(no subject)
I said sorry, and that's all I can do.
I mean, I fucked up, everyone fucks up. Doesn't mean you have to completely hate me. Tell me I'm ugly. Wow, never would I have expect that from you. You said you didn't care, that it didn't bother you. I believe that, since, I was never at one point worth the extra effort.
So, like fuck this. Fuck the fact I felt my heart pounding, ready to explode when she told, when she told me you liked her.
Jesus, what have I done? I mean, I can't even fucking think straight. There's always going to be that what if he was the one in the back of my head. But if he was, wouldn't he have tried to keep me around?
No, since, I never meant anything to him. I was just there for the convince of me. I mean, I want to say he drove me to this but that isn't fair and is untrue. However, he did play a part.
I feel stupid, and lonely, and empty, because I threw away something with value and meaning. Who knew I was more then a pretty..well no, correction, ugly face. Last night, I couldn't sleep, I just kept rolling around, seeing his face. I wanted him there with me, to hold, and to tell me I'd be okay. That he'd always be there for me. Who was I kidding?
Hahah and I know, he's so thinking, "Wow, she's a skank, she's disgusting, she fucked up, i can't talk to her, she's nothing, I don't love her."
I know he's thinking these things, I mean, you cant just fucking stop loving someone because they're human, and they mess up. You can't do that, that's not fair. I mean, I'd spend a life time trying to make it up to him if I knew it'd make a difference.
He wont read this. Since, I know no one reads this anymore, and that's like my comfort blanket there.
If he does, I mean, he'll laugh. I'm a joke, right? Everything I do is not to be taken serious since I have no real substance to me. I mean, I'm clay. I changed myself to be what he wanted and he never even cared to recognize it. Maybe that's why I ... went else where.
I went to find someone to appreciate who I was as a person, someone who wouldn't ever think to change a damn fucking thing about me. I thought that was what I wanted, Im not sure. I'm overly conflicted.
Ah well, He told me we'll never be involved again. I sucked up my pride and begged him to be my friend, even then he simply said no. It's always No.
This is what a cheater deserves.
Hahah anyways, enough of that, I mean, on the plus side. I have my health! Also, I realized, within the happenings of a night.. that maybe I was just too good for him. Yeah, that's what I think =).
I mean, I fucked up, everyone fucks up. Doesn't mean you have to completely hate me. Tell me I'm ugly. Wow, never would I have expect that from you. You said you didn't care, that it didn't bother you. I believe that, since, I was never at one point worth the extra effort.
So, like fuck this. Fuck the fact I felt my heart pounding, ready to explode when she told, when she told me you liked her.
Jesus, what have I done? I mean, I can't even fucking think straight. There's always going to be that what if he was the one in the back of my head. But if he was, wouldn't he have tried to keep me around?
No, since, I never meant anything to him. I was just there for the convince of me. I mean, I want to say he drove me to this but that isn't fair and is untrue. However, he did play a part.
I feel stupid, and lonely, and empty, because I threw away something with value and meaning. Who knew I was more then a pretty..well no, correction, ugly face. Last night, I couldn't sleep, I just kept rolling around, seeing his face. I wanted him there with me, to hold, and to tell me I'd be okay. That he'd always be there for me. Who was I kidding?
Hahah and I know, he's so thinking, "Wow, she's a skank, she's disgusting, she fucked up, i can't talk to her, she's nothing, I don't love her."
I know he's thinking these things, I mean, you cant just fucking stop loving someone because they're human, and they mess up. You can't do that, that's not fair. I mean, I'd spend a life time trying to make it up to him if I knew it'd make a difference.
He wont read this. Since, I know no one reads this anymore, and that's like my comfort blanket there.
If he does, I mean, he'll laugh. I'm a joke, right? Everything I do is not to be taken serious since I have no real substance to me. I mean, I'm clay. I changed myself to be what he wanted and he never even cared to recognize it. Maybe that's why I ... went else where.
I went to find someone to appreciate who I was as a person, someone who wouldn't ever think to change a damn fucking thing about me. I thought that was what I wanted, Im not sure. I'm overly conflicted.
Ah well, He told me we'll never be involved again. I sucked up my pride and begged him to be my friend, even then he simply said no. It's always No.
This is what a cheater deserves.
Hahah anyways, enough of that, I mean, on the plus side. I have my health! Also, I realized, within the happenings of a night.. that maybe I was just too good for him. Yeah, that's what I think =).