For thepiemaker_ned: The Pie Hole

[clever_wanderer]

I'm looking for someone called Ned, is there anyone here called Ned?

And...er, do you have banana?

Comments

[thepiemaker_ned]

Erm... I'm Ned.

And... erm... we might. Why?

[clever_wanderer]

Ned! Hello, I'm the Doctor. Nice to meet you.

And, er, I like banana. Bananas are good.

[thepiemaker_ned]

Uh... nice to meet you too. .... Do I know you?

And we might have some bananas. We have banana cream pie. Would you like some?

[clever_wanderer]

Nope, not at all. I know you though, or at least, I've heard of you.

And yes, banana cream pie would be brilliant! Thank you.

[thepiemaker_ned]

My reputation proceeds me, I guess. Where did you hear of me?

I think we have some in the back.

[clever_wanderer]

Oh you know, around. Here and there. Everywhere. Well, not everywhere, exactly, a few places. You know, around.

They tell me you can wake the dead.

And, hooray! Banana cream =D

[thepiemaker_ned]

Erm... I don't... I don't know what you're talking about. *eyetwitch*

I'll just get your pie.

[clever_wanderer]

You're a very bad liar.

I do like pie.

[thepiemaker_ned]

How do you know? I could be a very good liar. I could have lied for most of my life. My name might not even be Ned, just something I said because you were looking for someone named Ned.

I could have medals.

Here you go.

[clever_wanderer]

Your eye is twitching. You're visibly tense. You're making excuses that you know don't make sense, and you're fully aware I'm going to figure you out.

So why don't we just skip all that and move on, shall we?

It's very good.

[thepiemaker_ned]

I don't even know who you are. You're just some person who came in here asking for a person named Ned and a banana, and my eye twitching could be just a natural reaction to a strange smell in the room.

And it's not good. You can't... know this stuff about me.

[clever_wanderer]

If you're reacting to a bad smell, wouldn't it make a bit more sense for your nose to twitch, you know, as opposed to your eye?

And the pie is good, very good. And yes, I can.

[thepiemaker_ned]

Not necessarily. How do you know?

Oh. Thanks. I guess.

And I still don't know what you're talking about. I don't know where you got the idea that I can raise the dead by touching them, but I think you've got the wrong person. The wrong Ned maybe. Why don't you try another pie shop?

[clever_wanderer]

It is absolutely brilliant pie, really, best banana cream I've ever had. Molto bene.

And, I know you're the right Ned, and I'm not wrong, because I never said that you could raise the dead by touching them, just that you could wake the dead. You said the rest yourself.

So, how about it, then?

[thepiemaker_ned]

... Molto bene?

Look, I don't know whatever you're talking about. So if you could just... stop... talking about it. I'm not whoever you're looking for.

[clever_wanderer]

It's Italian. "Very good"?

And come off it, we both know you're lying, so just stop it and talk to me, please. How does someone go from making ridiculously delicious pies to raising the dead? How does it work? Have you always been able to do it, or is it something new? Don't try to avoid the question. I won't leave till you answer, I'm very stubborn.

And could I have another piece, please?