Lindsay's Wedding (Part 2 of 2)
Please read part one first! This will finish the series and from me writing so deeply about last weekend. Normal programing to resume after. :)
The Reception
I was the first to walk in as Dan's Mother (?) was getting stuff from her car. The STAR building staff were getting ready along with other people I would soon fine out to be Dan's friends and the MC for the night Craig. I started hearing Craig start to talk about not knowing how to work the sound system. I casually walked to them. "Please state the nature of the technical emergency."
I have a new statement when it comes to me and weddings: Always the A/V guy, never the bride. ;) I was given a laptop and directed over to the woman who works and I think owns the venue. The setup was I'm sad to say half-assed. Bad equipment, no adapters, and I left my kit-bag back at my sister's in-laws house. We were able to get something working and I found myself in good graces with the venue's owners and the MC of the night, Craig.
People started coming in and I was hopping along between the A/V rigs and the bar. The reception proper was starting and I got to my seat at the table closest to the front table. Around me were friends of Lindsay that she had met in the late 90's over the Internet. This was including *MT* who hosted the first real-life meeting of their group of internet friends, which included Dan. She's the one 'responsible' for getting them together, though they wouldn't start dating for three years after.
Small talk with the people around the table while dinner was served. After our table was being taken away in order to reveal the dance floor. From here I moved around and talked to some people, including *MT* and her friend Faruk. What was kinda weird for me was detecting some of the people's reaction towards me when I introduce myself and they'd respond with "Oh, you're the one living in San Francisco." Most big and bright realizations, but there were a few that were more somber. It made me think about how many people know, but it doesn't really matter anyway.
Later in the night, *MT* had a few drinks and we were talking. All of the sudden she said to me:
"I know how you feel about Lindsay. I'm surprised you actually came."
This was extremely comforting. I don't need justification, but this simple acknowledgement showed that I had come a very long way emotionally. Allowing me to attend one of happiest days of Lindsay's life.
Sometime shortly after dinner, *MK* came back from the hospital. Sticking to her tea and observing the dancing. I started talking with her a little as she was a bit of a wallflower, with good reason. She was fine though, just taking it easy. Very glad she was able to make it back!
Then our song started. On the invites, you were asked for a song to be included in the playlist for the night. Adieu from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack. A slow jazz tune; Perfect for a slow dance. Before the wedding, Lindsay told me this will be the song we will dance to. As we started, I reminded her again that this certainly isn't a good bye. A few comments about how long since it's been since I danced. This was one of the times we were able to talk. Most of it was small talk, but enjoying the moment. At the right time, I told her that I wasn't completely truthful about the lack of symbolism, and sang with the song, not singing the striked words on purpose:
"My love for you burns deep
Inside me, so strong
Embers of times we had
And now here I stand lost in a memory
I see your face and smile."
This song will never leave my memory and will forever be associated with that moment in time. When the song comes up on iTunes, or when watching the TV show, I'll think of that moment and smile. Mark my words that if/when I get married, the two of us will dance to this song again.
Around 11:30 is when I started to say my goodbyes for the night. I was awake and figured I could make the drive back to Northville. Saying good night to Lindsay, there's one thing I wanted to make sure of. I am fine and happy. I had a great time, and more importantly, this is only a change. I did ask her that sometime in the future that she and Dan visit me in San Francisco. She wholeheartedly agreed. I also said good night to Dan and the rest of her family. At this point I didn't want to linger on in not wanting to leave but overstaying the welcome.
Driving home I took Stadium Drive back to my sister's in-laws where I kept my stuff. This road is on the edge of the WMU campus and was serving as a reminder of my two years there. How all the people from that part of my life faded away but for one very special woman.
When I got to the house, I knocked and walked in the door. Mary came out and we started talking. This was the point where I broke the seal and cried. Not of regret, but I finally hit the release valve of emotions. Had a nice conversation with Mary about Lindsay. After I changed into real clothes and had some water, I headed back to the parents' house in Northville.
"The ending has not yet been written."
As I stated before, this was going to be one of the hardest things I will ever go though in my life. And I totally got though it. It was an emotional workout in the sense that it tested my emotions in a lot of ways. Now I feel good and I'm happy. I found the right balance of having Lindsay as one of my closest friends, and gained someone else important to my life, Dan.
There's a lot that's going to stem out from the events of the past weekend. I'll doing my own mental & life inventory for the next few weeks. Now I'm going on a flight to NYC and spend the rest of my vacation. Followed by *J*'s wedding whom is another important person that helped shaped my life. Not in the way Lindsay has. Where as Lindsay is a key figure in who I am emotionally, *J* is a key figure in who I am professionally and artistically.
To all of you whom reached out to me in the past week or so, thank you. I have some awesome friends who really support me. I hope one day you'll finally get to meet Lindsay & Dan!
More importantly, I need to thank both Lindsay & Dan. I know that my presence may have added an outside dynamic to your relationship witch each other. It's well within your rights to not have invited me, let alone still keep in contact with me. Instead, we have a working friendship with each other. I don't see failure in my decisions to leave. The only failure would be if I had lost all contact with Lindsay. Instead, I have a strong friendship with her, and now a new friendship with Dan. This, above all else, is the true success. This is why I am extremely grateful that the two of you are together.
