Sawyer/Juliet Fic: What She Had Wanted
Title: What She Had Wanted
Fandom: LOST
Characters/Pairing: Sawyer (Mentions Suliet)
Rating: PG
Summary: Post-Finale. James Ford's thoughts as he leaves the island. Suliet.
Note: I actually wrote this a while ago.
James fixed his eyes on the plane window, watching the island dissapear on the horizon.He was finally leaving for good, back to the real world. Only he didn't even remember what that meant any more, he'd been stuck on the damn island for far too long. There was nothing back there for him. All he'd ever cared about was now six feet under and it was his fault. James closed his eyes as he pictured her smile, her beautiful blue eyes, imagining her sitting next to him holding his hand and discussing her plans to meet her nephew for the first time.
But that wouldn't happen. Juliet would never meet the little boy she had been longing to meet. Never again would she see the sister that she had been away from for six years. She should have been the one that got to leave, not James Ford the ex-conman. Juliet had a family back home. A life. He had nothing. He was alone.
James swallowed the lump in his throat, fighting back tears as he glanced at Kate. She was sitting next to a sleeping Claire, holding her hand in silence, tears creeping down her face. Her eyes met his for a second before turning away. She was obviously thinking about the doc and he sympathised. After all, Juliet wasn't the only person who they had lost. There was Sun and Jin, the couple who out of them all, deserved to be on this plane the most. They had a kid, a daughter who was now an orphan. Jin would never get to meet her, just like Juliet and would never get to meet her nephew. Once again, that was his fault. James felt anger rise inside him. The damn doc should have saved them, not him.
His thoughts were interrupted as Miles walked up to him.
"So..." Miles started, taking a seat next to James.
"So what?" James replied gruffly, trying to hide the tears that had been trickling down his face.
"What are you going to do when we get back home?"
James sighed, turning away from Miles. Home. He didn't have a home any more. He had only ever truly felt at home back in dharmaville, with her. But that didn't exist any more, it was thirty years ago. It was gone. Jin was gone. She was gone.
Guilt flooded over James as he turned to look back out of the plane window. He didn't deserve his ride on this plane.
"I'll live my life." He shrugged. What's left of his life. Half of him was already dead.
I wanted you to be able to go home.
Her final words echoed in his head. After everything he had put her through, after making her stay on that damn island when she wanted to leave, after making her feel insecure when Kate returned to the island, after telling her everything would be okay and then letting her die, her owed it to her to respect her wishes.
It ain't home without you, baby, He thought to her. But I'm getting the hell off this island. Just like you wanted.
Despite everything, James Ford had got on the plane and he was leaving the island for good. He would live his life in the real world and try not to screw up for her sake, because that's what she had wanted.