Primeval- "Changes I Don't Want to Undo"
Cutter was exhausted as he slowly pulled himself back through yet another anomaly. He nodded tiredly to Connor, who tried to smile, and Abby, who looked as if she’d been crying… again. It had been a long ten months since Stephen’s death. Clearing his throat a little to dislodge some of the dust in it, he accepted a bottle of water from one of the random assistants.
“It was the Silurian like we thought… much later than when we were there before… I just want to go home and wash this all off of me.” He didn’t clarify what he wanted to wash off, whether it was the dust or experience.
With a tired sigh, Nick got into his vehicle and retrieved his wallet and keys from where they had been lying on the dash before putting the key into the ignition. For a moment he leaned his head on the steering wheel before leaning up and starting the truck. With one last nod to Connor and Abby, who were finishing packing up the equipment, he pulled away from the anomaly site.
On the way home, he couldn’t help but go over those last moments with Stephen. He had been so helpless, so worthless. All he could give his friend was the dignity of witnessing his sacrifice. Even now months later he still had horrific nightmares. As he pulled onto his street, Nick realized that something wasn’t right and fully looked around. Instead of the soft and homey brick houses, the street was filled with ultra-modern blocks of flats. Looking at the street sign, he made certain he hadn’t made a wrong turn as he drove on auto-pilot. After he had figured out he was on the right street, Nick almost had a heart-attack when he realized that something had changed while he was inside the anomaly. He did his best to remain calm as he looked for an empty space to stop.
Pulling over, he jerked his wallet out of his pocket and stared at the address. “125 Bramble Drive? Where in the hell is that?” He drew a slow steadying breath before looking at the questionable device that he’d allowed Connor to put into the vehicle. Punching the power button, he frowned as it spoke. “What is your destination, Professor Cutter?” He made a mental note to speak with Connor about his tinkering on devices. “Umm… 125 Bramble Drive.”
“You wish to go home, Professor?” A map flashed up onto the screen as the vaguely feminine voice spoke.
“Yes, please.” Nick frowned as he couldn’t help but be polite as he watched the machine show his current location and then directions from there.
Following the GPS directions, he made a winding trip through the residential streets leading away from the centre of the city.
For the entire trip he was carefully making certain that he didn’t think too much about how things had changed until he was safely inside somewhere. Having a fit while driving would only cause him to crash and not give him any additional information. When the device indicated that he had reached Bramble Drive, he looked around at the nice stone houses and well-manicured lawns. It was very similar to his old house, so perhaps the differences weren’t so great. Perhaps he’d sold his old house to the developers who’d built the flats and had moved somewhere similar. Looking around, he waved back at his apparent neighbors who were in their gardens waving as they apparently knew him. This friendly atmosphere made him relax a little before the GPS instructed him to pull into the driveway of the last house on the street.
After pulling into the drive of 125, he shut off the car and stared at the house with a mixed feeling. Slowly, he got out and locked the car automatically as he moved to the door of the two story grey-stone house. With a thorough look around, Nick moved to the front step. Knowing himself, he picked through the keys on the key-ring until he found the one that matched the door.
Inside, he put his keys into the same bowl that had sat by the hall-way at his old house. He recognized almost everything in the house and subconsciously relaxed more as he walked into the first room he’d come to. As he drew a deep breath, he frowned at the scent coming to him from what he assumed was the kitchen. Still frowning, he followed the scent and found a baking tray with fresh scones cooling on the kitchen counter. Picking one up, he hissed as it burnt his fingers. Once he’d blown on the scone enough to cool it down a little, he took a bite and smiled. “This is my mother’s scone recipe… but how?”
“Well, I spent almost two hours on the phone with her trying to make the damn things, so I would hope they taste about right.” The familiar voice made Nick’s eyes go wide as he dropped the scone and whirled.
Standing in a doorway leading out of the kitchen was one man that he felt he wouldn’t ever see again.
Stephen moved slowly towards him with a heavy sweater wrapped around him. “Nick? Are you okay? You look like you just went ten rounds with a gorgonopsid and lost.”
As Nick tried to rationalize what was going on, he noticed something odd about his formerly dead friend. His middle looked strangely pudgy, as if he were starting to get a beer-gut. Trying to form a sensible word, Nick could only sputter nonsensically.
“Cutter, you’re starting to frighten me. What’s wrong?” Stephen’s voice was music to him, even while the tone was one of worry. Before he could form a reassuring answer, Stephen stopped with a hiss and grabbed his side. “Fuck…”
Forgetting his own confusion, Nick stepped closer to him and put a hand out to him. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
With a couple slow, deep breaths, Stephen smiled as he rubbed his side. “We’re fine… I just think this one is going to be a football player. He keeps putting his feet into my kidneys.”
