The lonely road.....

[clericpaladin]

I find myself once more walking that empty road I call my soul. traveling down the center line looking towards either side and knowing that for me there is no choice but to continue down the balanced path. Yet that alone doesn't lower my spirits quite like the occasional curve I'm thrown. Why cant people learn to accept me as I am? To accept that part of me I'm willing to share with them? Why cant they understand that unlike your everyday warm body, I'm fully aware of who and what I am, and more importantly I've come to embrace it. Yeah I could just fall in line and move along this world like any other tool, but I don't. I have my own mind, my own ideals, my own morals, and my own beliefs. So yeah they often don't coincide with the norm, nor do they often seem to be logical, but so what. People in truth cant handle me as I really am, so I make it easy for them. I act as normal as I can, I smile and nod my head. I tell them whatever they want to hear, but in side I'm still a seething mass of rebellion over the proposed life-style to which I play my part. What always makes me wonder is why cant people just learn to go along with it? Why cant they simply say, "well he's trying". No they have to pick at all the details, unravel the whole complex system I've built just so they can say, hey your not doing what you should be. SO WHAT???? Truthfully I am a monster, I know it, I embrace it, and I do a Damn good job of controlling it. So if I go off course once in a while leave it fucking be. It shouldn't matter to you if I'm not doing what you would like, so long as I'm not doing something horrible to you, get off my fucking back. I mean really how hard would it be for me to let loose the beast within? Pretty damn easy if you want to know. So the fact I am doing my best to not let it out and still maintain the pose of being the nice guy should be enough to let me slide when something you don't like comes out. I control that beast inside, but truthfully with every constant attack on my character and choices, I'm finding it harder and harder to reason why I do it. Hell why not say screw it all and just let the darkness come to play. Simple, because while I am growing increasingly agitated I know to unleash that which is inside me would be devastating. So heres a thought why not stop picking out every flaw and every fucking little lie and just get on with your lives. Stop working over mine, cause really, I'm getting tired of it. So I do things which make you mad, oh well, would going on a killing spree be any better? No. so sod off about it. So I don t hang out all the time, well really hanging out gets pretty boring doing nothing. So I don't clean up, would leaving butchered limbs be ok with you. Really the more I think of it the more I realize that those people who are always on me about something, well they need to stop before I just say fuck it. It's a hard job to be who and what I am, but I'm doing it and pretty damn well. I'm not a bad guy, but I could be very easily, so just let it go already. Stop laying your problems, your insecurities, your boredom, your regrets, and your needs on me, cause really you need to get your own life stait before attempting to mess with mine.

That being said, its so very nice to know that no matter how much the world drives me to madness, I still have my final sanctuary. That I always have that one person to turn to that cannot be influenced from the outside world, nor made to leave me in agony. Thank goodness for guardians, without them This whole world would be hell.

Man I feel the need to spill blood again.....