AU: January - playground
After it was all over and after I'd been given the soul, I left the Hyperion and wandered the sewers for a while but couldn't keep myself there. It's almost laughable to think about, but I needed air. I didn't need to breathe but the darkness and walls were suffocating me. Or at least that's part of what was sufocating me. It was the soul more than anything. But after I left the hotel and the sewers, I ended up on a playground. I sat in those swings for god knows how long and I didn't care if I felt a sunrise coming or not. I wasn't sitting there waiting for it, but I wasn't going to try and avoid it either.
What was I supposed to stay around for anyway? Everything was gone and I felt so lost. Faith was dead. Angel, and Angelus for that matter, were both dead. Connor was even more lost than I was if that were at all possible. There was a part of me that wanted to stay with him or even for him to follow me that day, but I couldn't and I didn't wait for him. He was the closest thing I had to family left, but at the same time he'd been the one to sit back and watch me die. Maybe not literally, but another part of me died that day in the basement when only minutes before I'd been more alive than any amount of time I'd spent with Angelus. Maybe that's why I didn't stay and I didn't wait.
Spike found me on those swings. I'd almost forgotten that he was still here until then. The last time I'd seen him was back in the apartment when he'd tossed me around after he found Faith and I. He was trying to get me to go with him and leave. To get out of Los Angeles for a while and try to pick up the damn pieces that would never fit back together again. They were all gone and we were what was left. On those swings I realized I did have some family left.
What was I supposed to stay around for anyway? Everything was gone and I felt so lost. Faith was dead. Angel, and Angelus for that matter, were both dead. Connor was even more lost than I was if that were at all possible. There was a part of me that wanted to stay with him or even for him to follow me that day, but I couldn't and I didn't wait for him. He was the closest thing I had to family left, but at the same time he'd been the one to sit back and watch me die. Maybe not literally, but another part of me died that day in the basement when only minutes before I'd been more alive than any amount of time I'd spent with Angelus. Maybe that's why I didn't stay and I didn't wait.
Spike found me on those swings. I'd almost forgotten that he was still here until then. The last time I'd seen him was back in the apartment when he'd tossed me around after he found Faith and I. He was trying to get me to go with him and leave. To get out of Los Angeles for a while and try to pick up the damn pieces that would never fit back together again. They were all gone and we were what was left. On those swings I realized I did have some family left.