tracks and sobers up. He whispers something into LAUGHING DRUNK GUY’s ear. LAUGHING DRUNK GUY goes stone faced.
LAUGHING DRUNK GUY
Oh shit. I’m sorry, sir!!!
JAMES shoots him a glare from his shadow-enshrouded face, and turns into an alley.
EXT. ALLEY. NIGHT.
JAMES is leaning against a street lamppost smoking a cigarette with one hand on his sword. It’s a smoky alley. He looks like he’s waiting. From out of the smoke in the background come several silhouettes. The camera moves in to focus on the front three as the walk out of the smoke. The first is a BLACK GUY with an afro and samurai gear. The second is a JEW with big Woody Allen glasses and samurai gear. The third is an IRISH GUY with a crucifix around his neck and Colin Farrel-esque facial hair. JAMES throws his cigarette down and approaches them. All of their cold faces suddenly brighten up a little as they see each other.
IRISH GUY
There you are, James, ya li’l fuckass, ya,
JAMES
‘Ey Seamus. ‘Ey Morris. ‘Ey Abdul.
MORRIS
Yeah hey James
ABDUL
What it is James.
JAMES
Where the fuck have you guys been? I’ve been standing here like an asshole for hours.
They start to walk down the alley together; the five or so nameless henchmen following close behind.
MORRIS
Jeez I’m really sorry, ya know…I had just an awful sinus headache and it just wouldn’t go away. It took them a minute to get me out of the house. My mother was just furious. I had to tell her I was going to Temple for late night Torah studies.
SEAMUS
Aye, Morris ya wee fucker. Nearly had me kicken the shit outta ya with your boo hoo hooin' about ya fuckin head achin. I tell ya the Jews really are something!
MORRIS
Jeez yeah the Catholic wants to talk to me about religion. Yeah that’s real great.
ABDUL
Keep cool mutha fuckas. I ain’t havin you two fuckin’ arguin’ all night over the same old shit again. I want to get this fuckin’ council meeting over with so we can go get some pussy, ya heard?
SEAMUS
Amen, brother
They exit the alley and start walking down a tree-lined sidestreet.
EXT. SIDESTREET. NIGHT.
MORRIS
Come on take this seriously. We don’t want this ending badly and people getting hurt. Last time you cowboys pulled something at a meeting, I ended up with a slashed up arm. I’m tellin’ ya it hurt like hell, it did.
ABDUL
I ain’t no fuckin cowboy. Don’t call me a cowboy.
SEAMUS
Aw come on the cowboys aren’t that bad. At least he didn’t call you a ninja.
ABDUL
Goddammit don’t even say the word ninja to me. Don’t say ninja, don’t say Shinobi, don’t even say the word “stealth” in front of me.
They continue walking but now in silence. This whole time JAMES has been walking silently smoking a cigarette and thinking to himself.
SEAMUS
Whattaya think of all of this, James?
JAMES
(as if waking up from a dream) Huh?
SEAMUS
What’s your opinion on all o’ this hootin and hollerin.
JAMES
Let’s just hurry up and get this shit over with…
They approach a tall chain link fence and jump over.
EXT. EMPTY LOT. NIGHT.
The Samurai gang walks into a single large pool of light to join two other groups. One group is dressed as cowboys. The other as pirates. They are visibly annoyed.
MAIN COWBOY
Look who decided to join us…
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Arrrgh ye scalawags are late, ya are.
SEAMUS
Eh blow me, Captain Morgan
MORRIS nudges SEAMUS
MORRIS
(under his breath) Get into character, would ya? (to the other groups) A thousand apologies. I fell ill and required my companions to wait on me. Have those from the north arrived yet?
MAIN COWBOY
No…I reckon those Ninjas haven’t shown up yet.
Everyone looks pissed off. ABDUL and JAMES are grinding their teeth.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Yaargh I suspect foul play afoot.
MORRIS
This is certainly not boding well.
ABDUL
(under his breath, to JAMES) If these assholes would just show up to their own meeting…
JAMES
(under his breath. To himself.) They’re own meeting…
SEAMUS
Ah Christ.
Quick shadows dance across the pool of light. Their source completely unknown. Everyone looks around nervously. The sinking feeling of being lured into a trap is setting in on them. Suddenly a few ninja stars fly in and hit some anonymous henchmen from the different groups in the legs.
SEAMUS
(More urgently) Ah Christ!