The Reception
I was the first to walk in as Dan's Mother (?) was getting stuff from her car. The STAR building staff were getting ready along with other people I would soon fine out to be Dan's friends and the MC for the night Craig. I started hearing Craig start to talk about not knowing how to work the sound system. I casually walked to them. "Please state the nature of the technical emergency."
I have a new statement when it comes to me and weddings: Always the A/V guy, never the bride. ;) I was given a laptop and directed over to the woman who works and I think owns the venue. The setup was I'm sad to say half-assed. Bad equipment, no adapters, and I left my kit-bag back at my sister's in-laws house. We were able to get something working and I found myself in good graces with the venue's owners and the MC of the night, Craig.
People started coming in and I was hopping along between the A/V rigs and the bar. The reception proper was starting and I got to my seat at the table closest to the front table. Around me were friends of Lindsay that she had met in the late 90's over the Internet. This was including *MT* who hosted the first real-life meeting of their group of internet friends, which included Dan. She's the one 'responsible' for getting them together, though they wouldn't start dating for three years after.
Small talk with the people around the table while dinner was served. After our table was being taken away in order to reveal the dance floor. From here I moved around and talked to some people, including *MT* and her friend Faruk. What was kinda weird for me was detecting some of the people's reaction towards me when I introduce myself and they'd respond with "Oh, you're the one living in San Francisco." Most big and bright realizations, but there were a few that were more somber. It made me think about how many people know, but it doesn't really matter anyway.
Later in the night, *MT* had a few drinks and we were talking. All of the sudden she said to me:
"I know how you feel about Lindsay. I'm surprised you actually came."
This was extremely comforting. I don't need justification, but this simple acknowledgement showed that I had come a very long way emotionally. Allowing me to attend one of happiest days of Lindsay's life.
Sometime shortly after dinner, *MK* came back from the hospital. Sticking to her tea and observing the dancing. I started talking with her a little as she was a bit of a wallflower, with good reason. She was fine though, just taking it easy. Very glad she was able to make it back!
Then our song started. On the invites, you were asked for a song to be included in the playlist for the night. Adieu from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack. A slow jazz tune; Perfect for a slow dance. Before the wedding, Lindsay told me this will be the song we will dance to. As we started, I reminded her again that this certainly isn't a good bye. A few comments about how long since it's been since I danced. This was one of the times we were able to talk. Most of it was small talk, but enjoying the moment. At the right time, I told her that I wasn't completely truthful about the lack of symbolism, and sang with the song, not singing the striked words on purpose:
"My love for you burns deep
Inside me, so strong
Embers of times we had
And now here I stand lost in a memory
I see your face and smile."
This song will never leave my memory and will forever be associated with that moment in time. When the song comes up on iTunes, or when watching the TV show, I'll think of that moment and smile. Mark my words that if/when I get married, the two of us will dance to this song again.
Around 11:30 is when I started to say my goodbyes for the night. I was awake and figured I could make the drive back to Northville. Saying good night to Lindsay, there's one thing I wanted to make sure of. I am fine and happy. I had a great time, and more importantly, this is only a change. I did ask her that sometime in the future that she and Dan visit me in San Francisco. She wholeheartedly agreed. I also said good night to Dan and the rest of her family. At this point I didn't want to linger on in not wanting to leave but overstaying the welcome.
Driving home I took Stadium Drive back to my sister's in-laws where I kept my stuff. This road is on the edge of the WMU campus and was serving as a reminder of my two years there. How all the people from that part of my life faded away but for one very special woman.
When I got to the house, I knocked and walked in the door. Mary came out and we started talking. This was the point where I broke the seal and cried. Not of regret, but I finally hit the release valve of emotions. Had a nice conversation with Mary about Lindsay. After I changed into real clothes and had some water, I headed back to the parents' house in Northville.
"The ending has not yet been written."
As I stated before, this was going to be one of the hardest things I will ever go though in my life. And I totally got though it. It was an emotional workout in the sense that it tested my emotions in a lot of ways. Now I feel good and I'm happy. I found the right balance of having Lindsay as one of my closest friends, and gained someone else important to my life, Dan.
There's a lot that's going to stem out from the events of the past weekend. I'll doing my own mental & life inventory for the next few weeks. Now I'm going on a flight to NYC and spend the rest of my vacation. Followed by *J*'s wedding whom is another important person that helped shaped my life. Not in the way Lindsay has. Where as Lindsay is a key figure in who I am emotionally, *J* is a key figure in who I am professionally and artistically.
To all of you whom reached out to me in the past week or so, thank you. I have some awesome friends who really support me. I hope one day you'll finally get to meet Lindsay & Dan!
More importantly, I need to thank both Lindsay & Dan. I know that my presence may have added an outside dynamic to your relationship witch each other. It's well within your rights to not have invited me, let alone still keep in contact with me. Instead, we have a working friendship with each other. I don't see failure in my decisions to leave. The only failure would be if I had lost all contact with Lindsay. Instead, I have a strong friendship with her, and now a new friendship with Dan. This, above all else, is the true success. This is why I am extremely grateful that the two of you are together.