How far can the word "Loser" take me....?
I think I just ran a mile around it.
I thought I was in control. I thought I had a handle on things. I guess I'm the biggest loser of them all.
******,
I am writing you this E-mail because I need to get a few things off my chest. I've been wanting to talk to you all day but for whatever reason I haven't been able to get through to you. Whether it was that you wouldn't answer your phone, wouldn't respond to text messages, or you simply weren't inviting-- I never could get you to listen. I've been feeling this way for quite some time and last night it blew up in my face. I am a little unsure of the true nature of this problem so pardon me if I fumble it a bit.
Last night you went out with a group of your friends and that bothered me. Not because you were out with them, but because the year and a half that we were together you always acted like you had none. I know I usually said no when you wanted me to go play poker but that was only because I never felt comfortable around the guys from the Fire Department. Correct me if I'm wrong, but these weren't those guys. Most of them I had never even heard of. Now I don't know if you were ashamed of me, or if I had met some of them and they didn't like me, but it feels like it may be both of those things. That's part of why I was so unhappy last night. All I ever wanted to do was go and hang out with you and other people. You and your friends and you and mine. When I think about our relationship, the most consistently fun part was when we would go out on the weekends. Hang out with a group of people. Socialize.
I know it's not your problem but last night I really felt like I was a loser. I felt like I didn't have any friends. Shonda doesn't like to go out and do things, she likes to stick with the same crowd. Elizabeth was the one I used go out with but she's pregnant and never wants to leave the house. I don't have any friends to do things with and I guess in a sense I was jealous. Jealous that you wouldn't go out and have fun when we were together but now that's all you seem to do. You drink, you party and you have fun. What was it about me? Why didn't you ever want to do those things when we were together? Do you realize that's the biggest part of why we broke up?
I wanted to talk to you last night more than anything. I wanted your company and I sent you several text messages. I realize that you were busy having fun but the short and unfeeling answers you sent me only made me feel worse. I waited for you to call me but you never did. Ever since I realized that you weren't going to I was angry. I was angry that you say you love me and that I'm an important person in your life yet you don't treat me like one. I told you that I would like for you to come over once you were done hanging out and you never replied. You could have said no, you could have said anything, but you didn't. You didn't respond at all. Can you imagine how that makes me feel?
I guess I just feel stupid. I know that you don't have to answer any of these questions and I know that you don't have to explain anything to me. I only want you to know how I feel. Like I said, my loneliness isn't your problem, but the way you contribute to it makes it yours. I'm not asking you to change. All I want is for you to acknowledge that you make me feel this way and say that you're sorry, or that you aren't, or that if I don't like it then stop calling. Say anything.
Sincerely,
Krista
I thought I was in control. I thought I had a handle on things. I guess I'm the biggest loser of them all.
******,
I am writing you this E-mail because I need to get a few things off my chest. I've been wanting to talk to you all day but for whatever reason I haven't been able to get through to you. Whether it was that you wouldn't answer your phone, wouldn't respond to text messages, or you simply weren't inviting-- I never could get you to listen. I've been feeling this way for quite some time and last night it blew up in my face. I am a little unsure of the true nature of this problem so pardon me if I fumble it a bit.
Last night you went out with a group of your friends and that bothered me. Not because you were out with them, but because the year and a half that we were together you always acted like you had none. I know I usually said no when you wanted me to go play poker but that was only because I never felt comfortable around the guys from the Fire Department. Correct me if I'm wrong, but these weren't those guys. Most of them I had never even heard of. Now I don't know if you were ashamed of me, or if I had met some of them and they didn't like me, but it feels like it may be both of those things. That's part of why I was so unhappy last night. All I ever wanted to do was go and hang out with you and other people. You and your friends and you and mine. When I think about our relationship, the most consistently fun part was when we would go out on the weekends. Hang out with a group of people. Socialize.
I know it's not your problem but last night I really felt like I was a loser. I felt like I didn't have any friends. Shonda doesn't like to go out and do things, she likes to stick with the same crowd. Elizabeth was the one I used go out with but she's pregnant and never wants to leave the house. I don't have any friends to do things with and I guess in a sense I was jealous. Jealous that you wouldn't go out and have fun when we were together but now that's all you seem to do. You drink, you party and you have fun. What was it about me? Why didn't you ever want to do those things when we were together? Do you realize that's the biggest part of why we broke up?
I wanted to talk to you last night more than anything. I wanted your company and I sent you several text messages. I realize that you were busy having fun but the short and unfeeling answers you sent me only made me feel worse. I waited for you to call me but you never did. Ever since I realized that you weren't going to I was angry. I was angry that you say you love me and that I'm an important person in your life yet you don't treat me like one. I told you that I would like for you to come over once you were done hanging out and you never replied. You could have said no, you could have said anything, but you didn't. You didn't respond at all. Can you imagine how that makes me feel?
I guess I just feel stupid. I know that you don't have to answer any of these questions and I know that you don't have to explain anything to me. I only want you to know how I feel. Like I said, my loneliness isn't your problem, but the way you contribute to it makes it yours. I'm not asking you to change. All I want is for you to acknowledge that you make me feel this way and say that you're sorry, or that you aren't, or that if I don't like it then stop calling. Say anything.
Sincerely,
Krista