Love over Lust
Title: Love over Lust- Ichigo’s side
Author: Megan
Paring: Grimmjow/Ichigo
Rating: R
Warnings: sexual themes, swearing, ANGST, AU from storyline
Disclaimer: Hi. I don’t own Bleach, or the song. Bleach is Kubo Tite sama’s, and 千の夜をこえて belongs to Aqua Timez.
Summary: Ichigo has given up on trying to tell himself he doesn’t love the Sexta Espada. But what does Grimmjow think of him? This is for
kamikaze43v3r for sticking by me and telling me to get things done. THANK YOU!! (Also, I just wanna see you cry ;) )
“I want you to love me, but I don’t think you will”
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It’s the only answer I have, even if I’m scared of getting hurt
I’ll say “I love you” to the person I love.
“Grimmjow!” His voice was never filled with hate when he called that name now. Instead, the young Shinigami called it with eagerness. “How… how long are you here for?”
The teal hair blew around in the light breeze that past through the window Grimmjow was currently perched in. “Ya miss me Ichi? I was only gone for a few days.” A smirk crossed a tanned face. “Yer in luck. I can stay a few days. Aizen has us doin’ our own thing back in Hueco Mundo, so he shouldn’t be lookin’ for me any time soon.”
The strawberry looked some what relieved. “Really… that’s… nice.” The smirk turned into a mischievous smirk.
“Damn right it is. Now I’ve got more time ta have my way with ya!”
Ichigo always blushed madly when the Sexta was forward with him. “L-like hell you will!” The red tinge faded slowly, the teen looking at his feet as Grimmjow advanced on him. “Grimm?”
“What?”
‘Say it… you have to say it!’ “I… I…lo-…lo-…(*)” His words came out squeaked and barely audible. The Espada looked down confused.
“I’m great? Heh… didn’t know you were so blunt, Ichi. Yeah, I am pretty great, ain’t I? Really great in bed.”
The poor boy scowled. “That’s not what I was trying to say!” ‘I love you, you fucker!’ “I-.”
“Whatever, Shinigami. Common, lets fuck!”
Do you love me or not?
I don’t care what the answer is, I just need to know!
No matter how badly I desire to be with you,
There are many unchangeable things in this world,
And my love for you
Can’t be stopped by anyone.
Ichigo, sometimes, would wonder how they had not been caught yet. He was sure their act of “love making” was very loud, and was surprised his family had not caught on yet. Perhaps they just figured the constant thumping of the bed against the wall and the moans they heard was Ichigo having a nightmare. Yeah, a nightmare he got off too.
“Fuck Grimm! Do that… do that again!”
“Ya don’t have ta tell me twice!” His thrusting was at bruising speed, and the orange haired teen knew he’d be sore for a good week. “Fuck, ya get really tight when I do that. Shit I really love it…”
The Shinigami representative heard those words a lot. But he longed to be the object of Grimmjow’s affection. He knew the Sexta only loved screwing the teen. Some how, that was good enough for Ichigo.
He was moaning loud now, clinging limply to strong shoulders. “Ahn… Grimmjow… harder!”
“Any harder and you’ll break, Shinigami! Besides, yer gunna yell at me for it after. Ya always do.”
“Fuck it Grimm! I need-nnh!-need it harder!”
The Arrankar growled. “Hnn-… Don’t say I didn’t warn ya!”
A scream erupted from Ichigo, and seconds later a grunt from the teal haired hollow he was connected to. Grimmjow sighed, obviously satisfied, and looked down at the panting teen.
“I don’t get ya, berry. Some day we’re gunna get caught, ya know.”
Ichigo struggled to make eye contact. “Yeah, I know.”
A snort. “But ya still wanna continue?”
A smile broke the flushed face. “‘Course. I don’t give a damn about what other people think any more.”
The hollow grinned. “Good. Then let’s go for another round.”
As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you…
I have to let you know,
”I want you to love me, but I don’t think you will.”
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It’s the only answer I have, even if I’m scared of getting hurt
I’ll say “I love you” to the person I love.
Putting these feelings into words is so scary, but
I’ll say “I love you” to the person I love.
‘Why do I put myself through this if I already know the answer?’ Ichigo couldn’t figure it out. Grimmjow was no where near being a nice, kind lover. He just was what he is; hollow of all emotions except the seven sins. And the Sexta was sure big on lust.
