i'm beginning to see the light
hello. my name is melissa and i feel like going into the city tonight. i feel like wearing a skirt and a shirt with a long jacket. and i want to walk fast in high heels along the side of the road and swing my bag like they do in the commercials. i want my hair to flow behind me and the road to smell beneath me. i want to look around and be lost but not care. i want to look beside me and find you pacing beside me.i want to find you looking me in the eye and telling me this is the best night of your life. i want you to hold my hand and skip with me. i want to stop and look at windows, and chew bubblegum, and hail a taxi cab driving by. i want to be dropped off at a sidewalk with scattered puddles from the rain and the cars whipping by honking their horns for me to move out of their way. and i want us to stand under and street light and be the only glowing things in the night, besides the moon of course. and i want to hear the music coming from that italian restaurant behind us, and i don't want to go in because we can't afford it, but why would you need to go in when it's so nice to listen to the music and stand in the light in the middle of the sidewalk as the latenight businessmen rush past us? i want the nonchalante feeling of acceptance and beauty and belonging and love. i want love. i want to live doubt-free. i want to stop being so flippant. i want to stick to the past. i want to kill anyone who tells me to let go. i want to show them what i've seen. i want them to feel what i've felt. i want them to understand, just so they can stop criticizing me. just so they can feel the rhythm i've felt, and know the people i've known, and feel the love i've held, and still do. i want them to realize there's more than this. that walking fast through a city will never be a business trip for me like it is for them.