Oscar liveblog #5
Kermit and Miss Piggy in the balcony. Because why not. "It's about TIME Spielberg left some for the rest of us!" she huffs. "How am I going to get down to the stage from here?!" And now you understand why the Muppets, despite everyone's protests, could not have hosted the Oscars. Ah, it's time for Cirque du Soleil. And here, with music by Danny Elfman, is A Tribute to What It's Like to Go to the Movies (yes). I'll have to just find you the clip because I can't blog this. All I know is that they had two of the Cirque people were sitting next to Meryl Streep as part of the routine ("This is SO EXCITING!"), and she was leaning away from them giggling into her golden sleeve the whole time. George Clooney looks intrigued; George Clooney's Girlfriend looks displeased. APPLAUSE.
"Wow!" says Crystal. "I pulled a hamstring just watching that!" It's time for some MONOLOGUING, because we have time. "Christopher Plummer may be walking up on stage tonight... because he may be wandering around." Max von Sydow is also OOOOOLD. OOOOOOOOLD, ALL OF YOU! I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU BUT PLEASE SAVE ME, GWYNETH! She brings in reinforcements: Robert Downey Jr. strolling out with a camera guy and sound guys: "I'm filming a documentary called... The Presenter. PLEASE DON'T TALK WHEN I'M TALKING, IT'LL MAKE POST PRODUCTION A NIGHTMARE. BORING! FEELS SCRIPTED!" "What you're doing right now is disrespectful, and insane--" "I turned down The Descendants for this! We have to have it on Netflix by midnight!"
@christylemire: I kinda don't hate this Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth bit. Just 'cause I could watch him do anything. #Oscars
@Filmdrunk: GET HER, DOWNEY! WHEN SHE GRABS YOUR LAPEL, GO FOR THE HEAD AND ARM THROW!
A TEXT FROM MY MOTHER: what the F???
Documentary (Feature)
"Hell and Back Again"
Danfung Dennis and Mike Lerner
"If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front"
Marshall Curry and Sam Cullman
"Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory"
Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky
"Pina"
Wim Wenders and Gian-Piero Ringel
"Undefeated"
TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Rich Middlemas
Winner: Undefeated. Did someone get bleeped? I was regrettably trying to type up the RDJ bit.
Ladies and gentlemen! Chris Rock in a medium fro! He loves animation! Anyone can play anything! "And a black man can play a donkey or a zebra!" Also, "animation [voiceover] is THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD! It's not wood stripping! 'It's gettin' dark outside!' AND THEN THEY GIVE ME A MILLION DOLLARS!" Please let him host again. Please. I am begging you from the bottom of my fing.
Animated Feature Film
"A Cat in Paris" Alain Gagnol and Jean-Loup Felicioli
"Chico & Rita" Fernando Trueba and Javier Mariscal
"Kung Fu Panda 2" Jennifer Yuh Nelson
"Puss in Boots" Chris Miller
"Rango" Gore Verbinski
Winner: Rango! Gore Verbinski says he's not sure if it was a movie for children (SPOILER: it was), but it sure was made by a bunch of grownups who felt like kids! HURRY UP HURRY UP. Oh God, where are my Tagalongs.
"Wow!" says Crystal. "I pulled a hamstring just watching that!" It's time for some MONOLOGUING, because we have time. "Christopher Plummer may be walking up on stage tonight... because he may be wandering around." Max von Sydow is also OOOOOLD. OOOOOOOOLD, ALL OF YOU! I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU BUT PLEASE SAVE ME, GWYNETH! She brings in reinforcements: Robert Downey Jr. strolling out with a camera guy and sound guys: "I'm filming a documentary called... The Presenter. PLEASE DON'T TALK WHEN I'M TALKING, IT'LL MAKE POST PRODUCTION A NIGHTMARE. BORING! FEELS SCRIPTED!" "What you're doing right now is disrespectful, and insane--" "I turned down The Descendants for this! We have to have it on Netflix by midnight!"
@christylemire: I kinda don't hate this Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth bit. Just 'cause I could watch him do anything. #Oscars
@Filmdrunk: GET HER, DOWNEY! WHEN SHE GRABS YOUR LAPEL, GO FOR THE HEAD AND ARM THROW!
A TEXT FROM MY MOTHER: what the F???
Documentary (Feature)
"Hell and Back Again"
Danfung Dennis and Mike Lerner
"If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front"
Marshall Curry and Sam Cullman
"Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory"
Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky
"Pina"
Wim Wenders and Gian-Piero Ringel
"Undefeated"
TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Rich Middlemas
Winner: Undefeated. Did someone get bleeped? I was regrettably trying to type up the RDJ bit.
Ladies and gentlemen! Chris Rock in a medium fro! He loves animation! Anyone can play anything! "And a black man can play a donkey or a zebra!" Also, "animation [voiceover] is THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD! It's not wood stripping! 'It's gettin' dark outside!' AND THEN THEY GIVE ME A MILLION DOLLARS!" Please let him host again. Please. I am begging you from the bottom of my fing.
Animated Feature Film
"A Cat in Paris" Alain Gagnol and Jean-Loup Felicioli
"Chico & Rita" Fernando Trueba and Javier Mariscal
"Kung Fu Panda 2" Jennifer Yuh Nelson
"Puss in Boots" Chris Miller
"Rango" Gore Verbinski
Winner: Rango! Gore Verbinski says he's not sure if it was a movie for children (SPOILER: it was), but it sure was made by a bunch of grownups who felt like kids! HURRY UP HURRY UP. Oh God, where are my Tagalongs.