"i want to hate you so bad but i cant"
so yeah weird weird weird last couple of days....count the stars didnt play :(:(:(:( but hte early november was still amazing we ended up ruching the stage on the last song along with half the crowd and sergio from early november was jumping all over and slammed into me it was awesome!
but yeah the important stuff adam .......it was an amazing two days ....just like the old days minus the scar of the past...we had a lot of fun and ended up "with eachother" again....more then once...it was like nothing had changed but obvously they have.....
it hurst that he has stronger feeling for her then me...i know he wants nothign to happen but still....and after she treated him compared to me .....adam even agreed that i never really treated him anyway but good....i was suportive and caring and he doesnt know why things changed.... he couldnt tell me it was anything i did....which really sucks because theres no reason .........we had a big argument this morning, it was stupid and fueled by more then just what it was about......so we had a talk/argumetn on the way home.....
it hurts, to hear him say hes over me but then say the last couple days made him kind of miss up and think about us again which leads him to say maybe hes not over me ....its not stable being pushed and pulled around like that .....but we ended it good when he dropped me off i think, at least now he wants to be good friends and hang out alot...i just wish i had a car to make things easier....soon though....
honeslty if we ever thought about being together again i hope that this small feeling i have that say s i wouldnt do it grows, i dont wnat to stick my self out there all vulnerable...its just hard to let go of so much hope when he says there is nothing that went wrong , and admits that the little things could easily been fixed and talked about. and also that he admits taht we could be great again if we ever got back together.
sometimes i wish i could hate him for all the shit hes put me thorugh... i dont know how im still being his friend and he realizes that too...it was a nice improvemnet that last few days....the reasuring thing is NO ONE could be as close as we are....i mean we have this connectoin that no one else will have , and this friendship that needs a little mending that no one could match...
but yeah the important stuff adam .......it was an amazing two days ....just like the old days minus the scar of the past...we had a lot of fun and ended up "with eachother" again....more then once...it was like nothing had changed but obvously they have.....
it hurst that he has stronger feeling for her then me...i know he wants nothign to happen but still....and after she treated him compared to me .....adam even agreed that i never really treated him anyway but good....i was suportive and caring and he doesnt know why things changed.... he couldnt tell me it was anything i did....which really sucks because theres no reason .........we had a big argument this morning, it was stupid and fueled by more then just what it was about......so we had a talk/argumetn on the way home.....
it hurts, to hear him say hes over me but then say the last couple days made him kind of miss up and think about us again which leads him to say maybe hes not over me ....its not stable being pushed and pulled around like that .....but we ended it good when he dropped me off i think, at least now he wants to be good friends and hang out alot...i just wish i had a car to make things easier....soon though....
honeslty if we ever thought about being together again i hope that this small feeling i have that say s i wouldnt do it grows, i dont wnat to stick my self out there all vulnerable...its just hard to let go of so much hope when he says there is nothing that went wrong , and admits that the little things could easily been fixed and talked about. and also that he admits taht we could be great again if we ever got back together.
sometimes i wish i could hate him for all the shit hes put me thorugh... i dont know how im still being his friend and he realizes that too...it was a nice improvemnet that last few days....the reasuring thing is NO ONE could be as close as we are....i mean we have this connectoin that no one else will have , and this friendship that needs a little mending that no one could match...