Wednesdays and Weekends
[
mood
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rejuvenated
]
[
music
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jem - they
]
Eight days into the year and the amount of school work is already daunting. Last friday I was micrometers away from pushing the panic button and temporarily losing it. Really, what are the odds of all your major reports save 1 report and 2 final reprots falling into the same week? It doesn't help that we reported before the break and are now forced to pass a paper on that report tomorrow. Seriously, I feel like the heavens are punishing me for my holiday unproductivity.
Monday
Deadline for Research Proposal (thesis)
Deadline for Report (I finished half of it. It's 14 pages SINGLE SPACED without refereces)
Report on Participatory Research
Tuesday
Report on Liver, Gallbladder and Pancreas
Wednesday
Operation Timbang
Thursday
Report on Teaching Methods
Friday
Deadline FN 125 Paper on Hospital Diets
Of course that's not the end of my troubles. There's still next week and the week after that and I only know too well how these horrid school things have a knack for multiplying like crazy once let your guard down. Worse than gremlins in the rain. Last Friday I was so frustrated and tired of finishing something only to realize that more thing to do have popped up. Yes, I was once again on the throes of a massive burnout.
Strangely I find myself sitting here patiently reading through journals and calmly editing the final adjustments to my slides. Either I've finally decided to turn into machine or have finally gotten used to the pressure. But really I think it's something else...
I hate to sound like I'm preaching but really it's true when things get so bad certain realizations hit you and you know that despite all the things that have to be done things really are EVER BETTER.
More and more I'm learning how to keep my worries, fears and doubts under control. I'm taking command of how I feel and instead of forgetting I simply choose not to remember. Instead of being bitter, angry or nostalgic I'm trying to be thankful for all that has passed and how all these events have contributed in making me a whole person.
Sure, I still hate school and constantly having to pass requirements and learn crap that I probably won't use anyway. Sure, I still hate living in Manila and constantly having to fend for myself. But really... I'm here and this is what I wanted. In fact I can still feel the same burning passion that possessed me to scream at my parents to convince them to send me to Manila during our 4th year HS retreat. Staying alive and being's really just is a matter of looking for something worth sticking around for. Once you've got that down you'll surely find a way. No amount of crap can change that.
Not too long ago it was pride and the obsession with proving to people that despite popular belief there's more to this spoiled little rich girl. I refused to listen to everyone who placed bets on my going down in one sem. I wanted to survive Manila for the sake of surviving. It didn't take long for me to falter. In a little over a year I felt lost. More than anything Manila felt like an escape to all the troubles in Davao. But anonymity wasn't enough reason to stay when you're plagued with doubts. It isn't easy to be constantly asking yourself what you're doing with your life and much harder when you ask yourself if it's what really makes you happy.
Although I may have known it for a while I've never really thought about it this way... It's my faith, friends and family that really keep me going. Friendships so broken in, they're so comfortable. Lately I've been feeling that it's God's tangible way of showing me that though my chosen path is riddled with all sorts of unpleasant things, it's my path. Yes, to whom much is given much is expected. It's a heavy responsibility but I am compelled to do this.
No matter how tired, how burned out, how broken, how sick, etc. I get there will always be more than one reason to smile and loads of other things to be thankful for.
*Mary the shopaholic and my new pair of Mango Jeans and my Chocolate tube top! Hahaha we're silly girls who do what silly girls do when things don't go their way. SHOP AND OVERSPEND!!! Tofu and sashimi! Uh... I loathe to type this but Ako Legal Wife! XD
Tasha: Hmmmm... I think I like this. It makes my ass look flat.
Mary: Whaaaaaat?!?! Don't get that! It's ugly kaya when jeans make you look flat!
Tasha: Uh... at least they're gonna make me look thin and my ass kinda gets the BAD kind of attention.
Mary: Tashaaaaa!!! We already don't have boobs don't take the other bump away!!!
*I really don't know what made me earn a cancelled visit but... Hah! If you did you would have seen me ... well ... still sabog but after taking a bath! Thank you for not harassing us poor overworked wenches!
*My comment about Mr. Pratts and Mr. Angco... Uh... uh. Let's keep it a secret for now. @_@ Hahaha but seriously after seeing him be Miss No. 5.... You'd laugh your head off too. ^___^
*You my dear always seem to be in trouble. Why is it that I always manage to get branded as your accomplice when I'm really NOT. In fact I distinctly remember trying to make you keep your mouth shut. Ah... well... extinction might not be that bad a fate, neh?
Tasha: Ano ka ba!?! Bakit kasi si Jayson ang assigned sa pagpunta sa Quiapo para sa mga trophies?
Flage: Ah... bakit? Anong nangyari.
Tasha: Alam mo naman na wala yung alam. Di niya nahanap ang tindahan kaya ginulo pa nila si Ate Bev.
Flage: Ah talaga? Wala na kasi ibang trabaho na pwede ibigay sa kanya.
Tasha: Hahahaha oo nga noh.
Flage: Paano naman sinabihan ko siya na magbantay siya ng soccer pero sabi niya na "uh di kasi ako marunong... pwede manood nalang ako?". Hahaha diba di naman siya pwedeng manood lang.
Jayson: Maganda ba ang FF4 Advance?
Tasha: Ah... di ko baya alam. Meron ako but pagkakita ko ng graphics na turn off na ako.
Jayson: Uy! May bago akong na discover! SNES emulator!!!
Uh.... Jays, the SNES emulator was kind of around back when we were in 4th grade.
Dzhott: January is SCC Month!
Jameez: Oh no! National Comedy Month na ulit.
Now I don't think I even mind living for the weekends and occasional Wednesdays. Even if they'd grow fewer and more far in between it's really more than enough reason to stay and maybe even live for. :)
This week it's Narnia for the promdies. Looking forward to see you Dave!!! :) When things clear up I'll make more of an effort to make sure you're OK. Your posts worry me you know.
Yes, that's definitely more than enough reason to throw myself into work. :)
"Yes, there are two paths you can go by but in the long run there’s still time to change the road you’re on."