Suddenly a bunch of guys in ninja uniforms flip into the pool of light and surround the pirates, attacking with their swords. The pirates draw their swords. Some try to draw their flintshot pistols and are cut down before they can cock and fire. A sword battle between the pirates and the ninjas ensues. A ninja in a very dark red outfit attacks the PIRATE CAPTAIN. He is the NINJA LEADER. The cowboys start shooting off shots into the air, but seem not so interested in getting involved. Cut back to the samurais
ABDUL
They’re breaking the rules they wrote! No traps and no unnecessary kills! And those cowboy bitches ain’t doin’ shit! Let’s take these mothafuckas down!
MORRIS
Wait!
ABDUL grabs most of the henchmen and runs into the fray which now has a couple of seriously wounded and possibly dead bodies lying around, predominantly pirates.
SEAMUS
Ah what the Christ!
SEAMUS runs off screen to join. Camera stays on MORRIS who is appalled. Then focuses in on JAMES in the foreground, who is on one knee with his eyes closed, with his sword in front of him, touching perpendicular to the ground, almost as if in prayer. But his face is the same as the one he had in the opening scene in his bedroom while flashing back. He snaps his eyes open, which are full of fear and rage. He grabs his sword and sprints off screen. The sounds of a sword being unsheathed and several simeultaneous screams are heard.
None of this is final. I just wanted to get something down to show Dr. X. That's what I call my teacher. I feel weird calliing him a professor because he's not very professorly. He's gay and talks about how cute Brad Pitt is and how sexy Conan is during class time. He's a great man I'm sure mad revisions will be made so this is less...cliché and stupid.
For fun: count how many things I rip off. I count two clear ones, though several other things could be construed as ripoffs.
The bedroom of an eighteen-year-old guy. Posters on the wall, books scattered around, a fish tank etc. A young man with emo hair is lying on his bed staring blankly at his slowly turning ceiling fan. This is JAMES. The sounds and pounds of hard lovemaking are filling the modest home. JAMES is still staring up, not entirely blankly. His eyes are blank in that he doesn’t seem fully aware of his surroundings. But he is clearly brooding and angry as he tries to block out what he is hearing. Flashes of scenes with no sound are shown as the camera closes in on his eyes. Close ups of guns firing. A MAN diving behind a table. A WOMAN using herself as a shield to cover a young boy, who is intended to be a YOUNG JAMES. A close-up of YOUNG JAMES’ face from the side, a silhouette, as dark blood runs down it and the WOMAN above him falls into a death slump. In reality, JAMES rises, with an almost malicious intent in his movement and reaches under his bed. After rummaging around for a moment, he pulls out an elaborate katana, or a samurai sword, of fairly high value in a sheath. He walks over to his closet, still holding his sheathed sword, and takes out some samurai armor. He puts it on, and sticks his sword in his belt. Then he climbs out the window to the sound of the two mystery lovers, apparent orgasm.
TITLE CARD
EXT. STREET. NIGHT
JAMES walks down the street looking totally ridiculous. It’s a main street in the city that would normally be full of traffic in the day but is traffickless now. A homeless man standing in the doorway recedes into a shadow. A young woman he walks by stares at him with utter fear, not fear of an unpredictable psycho, but fear of a dangerous person. Two drunk men stumbling along the other side of the street. One of them laughs.
LAUGHING DRUNK GUY
Hey check out Ryu over there!
STREET SAVVY DRUNK GUY stops dead in his tracks and sobers up. He whispers something into LAUGHING DRUNK GUY’s ear. LAUGHING DRUNK GUY goes stone faced.
LAUGHING DRUNK GUY
Oh shit. I’m sorry, sir!!!
JAMES shoots him a glare from his shadow-enshrouded face, and turns into an alley.
EXT. ALLEY. NIGHT.
JAMES is leaning against a street lamppost smoking a cigarette with one hand on his sword. It’s a smoky alley. He looks like he’s waiting. From out of the smoke in the background come several silhouettes. The camera moves in to focus on the front three as the walk out of the smoke. The first is a BLACK GUY with an afro and samurai gear. The second is a JEW with big Woody Allen glasses and samurai gear. The third is an IRISH GUY with a crucifix around his neck and Colin Farrel-esque facial hair. JAMES throws his cigarette down and approaches them. All of their cold faces suddenly brighten up a little as they see each other.
IRISH GUY
There you are, James, ya li’l fuckass, ya,
JAMES
‘Ey Seamus. ‘Ey Morris. ‘Ey Abdul.
MORRIS
Yeah hey James
ABDUL
What it is James.
JAMES
Where the fuck have you guys been? I’ve been standing here like an asshole for hours.
They start to walk down the alley together; the five or so nameless henchmen following close behind.
MORRIS
Jeez I’m really sorry, ya know…I had just an awful sinus headache and it just wouldn’t go away. It took them a minute to get me out of the house. My mother was just furious. I had to tell her I was going to Temple for late night Torah studies.
