Muddled
Home for break -- Last night George and I spent the night together...and he was wonderful. He was all over me with kisses, kept giving me compliments. He gave me a full body massage that felt fabulous. And it was just great. Like laying together, kissing him...its those moments I want to live in. The next morning though I have to go back to the monotony of everyday living. I cant find the balance. I thought I could. I thought I was strong enough. It's either I'm without him and am fine, am balanced, or I'm with him and if we're together the balance is fine, when we're separated the balance is gone. I'm so frustrated. And there are like 50 people coming in 2 hours. It's just such bull shit because I am not in the mood to be with anyone. I just want to sit around, do some research for ECF or something. Its stressful because I can't decide what I want more. Him or Everything Else. What am I saying thats such an obvious decision. I need to want me and everything else. The man I'm with needs to coincide with who I am and what I strive for. I don't know if he can. AHHHHHHH I dont want to do this party! Who the fuck cares really.