(no subject)
If i don't give this up im going to ruin the thing i've been trying to protect!
I believe i am down and out once again. maybe it is due to the fact i can not eat any food because it comes straight back up... yay you gotta love the stomach ulcer!!!!
i don't really know but all i know is that everything that i have been telling my self is not keeping me sane.
everyone keeps tellign me my life is going to change that i am going to change and im sure it will and im sure i will but im not waiting for the next months to pass in misery and gloom for some gint big celebration to come when i depart from worthing and move an hour up the road! woooo
don't get me wrong i am excited for what is coming in my life but i am also upset about what is happening in my life and that is ... nothing
i wake up to the same wall that i fall asleep to
i could scream for only seeing the walls of my pathetic room it makes me sick so much that i have moved down stairs in order to write this post.
i am feeling more and more like im sitting in a park and watching this great big world of fun and laughter and all i can do is windge and moan and complain because im not apart of it currently
i miss so many people
after finally makeing peace with doug the one person who had been the route of my problems for so long i get a natsy email listing the reasons why i shouldnt be alive and no matter what any body else says that still really hurts
i no he is a prick a cunt a bastard an everything but that doesnt help all i see is me being told im worthless by someone who has been such an influence in my life.
it was like false hope finally i thought we were both grown up enough to be friends and forget everything we had once said or done to eachother but no so the nice doug entered my life for what must have been just long enough for the good meories to flood back before i get smacked in the face with the uglyness that is mr. allen
im hurting and sad and feeling more and more lost just as i think ive got things in my plam my hand gets cut off by some evil kid on a motorized skooter
im pushing everything away slowly but i can see it happening
im a little bit sad a little bit sick
and all i can do is sit here and think and yes stare at the wall i wake up to i fall asleep to and you might start to think i would grow attatched to theses walls but all i care to do is burn them down and then stomp all over the ashes and throw a seriosu tantrum
im taking everything to seriously
and im makeing myself miserable
but i dont really know what else to do and when i try and stop myself
i just start all ove again
grrrrrrrrrr
and i cant even have ice cream to cheer me up
:( :) :(
I believe i am down and out once again. maybe it is due to the fact i can not eat any food because it comes straight back up... yay you gotta love the stomach ulcer!!!!
i don't really know but all i know is that everything that i have been telling my self is not keeping me sane.
everyone keeps tellign me my life is going to change that i am going to change and im sure it will and im sure i will but im not waiting for the next months to pass in misery and gloom for some gint big celebration to come when i depart from worthing and move an hour up the road! woooo
don't get me wrong i am excited for what is coming in my life but i am also upset about what is happening in my life and that is ... nothing
i wake up to the same wall that i fall asleep to
i could scream for only seeing the walls of my pathetic room it makes me sick so much that i have moved down stairs in order to write this post.
i am feeling more and more like im sitting in a park and watching this great big world of fun and laughter and all i can do is windge and moan and complain because im not apart of it currently
i miss so many people
after finally makeing peace with doug the one person who had been the route of my problems for so long i get a natsy email listing the reasons why i shouldnt be alive and no matter what any body else says that still really hurts
i no he is a prick a cunt a bastard an everything but that doesnt help all i see is me being told im worthless by someone who has been such an influence in my life.
it was like false hope finally i thought we were both grown up enough to be friends and forget everything we had once said or done to eachother but no so the nice doug entered my life for what must have been just long enough for the good meories to flood back before i get smacked in the face with the uglyness that is mr. allen
im hurting and sad and feeling more and more lost just as i think ive got things in my plam my hand gets cut off by some evil kid on a motorized skooter
im pushing everything away slowly but i can see it happening
im a little bit sad a little bit sick
and all i can do is sit here and think and yes stare at the wall i wake up to i fall asleep to and you might start to think i would grow attatched to theses walls but all i care to do is burn them down and then stomp all over the ashes and throw a seriosu tantrum
im taking everything to seriously
and im makeing myself miserable
but i dont really know what else to do and when i try and stop myself
i just start all ove again
grrrrrrrrrr
and i cant even have ice cream to cheer me up
:( :) :(