(no subject)
I stayed up till 5 last nite, I couldn't sleep. I haven't been goin out as much anymore and when I do I limit my spending. I haven't had a car in a while so I'm not use to paying car payments and insurance, it's harder than I thought, but I'm gettin used to it. Things are so much easier now that I have a car to get where I need to go. I love my job, bartending is easier than I thought it would be and I make decent money. I'm in a band now, 45 Mercy S.T, I dunno if I mentioned that in my other entries. We are playing at BW3's in Mason October 15th. As soon as we start performing at weddings, now that's the big money. People pay at the least 1200 for a band to play live at their wedding and split that with 4 or 5 people, it's decent money for a 4 hour gig. Next week we will have a website with what kind of music we do and how much we charge. I already made my demo, it's sounds awesome, so things are really comin together for me slowly, but surely. Me and Ashley have been hangin out a lot lately, but I still can't really get close to anyone, I'm afraid I might let a good friend down, or they might let me down. I was thinkin about Carrie and Sarah today, but they prolly hate me. I dunno what was said to them, but it couldn't have been good. I talked to Tracey, Mary's friend up at the Litehouse maybe a week or two ago and she said Mary didn't even say some of the things I've heard that she told Carrie and Sarah, if that makes any sense????..........but for some reason I don't believe that. I've known Mary to lie and to dick friends over so I can't see her not sayin all that. But if you guys read this, I'm sorry for whatever I did, you don't have to forgive me, that's not what I'm askin, I just want you to know that I'm sorry and I wish you could hear it from me personally instead of he said she said and this computer talk. Gosh, I don't talk to anyone anymore, well Mike and Ashley, but things are way different, I don't laugh like I use to, when I go out, I can hardly drink b/c I start thinkin about everything that has happened in the last year. My Dad found out my Mom cheated, and I think it was something I had said when I got mad at him. I think it's maybe that I'm not happy with myself, and so that makes me not trust anyone anymore, maybe I'm afraid I'm gonna screw things up in any kind of relationship. I just want things to be better, I just need a friend, and even if I have to humble myself a little bit, then that's what I have to do.