SEAMUS
Aye, Morris ya wee fucker. Nearly had me kicken the shit outta ya with your boo hoo hooin' about ya fuckin head achin. I tell ya the Jews really are something!
MORRIS
Jeez yeah the Catholic wants to talk to me about religion. Yeah that’s real great.
ABDUL
Keep cool mutha fuckas. I ain’t havin you two fuckin’ arguin’ all night over the same old shit again. I want to get this fuckin’ council meeting over with so we can go get some pussy, ya heard?
SEAMUS
Amen, brother
They exit the alley and start walking down a tree-lined sidestreet.
EXT. SIDESTREET. NIGHT.
MORRIS
Come on take this seriously. We don’t want this ending badly and people getting hurt. Last time you cowboys pulled something at a meeting, I ended up with a slashed up arm. I’m tellin’ ya it hurt like hell, it did.
ABDUL
I ain’t no fuckin cowboy. Don’t call me a cowboy.
SEAMUS
Aw come on the cowboys aren’t that bad. At least he didn’t call you a ninja.
ABDUL
Goddammit don’t even say the word ninja to me. Don’t say ninja, don’t say Shinobi, don’t even say the word “stealth” in front of me.
They continue walking but now in silence. This whole time JAMES has been walking silently smoking a cigarette and thinking to himself.
SEAMUS
Whattaya think of all of this, James?
JAMES
(as if waking up from a dream) Huh?
SEAMUS
What’s your opinion on all o’ this hootin and hollerin.
JAMES
Let’s just hurry up and get this shit over with…
They approach a tall chain link fence and jump over.
EXT. EMPTY LOT. NIGHT.
The Samurai gang walks into a single large pool of light to join two other groups. One group is dressed as cowboys. The other as pirates. They are visibly annoyed.
MAIN COWBOY
Look who decided to join us…
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Arrrgh ye scalawags are late, ya are.
SEAMUS
Eh blow me, Captain Morgan
MORRIS nudges SEAMUS
MORRIS
(under his breath) Get into character, would ya? (to the other groups) A thousand apologies. I fell ill and required my companions to wait on me. Have those from the north arrived yet?
MAIN COWBOY
No…I reckon those Ninjas haven’t shown up yet.
Everyone looks pissed off. ABDUL and JAMES are grinding their teeth.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Yaargh I suspect foul play afoot.
MORRIS
This is certainly not boding well.
ABDUL
(under his breath, to JAMES) If these assholes would just show up to their own meeting…
JAMES
(under his breath. To himself.) They’re own meeting…
SEAMUS
Ah Christ.
Quick shadows dance across the pool of light. Their source completely unknown. Everyone looks around nervously. The sinking feeling of being lured into a trap is setting in on them. Suddenly a few ninja stars fly in and hit some anonymous henchmen from the different groups in the legs.
SEAMUS
(More urgently) Ah Christ!
Suddenly a bunch of guys in ninja uniforms flip into the pool of light and surround the pirates, attacking with their swords. The pirates draw their swords. Some try to draw their flintshot pistols and are cut down before they can cock and fire. A sword battle between the pirates and the ninjas ensues. A ninja in a very dark red outfit attacks the PIRATE CAPTAIN. He is the NINJA LEADER. The cowboys start shooting off shots into the air, but seem not so interested in getting involved. Cut back to the samurais
ABDUL
They’re breaking the rules they wrote! No traps and no unnecessary kills! And those cowboy bitches ain’t doin’ shit! Let’s take these mothafuckas down!
MORRIS
Wait!
ABDUL grabs most of the henchmen and runs into the fray which now has a couple of seriously wounded and possibly dead bodies lying around, predominantly pirates.
SEAMUS
Ah what the Christ!
SEAMUS runs off screen to join. Camera stays on MORRIS who is appalled. Then focuses in on JAMES in the foreground, who is on one knee with his eyes closed, with his sword in front of him, touching perpendicular to the ground, almost as if in prayer. But his face is the same as the one he had in the opening scene in his bedroom while flashing back. He snaps his eyes open, which are full of fear and rage. He grabs his sword and sprints off screen. The sounds of a sword being unsheathed and several simeultaneous screams are heard.
None of this is final. I just wanted to get something down to show Dr. X. That's what I call my teacher. I feel weird calliing him a professor because he's not very professorly. He's gay and talks about how cute Brad Pitt is and how sexy Conan is during class time. He's a great man I'm sure mad revisions will be made so this is less...cliché and stupid.
For fun: count how many things I rip off. I count two clear ones, though several other things could be construed as ripoffs.