My depressing dream.
So I had the worst dream last night. And I wouldn't say a nightmare, cos they're normally more scary then just depressing.. And It wasn't scary. Just sad and confusing. I woke up feeling sick and wanting to cry. Hmm. Guess I better explain the dream...
We (ALOT of us) were at my house having a party. I actually don't remember many faces at all from the dream. But it was a wierd party. And we were outside, like there were people inside too, but I stayed outside the whole time. And I just remember that everyone was doing weird sorta things, i dunno how to explain it. And there were these little things bout the size of a garden gnome that glowed red that someone was showing off.. *shrugs*
I was drinking Red Wine too. So for anyone who doesn't know my alcohol taste, I DON'T drink wine.
--So this is where it gets ouchy--
So amungst all this weirdness I ended up sleeping with Seth. Still outside mind you. With people around. But we had a blanket. *shrugs* And afterwards I kinda went. OMG WTF did I just do. Like it took a while to actually sink in. And I stood up (fully dressed again?!?) and David walked outside. And he looked so upset. I felt heart broken. And he said "I guess since half the party seen what was happening, you can't exactly pretend it didn't happen" And I was like FUCK! I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I was just trying not to cry, cos I knew I deserved to feel like shit.
Then he went and got into his car and left. And then everyone from the party was gone too. And then Seth came up to me, and tried to say something. And I cut him off and said "Krissy has to know. She'll hate me, and probably you too, but Im not going to keep it from her. I think you should leave AND not come back." So he left.
And I was just standing outside under the cover area sad, and feeling sick, and empty. Thats what I felt the most, was empty.
Then I woke up. And everytime I tried to get back to sleep, all I seen was the hurt on Davids face.
*sigh* I just wanna curl up in a ball. Cos I can still feel all that raw emotion. The sadness, the emptyness.
We (ALOT of us) were at my house having a party. I actually don't remember many faces at all from the dream. But it was a wierd party. And we were outside, like there were people inside too, but I stayed outside the whole time. And I just remember that everyone was doing weird sorta things, i dunno how to explain it. And there were these little things bout the size of a garden gnome that glowed red that someone was showing off.. *shrugs*
I was drinking Red Wine too. So for anyone who doesn't know my alcohol taste, I DON'T drink wine.
--So this is where it gets ouchy--
So amungst all this weirdness I ended up sleeping with Seth. Still outside mind you. With people around. But we had a blanket. *shrugs* And afterwards I kinda went. OMG WTF did I just do. Like it took a while to actually sink in. And I stood up (fully dressed again?!?) and David walked outside. And he looked so upset. I felt heart broken. And he said "I guess since half the party seen what was happening, you can't exactly pretend it didn't happen" And I was like FUCK! I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I was just trying not to cry, cos I knew I deserved to feel like shit.
Then he went and got into his car and left. And then everyone from the party was gone too. And then Seth came up to me, and tried to say something. And I cut him off and said "Krissy has to know. She'll hate me, and probably you too, but Im not going to keep it from her. I think you should leave AND not come back." So he left.
And I was just standing outside under the cover area sad, and feeling sick, and empty. Thats what I felt the most, was empty.
Then I woke up. And everytime I tried to get back to sleep, all I seen was the hurt on Davids face.
*sigh* I just wanna curl up in a ball. Cos I can still feel all that raw emotion. The sadness, the emptyness.