“Common Ichi! I should be using this time to ‘train’ or something, but I come down here to see you. Now let’s fuck!”
“Grimmjow…” ‘I can’t believe I am about to ask this…’ “Can’t we do something more then just… screw?”
Blue eyes blinked. “More? Like what?”
Fidgeting. “I don’t know… why don’t we just… go out somewhere?”
More blinking. “…Like a date?”
“NO!!”
“I can take ya on a date if ya want Ichi, but it’ll be hard. I mean… not many people can see me, and you’ll look weird talking to yourself-.”
“Ok ok I get it!” Broad shoulders shrugged. “We can at least find something… else to do…”
As if the red tinge on the teen’s face wasn’t enough of a hint, Grimmjow was certain the Shinigami was trying to tell him something. “What are ya tryin’ ta say, Shinigami?”
“You know! Can’t we just…” Hands waved around in front of the teen, think he was trying to make conversation with his hands. “Like…-.”
“Ya askin’ me ta cuddle you…. Ichi?” The teen looked about ready to pop. “…Weirdo.”
“I am not weird, Grimmjow! It’s a normal thing that normal couples do-.”
“So, we are a normal couple then? Normal couples are Shinigami and Hollow, then? Normal couples-.”
“Jesus you’re an ass. If you’re going to be such a fucking bastard-.”
“Oi! Did I say I wasn’t goin’ to? Fuck, ya sure freak out easily. Come ‘ere…”
Staring accusingly at the other, Ichigo slowly made his way over to where the Arrankar sat on his bed. Taking a seat next to him, he gasped as he was suddenly pulled onto a lap and arms wrapped around him. “See ‘ere? I guess it wasn’t so bad then. Yer just short enough.”
A vein throbbed. “Fuck you.”
“But we just got ta cuddling…” Blue eyes smiled as the hollow felt the body below him heat up with embarrassment.
The happiness we chance upon in our lives can’t be expressed in words,
That’s why we can only smile.
Why we sing “Do Re Mi” among the vivid autumn colors,
With winter at our backs, and the spring sunbeams peaking through the leaves
As to protect someone who’s just been reborn.
“Fuck… fuck get IN here!” A strong arm grabbed another and pulled it into an alleyway, taking the rest of the body with it. Moments later, two bodies ran past the back street.
“Shit… oh hell… oh fuck. I’m so dead. They’re gunna find us Grimm! We can’t keep hiding like this forever!”
“Well, are ya sure they saw us?”
“Rukia said ‘Hey Ichigo!’ and ran after us! If you had only hidden YOURSELF without dragging ME with you, we wouldn’t be being chased by two Shinigami at the moment!”
“Oh, so ya WANTED me to just leave ya there ta have ta explain yerself? Fine! Then let’s go find them and I’ll just let ya ‘explain’ yerself!”
“I could have bluffed it! Are you saying I can’t lie? Maybe she wouldn’t have seen you-.”
“Maybe not, but ya smell like me, berry, and that’s enough ta get them a little more then suspicious.”
Chocolate eyes narrowed and looked away, the red tinge that seemed to like the teenage face reappearing. “Only you would be able to smell something like that, you bastard.”
Teal hair blew softly as the Arrankar looked around the corner. He closed his eyes, but opened them a moment later. “Alright, they’re gone. For now at least. You better get back to your house before they come back this way.”
“Are you… leaving?”
“Of course dumb ass! What, you think it’s worth it to get caught with you by some Shinigami…” The Sexta Espada quickly shut his mouth as he saw bright eyes widen with hurt. “Now… ya know that’s not what I meant-.”
“Obviously it is, Grimmjow. Well fine… if I am not worth it, I might as well just go then.”
“Ichi…”
A cold back turned to face the Arrankar. “You know, I may not be worth it to you Grimmjow, but if you were in my situation, you would be worth it to me.”
The hollow let out a growl as the orange haired teen disappeared. Bits of rock flew as a fist smashed into a near-by building. “…Fucking Shinigami.”
As I looked at the road I’d travelled and the path ahead, my eyes were filled with cowardice.
I wanted to look into your eyes, but was afraid I wouldn’t be honest.
I didn't want to know that you didn’t love me
And live the rest of my days all alone
That day, I kept on loving you without getting hurt.
“Ichigo! Ichigo stop! Ichigo we just wanna talk!” The door slammed shut before the raven haired girl could reach the teen.
Cautiously putting a hand on the wood, Rukia closed her eyes. “Do you just not trust Renji and I? Are we not friends any more, Ichigo?”
