you know that feeling in your throat like there's a golfball in it?
tonight i feel like screaming and crying and laying outside and listening to all of the angry emotional rebellious punk music that i used to love.
but we all know that won't happen.
tonight, i will go to sleep, and forget everything i'm thinking about at this very moment. i will feel sad for the minutes until i drift away, and then my phone will wake me up late in the night, and i will talk aimlessly and ask to go back to sleep because my lips will not want to move. i will mumble i love you and good night, and then i will slip back. i will fall into that brilliant oblivion. that filter for the mind that will cleanse me of everything. not the bad, not the dirty, but everything. i will wake up in the morning and not care. i will regret writing this and i will regret letting people read it. i will feel bad for complaining so much and i will feel stupid for sounding like an idiot. tomorrow is another day. today was another day, but what good came of that? this entry. maybe tomorrow will be as useful as today was. or maybe it will not even reach that bar set up oh so high.
or maybe i will find my way out of this.
"you're stronger than that, melissa."
if i was, then i wouldn't be in this in the first place.
help
but we all know that won't happen.
tonight, i will go to sleep, and forget everything i'm thinking about at this very moment. i will feel sad for the minutes until i drift away, and then my phone will wake me up late in the night, and i will talk aimlessly and ask to go back to sleep because my lips will not want to move. i will mumble i love you and good night, and then i will slip back. i will fall into that brilliant oblivion. that filter for the mind that will cleanse me of everything. not the bad, not the dirty, but everything. i will wake up in the morning and not care. i will regret writing this and i will regret letting people read it. i will feel bad for complaining so much and i will feel stupid for sounding like an idiot. tomorrow is another day. today was another day, but what good came of that? this entry. maybe tomorrow will be as useful as today was. or maybe it will not even reach that bar set up oh so high.
or maybe i will find my way out of this.
"you're stronger than that, melissa."
if i was, then i wouldn't be in this in the first place.
help