Hope for Haiti #5
My sweet God almighty, what is that on Brad Pitt's face. It's like he took Robert Pattinson's beard as a personal challenge or something. "Sparkles ain't got BEADS!"
People! Stop calling me! People are telling me now that that last performance was Emeline Michel. I missed a good bit of it, sadly.
Tom Hanks is here to tell us about a survivor who went searching for his family, and spent three hours digging his mother out with his bare hands while she cried, "Don't let me die!" I just... I don't know, y'all. I kind of just want to copy-paste "hopeforhaitinow.org" over and over for two pages.
It's Rihanna! I love Rihanna! I feel guilty for feeling pleased. Hey, wait, is that... it's a bit odd to see Rihanna and Bono backing up Jay-Z, but there you are. You know, I would love to see just Rihanna with U2, honestly. Although I will say, if this biggest band in the world thing doesn't work out for Bono, he's got a great career ahead of him as a backup singer.
Celebrity Phone Bank. Stevie Wonder: "Thank you so much... Believe it. Have a good weekend."
Here's Julia Roberts, liberated from the phone bank, telling us about a woman named Daphne who dug with her bare hands for her baby, and then a rescue team appeared to pull away the large slabs of concrete, good Lord, and they saved him.
Dave Matthews and Neil Young, who looks a bit... grim. I mean, like... Eastwood grim. In the middle of this, however, I'm hearing that Jean Simmons has passed away. Completely unrelated, but sad nonetheless.
After a Denzel Washington bit, Wyclef Jean is back. He interrupts his song with, "ENOUGH! LET'S REBUILD HAITI!" and they take it up a few notches. I really wish they had a live audience here for this. Wow, is it already nine? That's a good note to go out on.
Although, seriously, NBC, you could WAIT THIRTY MORE SECONDS to swoop in with the Dateline intro. DAMN.
So, in conclusion: Hope for Haiti Now.
People! Stop calling me! People are telling me now that that last performance was Emeline Michel. I missed a good bit of it, sadly.
Tom Hanks is here to tell us about a survivor who went searching for his family, and spent three hours digging his mother out with his bare hands while she cried, "Don't let me die!" I just... I don't know, y'all. I kind of just want to copy-paste "hopeforhaitinow.org" over and over for two pages.
It's Rihanna! I love Rihanna! I feel guilty for feeling pleased. Hey, wait, is that... it's a bit odd to see Rihanna and Bono backing up Jay-Z, but there you are. You know, I would love to see just Rihanna with U2, honestly. Although I will say, if this biggest band in the world thing doesn't work out for Bono, he's got a great career ahead of him as a backup singer.
Celebrity Phone Bank. Stevie Wonder: "Thank you so much... Believe it. Have a good weekend."
Here's Julia Roberts, liberated from the phone bank, telling us about a woman named Daphne who dug with her bare hands for her baby, and then a rescue team appeared to pull away the large slabs of concrete, good Lord, and they saved him.
Dave Matthews and Neil Young, who looks a bit... grim. I mean, like... Eastwood grim. In the middle of this, however, I'm hearing that Jean Simmons has passed away. Completely unrelated, but sad nonetheless.
After a Denzel Washington bit, Wyclef Jean is back. He interrupts his song with, "ENOUGH! LET'S REBUILD HAITI!" and they take it up a few notches. I really wish they had a live audience here for this. Wow, is it already nine? That's a good note to go out on.
Although, seriously, NBC, you could WAIT THIRTY MORE SECONDS to swoop in with the Dateline intro. DAMN.
So, in conclusion: Hope for Haiti Now.