One Wedding and a Funeral
I went to the funeral for my aunt and my cousins today. I think, that as funerals go, it was an amazing service. I love seeing my family, but it takes me time to realize it. It is very difficult dealing with the realities of life and death sometimes. I wasn't particularly upset over the death of my relatives, a fact which makes me feel guilty, but I was rather upset over the circumstances in general. It was awkward at first, being with all of these people that I hardly ever see, and with these people that I've never met before, but once you start making an effort to talk to people and to listen, it gets much easier, and enriching. I woke up last night at four in the morning in a cold sweat. I apologize, by the way, but my journal entries have a way of devolving into a stream of consciousness. I'd been dreaming that I was driving my Mom's van with Chris Cameron riding in one of the back seats. We were having a conversation, but I don't remember what it was about. Suddenly Lizzie was riding in the back seat too, and I asked her some question. She responded angrily regarding some transgression I'd committed and made some reference to her new boyfriend. I began to speak to defend myself and I turned to touch her shoulder, but then I suddenly awoke. I thought about her a lot today, way too much. Seeing all these palatial Atlanta mansions, hearing about how all my relatives got married, seeing all of my beautiful, happy cousins, and I just desperately missed having somebody to share things with. After the service at the church, my relatives all drove to my Aunt Carol's house. They have a beautiful, comfortable house in the rich suburbs of Atlanta off of Peachtree Battle Street. I was able to talk to the husband of my Cousin Allison briefly regarding the software business. it was nice to share some common ground. I also, for the first time, actually carried on a conversation with my Uncle John Cherry. I asked him how things were going with him and he opened up and told me all about the commercial real estate business. It was very refreshing to have a conversation with one of my relatives here. In the past I've been uncomfortable around them and terrified of actually carrying on a conversation. It made me, for once, feel like an adult. It cheered me up. I came back here to my Grandmother's house, made myself an gin and tonic at the bar, and sat down in the library to strum my mandolin. I only came to the computer to check the proper definition of the word "knave," but I felt like venting a little bit.