There was silence, until, “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Wouldn’t understand what, Ichigo? We just want to know why you were with that Arrankar and why you weren’t fighting. If you two… if you two have managed to form an alliance-.”
“You don’t have to worry about Grimmjow anymore, Rukia. I am not worth the danger for us to continue this type of relationship.”
The small Shinigami opened her eyes wide. “Ichigo… you-.”
“I understand that you just wanna help, I get that. But there are some things I can’t and shouldn’t share with you. This is one of them. You will just have to take my word for it.”
The orange haired teen paused as he listened to the breathing on the other side of the door. “Do you love him?”
Fists clench. “…I do.”
“Do you trust him?”
“As much as any of you, Rukia.”
“Then… ok. I won’t ask you any more.” Ichigo moved off the door and opened it, staring down at the unseated Shinigami. “I’ll trust you then. But hear me when I say this. Renji and I will keep this to ourselves for as long as we feel safe. Should this ever become a threat-.”
“I know. Don’t worry. I will stop it before it ever gets there.”
Purple eyes look hopingly up into chocolate ones. “You think you can do that?”
A soft smile. “Of course.”
As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you…
I have to let you know,
”I want you to love me, but I don’t think you will”
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It’s the only answer I have, even if I’m scared of getting hurt
I’ll say “I love you” to the person I love
Even if my feelings aren’t returned, I can say “I love you” to the one I love…
And that’s the most beautiful thing in the world.
Blue eyes watched as a body slept soundly. Making his mind up, the Arrankar descended to the windowsill and tapped lightly on the glass. Warm brown ones opened quickly as the teen looked up, moving to open the window.
“Grimmjow… I didn’t think… you’d be back so soon.”
A shrug. “Yeah well… if I had stayed away any longer, I’m sure ya would have cock blocked me fer longer then I already am.”
Ichigo smiled. “Yeah, I could have.”
Eyes met slowly, blue ones taunting the darker, until they were inches apart.
“Grimmjow… I… I need to tell you that I… I-.”
“I get it, berry. Yer not that hard ta read.”
Lips brush gently, calloused hands gripping a white jacket. “Then…”
“Yeah… I suppose you are worth it.”
----fin~
(*)- in the story, when Ichigo is trying to say something and is stuttering (the first time) he want's to say "I love you" which in Japanese (because they are speaking in Japanese) is anata wa daisuki... anata meaning you and daisuki meaning really like/love. Dai means great or big. So, all Grimmjow can hear out of Ichigo's mouth is "Anata wa... anata wa... da-dai...dai..." so roughly "You... you are...yer great..." or so. I just thought I would play with the words for kicks.
**And for anyone that would like the Japanese version of it, here it is!:
愛されたいでも愛そうとしない
その繰り返しのなかを彷徨って
僕が見つけた答え一つ怖くたって傷付いたって
好きな人には好きって伝えるんだ
あなたが僕を愛してるか愛してないか
なんてことはもうどっちでもいいんだ
どんなに願い望もうが
この世界には変えられぬものが沢山あるだろう
そうそして僕があなたを愛してるという事実だけは
誰にも変えられぬ真実だから
千の夜をこえてあなたに伝えたい
伝えなきゃならないことがある
愛されたいでも愛そうとしない
その繰り返しのなかを彷徨って
僕が見つけた答え一つ怖くたって傷付いたって
好きな人には好きって伝えるんだ
気持ちを言葉にするのは怖いよでも
好きな人には好きって伝えるんだ
この広い世界で巡り合う喜びを言葉じゃ言い表せないね
だから僕達は微笑み
色鮮やかに過ぎる秋をドレムで唄って
冬を背に春の木漏れ日を待ち
新しく生まれ変わる誰かを守れるようにと
来た道と行き先振り返ればいつでも臆病な目をしていた僕
向き合いたいでも素直になれない
まっすぐに相手を愛せない日々を
繰り返してはひとりぼっちを嫌がった
あの日の僕は無傷なままで人を愛そうとしていた
千の夜をこえて今あなたに会いに行こう
伝えなきゃならないことがある
愛されたいでも愛そうとしない
その繰り返しのなかを彷徨って
僕が見つけた答え一つ怖くたって傷付いたって
好きな人には好きって伝えるんだ
その想いが叶わなくたって好きな人に好きって伝える
それはこと世界で一番素敵なことさ