Entiatroria
Penelope was a 17-year-old girl in New Zealand. She was a lovely person. I got acquainted with her on LJ as a result of both of us being libertarians. We had some great conversations. But now she's dead from a tumor in her brain. It's times like this that I appreciate being an atheist, because I don't expect any good decisions to be made by an
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My brother lives in Auckland. Late last year I asked him to keep an eye on death notices. He looked in what he said was the obvious place - New Zealand Herald obituaries - and found nothing at that stage. I took over looking, and there has never been an obituary notice for her, which did rather puzzle me. I thought perhaps there was some other paper it could have been in, or maybe her parents wanted to keep it all very private. Just checked again; definitely nothing.
After her LJs disappeared, I Googled her name, and found a painting under her name online and reference to another with an Ayn Rand theme, so it was obviously her. Someone had written under her name, ‘RIP 1993-2011’. That confirmed for me her death. However I found other stuff too. Apparently she did well in debating in her final year of school. (Early in the year, I supposed.) And she had been on another social site called Solo, though not very active. What niggled were the photos associated with these two items, showing her plumper and plainer than those we have been used to, also her hair was lighter. However they were very small snaps, and there was enough facial resemblance that they could still have been her with a bit of weight on, and girls do change their hair colour. There was also the one of her in that play, which she did post on LJ, and I found it again online. Again, not quite like, and yet, conceivably….
When I first read of the tumour, I was upset and ashamed because although I am a Reiki Master and it is natural for me to go into ‘absent healing’ mode in such circumstances, it was as if I was frozen. Eventually I consulted a good friend who is an excellent psychic. She had never heard of Penelope up until that pojnt. Her first, spontaneous response was, ‘So Penny’s dying - oh, REALLY?’ and she asked for my evidence that it was true. I mentioned the photo with the shaved head (which, now that I think of it, didn’t show her face) and just the ring of truth in the posts. And I reiterated that she was Penelope, not Penny. I thought my friend had tuned into the wrong person somehow. She took my word for it, and what she then got was that the reason I had done so little was because it was not up to me to heal Penelope; she needed to do that for herself.
When I Googled, I also found a MySpace profile, in which she used the name Penny. It was ‘friends only’ and most MySpace profiles were abandoned long ago anyway, so I didn’t explore further. But it seems my friend was tuning in correctly all along. And that perhaps my own instincts were working better than I knew.
I would say she is a very sick girl and does indeed need to heal herself. I am not yet feeing angry; don’t know if I will. Anyone who could be so callous or unaware about the pain she has caused us and others must be very mentally disturbed indeed. And OK, so I have been through intense grief, but I survived it and it is the measure of who I am. You also are caring people. We have been betrayed, but we have nothing to reproach ourselves with. She was VERY convincing!
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