Belated Christmas Fun!
Title: Reindeer Games
Rating: NC-17
Universe: Merlin RPS
Characters: Bradley/Colin
Warnings: Crack, pr0n & inappropriate use of Christmas decorations/personages
A/N: To aid my application to the_cinnacult way back in December, I wrote Christmas fic. It contains mention of the Almighty Spice for alaerys (All Hail!), as well as bondage and hoodies for my precious Sugarplum/dysonrules! accioscar is to be fully blamed for this though - I prompted her with 'B/C - Colin, decorating tree naked 2 prevent needle issues accidentally entangled in fairy lights - Bradley to the rescue!' on Twitter, and she made ME write it instead! *facepalm* I fully intended to write dirty, filthy Christmas sex but the boys just went totally cracktastic on my arse!!! It's...ummm...OMFG, IDEK?! It's inexplicably bizarre and I wish I could blame the seven bottles of red wine I consumed with a friend the night before for this, but sadly I didn't even have a hangover to point the finger at...though, hmmm, maybe I was still drunk? Yes, OK, I'll say I was still drunk! *grins* There is also a time-shift (like a 'SEX WOZ HAD 'ERE!') moment involved, as apparently my crack-brain & my porn-brain DO NOT MINDMELD!! ;D Apologies in advance!
Disclaimer: This is 100% fiction, sadly has nothing at all to do with the actual Colin Morgan or Bradley James, and is not intended to cause offence.
‘Well, this is unfortunate,’ Colin thought, as he squirmed uncomfortably and tried desperately not to panic. He thunked his head backwards onto the (thankfully soft) carpet underneath him as the wriggling failed to loosen his bonds even the tiniest amount. In hindsight, and being fully aware of his own capacity for clumsiness, he really should have seen this coming. Should have realized that decorating his Christmas tree while mostly naked was not the brightest idea he’d ever had. But it had taken him forever to remove all the pine needles from his favourite hoodie last year - he’d still been finding them embedded in the material in April, for god’s sake.
But now, lying on the floor & unable to move, wearing a reindeer thong (which had been a joke present from Bradley last year) and nothing else, he rather wished he’d just kept with the human pincushion route of last holiday season. He lay back and breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of the cinnamon bundles he had bought to hang decoratively on the tree, and attempted to calm down. He hadn’t even got beyond putting the tree up - he’d simply been testing the fairy lights to check they were all working before putting them on (as his dad had always told him & Neil that the proper way to decorate a tree was “lights, tinsel then baubles, boys!”). Somehow, in the process of checking and unwinding the strings of lights, he had managed to wind them around himself, not noticing until he was so thoroughly entangled that he’d lost his footing and fallen like a felled tree. He was positive that he was going to be covered in embarrassing-to-explain bulb-shaped bruises by tomorrow.
Now here he lay, like some gaudy human sacrifice to the Christmas gods, praying that Bradley would choose tonight to be the one time he didn’t turn up when he was supposed to. Colin craned his neck upwards to look beyond his crotch (‘and didn’t those red fairy lights really make Rudolph’s nose glow!’ he thought with a blush) to the clock on the mantelpiece. Shit, Bradley was due to arrive in ten minutes, which meant he’d been trying to escape his colourful restraints for the better part of two hours. Which was two hours longer than he’d ever wanted to have electrical lights illuminating his arsecrack.
Colin let his head collapse back towards the floor and cringed in anticipation of the abject humiliation he was sure Bradley would soon be subjecting him to.
As if summoned by the thought, there was a loud & prolonged knocking on the door in a crude rendition of ‘You’re The Voice’, which Bradley had unilaterally decided was ‘their song’, followed by a bellow of “Moooorrrrgan? You there, mate?”
Colin mentally weighed the pros & cons of not responding, but decided that as Bradley was a persistent arse to whom Colin had rather foolishly given a key, the odds of him going away on his own were really catastrophically low. He took a deep breath (marginally hampered by the cords around his torso) and crossed his fingers where they were bound behind him, hoping that he could reason with Bradley and prevent the almost inevitable moment of discovery.
“Yeah, Bradley, I’m here!” he yelled (desperately willing his neighbours to be out somewhere and not listening in to this), “But can we take a raincheck on tonight? Something rather urgent came up!”
“Are you fucking kidding me, Colin?! I just traipsed halfway across London in the sodding rain to see you! Watching porn is not a good enough excuse for cancelling, especially not when I’m already outside the bloody door!”
Fuck, his neighbours had really better be out or he was going to have to kill Bradley, Colin decided with mortified despair.
“I’m taking your lack of reply as tacit agreement so I’m letting myself in!” was shouted cheerily as the sound of the lock scraping open & quick footsteps reached Colin’s ears.
“Fuck, Bradley, NO!!” Colin shrieked, attempting to at least roll behind the couch and out of immediate view. He failed rather spectacularly and instead ended up sprawled on his side giving Bradley, who had halted dumbstruck at the threshold of the living room, an eyeful of both a spotlit Rudolph and his multicoloured backside.
After an excruciating silence of what felt like hours, which Bradley seemed patently unable to break, Colin shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat, “Errrr…this really isn’t what it looks like.”
Bradley continued to stare silently with his mouth open, and Colin began to fear that he had inadvertently broken his friend’s brain, until a further restless wriggle caused him to emit a faint choking sound. Colin flushed bright red.
