so much to do, so little time...
So much has happened or at least so much that I want to write in this journal alot. I am going to paste a poll on whether I should shave my head except for two semetrical bangs, or dreds, or a mohawk. I probably won't do the mohawk because I will be too lazy to do it every morning. And when I didn't do a mohawk, on special occasions and other stupid family gatherings, I would have to keep it down to not dissapoint the family. Last weekend I was grounded which is sort of a surpise because I haven't been grounded in forever. But even if I wasn't grounded, I would still be unsocial and at home. I talked back to my mother and that is why I was grounded in this fucked up house. I have been told that I will be moving out of my huge bed room (the only room in the house I like) and up into the upstairs bedroom. I can choose the office or my brother's old bedroom. Why do I have to move? Because my mother thinks her and micheal are getting cut off from me, just because I live downstairs. The reason they are getting cut off from me is because I would rather be with my friends than them anyday and they always over react on everything! I can trust most of my friends, but I can't trust them. From now on, I am keeping everything a secret. All poeople do in this house is complain and mother is always talking shit about everyone in the family. I found out about 2 weeks ago my mother has depression. She takes medication for it but it's not working. Sometimes I like to take her well butrin and paxel. Also my aunt has many medications like vicodin and flexril. I took a couple because they were the smallest pills and when I my mom what they were, she started to freak out. "Who's taking flexril?" "Tell me, TELL ME NOW!" I told her no one and then she said it was used as a muscle relaxer but it doesn't do such so it just gets you high. And it works beautifully. Another thing is last friday when my aunt, my mother, and my brother were going shopping at target, on the way, they thought I was asleep so I overheard everything they were saying about me. My mom was talking about a counselor who has purple hair and was young and female. That's great but when my mother said she had purple hair my aunt said "Oh, she will really like her." YOU DON'T FUCKING NO ME BITCH, SO STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE! I am really getting annoyed of everyone in this house. I swear to god if I had somehwere else to live I would run away and confess all my secrets in a simple letter. And when I would get back I would be grounded forever and most likely taken to a hospital for no reason. Megan tried to kill herself and when I was talking to her telling her i was worried and other things I said without thinking, she blocked me. Sorry for caring for you. The last fight we had she was fighting with me because I didn't care enough. Now it's visa versa. I hope she just talks to me about it than being un mature and ignoring it. But I called brent and he talked me through it. He is a good person to talk to but very annoying when you talk to him too much. He invited me to the movies on Sunday with him and his friends and all of his friends ditched him so it was just him and me. We are not dating and never will, he has a girlfriend (thank god). I was very sad when jonathon said he had to cancel his trip with me downtown because I haven't seen him or anybody from lake oswego in 2 months. This makes me even sader. Also my mother has lost control of her thoughts. When i finally had hope to go back to Lakeridge, she talked to her councler about it and she said that she should just put me into a school in our district, one that I didn't want to go to. Mother is always switching me from place to place and when I finally getting settled in, she moves me. Lake Oswego i was in for 3 years and that's the longest I have ever been in the same school district. This is exactly why I don't want a counselor because they take over your thoughts. Jesus christ mom, how can you be so stupid?