“Bradley, please, if I promise that you can crack all the humiliating jokes you want later, would you just help me get the hell out of these? Please? My hands are going numb.”
The begging seemed to thankfully restart Bradley’s brain, or at least his basic motor functions, as he stepped forward & knelt down next to Colin’s prone form, even though his face remained suspiciously blank.
As Bradley took hold of the end of one cable and gently rested his other hand on a dark-haired shin, Colin screwed his eyes shut and prayed fervently to every deity he’d ever heard of that Rudolph would remain quiescent and not give his rescuer a twinkling scarlet standing ovation. Especially not when said cable was wrapped intimately around his balls (and how that had happened, god only knows), and especially not when the resulting shock from such an action might cause said rescuer to accidentally castrate him.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be careful,” Bradley reassured him gruffly, as he gingerly began to unwind the cords from around Colin’s leg. The shock of hearing his friend speak (and not to make a joke at his expense) made Colin’s eyes fly open and focus on Bradley’s face, which was intent upon his task. As he watched, Bradley licked along his bottom lip in concentration and all the restraints in the world could not have prevented the pitiful whimper that escaped Colin’s throat. Bradley’s eyes flicked to his in surprise, and as his concentration faltered one large hand slipped on Colin’s inner thigh and brushed against a half-hard Rudolph. In response to which Colin moaned. Loudly. And then blushed like his skin was about to catch on fire.
Bradley’s eyes suddenly focused intently on Colin’s face as a flush spread across his own cheeks. Tentatively, and with great care, Bradley grazed his hand slowly along Rudolph’s snout and watched Colin bite his lip to strangle a second moan as the reindeer pouch rapidly perked up. Bradley’s eyes were positively smoldering as he gently freed Colin’s balls and then followed the wire with his hand as it trailed between his arsecheeks, seeming to touch every possible inch of skin in the process. As Bradley’s fingers skimmed slowly over his hole, Colin’s hips instinctively jerked forwards in reaction and Bradley hummed in pleasure. Almost before he knew what was happening, Colin was rolled onto his back and one of Bradley’s strong, capable-looking hands had moved to the base of his spine and lifted him into the cradle of Bradley’s thighs, his legs wantonly splayed on either side of his hips. As a thumb wickedly caressed his tailbone and Colin struggled to continue breathing, Bradley pressed forward until he was looming shockingly close to his mouth. He grinned disarmingly as Colin’s eyes widened at his increasingly vulnerable position, and proceeded to unravel him further by looping the gathered cords in his other hand over Colin’s head. Colin sighed thankfully as the bindings around his chest loosened and the feeling began to return to his trapped hands. At his sigh, Bradley abruptly stopped unwinding, leaving Colin’s upper body trussed up in multicoloured lights, albeit with a greater range of movement than he’d had before. Colin frowned, “Bradley, what…” but then swallowed a gasp as Bradley leaned further forward and gently brushed his lips over Colin’s. He pulled back slightly to catch Colin’s gaze as he rumbled, “Is this okay?” and smiled broadly as Colin proceeded to nod frantically. “Good,” he muttered, before sinking back down and catching Colin’s lower lip between his and sucking lightly, causing him to whine. He continued to smile as he moved down to Colin’s jaw line with sucking kisses, and from there to his long, pale neck. He started to grin as he nudged a green fairy light out of the way with his nose so that he could circle one peaked, rosy nipple with his tongue, listening to Colin start to gasp for breath harshly as he bit down lightly on the nub.
Bradley was nearly chuckling by the time he’d reached the end of his own personal assault course of glowing bulbs and gleaming skin, having detoured to explore every single illuminated inch with his mouth. It was especially difficult not to crack up when faced with that ridiculous thong at the end of his journey. Rudolph by this point was enthusiastically looking up at him with his soulful black plastic eyes, floppy felt antlers laying resignedly against Colin’s muscular belly. Bradley rested his forehead against that belly as he manfully tried not to giggle, the ridiculousness of the situation beginning to hit him. An anxious squirm from Colin, however, quickly jolted him into action and away from what would have been probably been slightly mood-crushing laughter. He removed his hand from Colin’s lower back and rested his friend’s full weight on his spread thighs as he slowly inched the elastic of the thong down Colin’s hips and arse, while gently easing the furry-faced pouch away from Colin’s cock and absently noting that Rudolph’s red nose had quite a large pre-come dampened patch by now.
All such reindeer-based considerations were thrown aside when Colin’s thick cock was fully exposed, and Bradley quickly pulled the thong the rest of the way off of his legs, almost pinging himself in the eye and doing himself an injury with the thong elastic in the process. As soon as Rudolph was safely flung out of reach (later to be found fortuitously hanging from one of the stocking hooks above the fireplace), Bradley maneuvered Colin to the floor, stretched out to settle between his thighs and licked a hot path up the underside of Colin’s cock. He then gagged slightly before picking several pieces of fluff out of his mouth, silently vowing to burn bloody Rudolph and forbid Colin from all future novelty thongs.
A distressingly short amount of time later, as the flush of heartstoppingly fantastic orgasms had barely begun to fade, Colin had been fully disentangled, and Bradley had regained his breath but was still picking come-flavoured reindeer fuzz from between his teeth; Colin braced himself on one elbow above him and smiled winningly as he suggested, “So…how about making this a Christmas tradition?”