Nick slowly licked his lips and reached out a hand to where Stephen’s hand was. His mind was screaming at the illogical implications that his formerly dead friend was now pregnant. Knowing that only a slight variation would be needed during the primordial stages of the development of primates to cause a change in evolution, Nick wondered what had happened to cause this… And barring changes to the evolution of pre-humans, what kind of drugs Connor had slipped him or how badly he’d hit his head.
As he laid his hand by Stephen’s, the younger man laughed. “You’d think by now it would get old, feeling him move like that.”
Before he could say he didn’t feel anything, he felt it. Under his palm was a tiny movement followed by what had to be a stretch of some type. Completely enthralled, Nick followed the movements as best he could before the baby apparently went to sleep. “I guess that’s all for now.”
“We both know he’ll pick up again the moment I try to sleep… So how did the trip through anomaly go? I see no bandages and you aren’t moving like you pulled something, so it couldn’t have been too terrible.” Stephen leaned in and kissed his cheek briefly before moving by him to go to the refrigerator and retrieve a bottle of water.
While Stephen’s back was to him, Nick touched his cheek and realized things were much more different than he’d originally thought. When the younger man turned to look at him, Nick realized he was waiting on a reply. “Oh, no… It was the Silurian as we thought. I was there long enough to get the usual samples and come back. The worst thing I came across was a couple of large insects that seemed mosquito-like. One of them I had to kill before it could drink me dry.” Frowning, Cutter couldn’t help but wonder if that one little bug had caused such huge differences in the future. Mentally shaking his head, he dismissed the idea and pushed all of that thinking aside in favor of studying Stephen.
“Attack of the giant mosquito… sounds like a horror flick Connor would bring for movie night.” Stephen shook his head with a small smile before gesturing vaguely up the stairs. “Go and shower… You’re leaving sand piles in the kitchen and the more you leave, the more you have to clean up.”
As the other man turned to walk away, Nick reached out and stopped him with a hand around his arm.
Turning back to Nick, Stephen smiled in question. Leaning close, Nick breathed in slowly, taking in the familiar scent before brushing his lips over Stephen’s. “I don’t think you know how happy I am to see you…”
“Nick?” Stephen frowned in a concerned manner, but Nick waved it off.
“Go and get your feet up before they swell.” Moving upstairs, Nick looked into every room unable to control his curiosity. In one of the rooms he found a complete nursery. At first he thought it was for the baby Stephen carried, and then he noticed the soft snores coming from the cot. Going further into the room, he looked into the cot and found a sleeping blond child. Using his brother’s children as a guide for age, he thought the baby to be about a year old.
He couldn’t help but smile as the child stretched and smacked her lips in her sleep. Reaching out he was about to brush a finger over one of her little rosy cheeks when he noticed how dirty he was. Nick slowly moved back out of the room, not wanting to dirty the baby or her things; feeling almost as if his dirty hands would contaminate something very precious if he did.
Finding the master bedroom he stared momentarily at the large bed before going into the in-suite bathroom. Stripping out of his clothes in a slight daze, he made certain the door was locked before going into the shower and turning on the water as hot as he could stand it. With his head under the streaming water, he tried to sort through all of the differences. He’d already come to the conclusion that this was too well-crafted to be a delusion or some-how drug-induced. So, logically there had to have been some change he made in the Silurian. Unlike the last time, however, he wasn’t planning on rushing back to the anomaly and trying to change back what he’d done.
In this changed version of the world, he’d apparently given in to and admitted his feelings for Stephen. He’d never had any question on why he was so upset about Stephen sleeping with Helen. It had never been about Helen, he had had years to get accustomed to the idea of losing her. But just when he’d been ready to say something to his young male friend, the anomalies had come up. Then when he was about to make a second go at it, Helen had, apparently, realized his intentions and told about the affair. Just knowing that she had touched something he had come to desperately want made Nick angry in ways he thought he’d left behind him decades ago.
Somehow, through a change in biology that he’d probably accidentally brought about, he and Stephen had produced the little girl in the nursery. Between her similarities to his own baby pictures and Stephen’s nose and mouth, he had no doubts as to her parentage. Which, given her age, explained why Stephen had not died by the predators. If he were even close to correct about her age, Stephen would have either just given birth or had been about to at that time.
Under the spray of the shower, Nick tried to decide what to do. He knew for certain that no matter who else was gone, or what else was different, as long as he had Stephen, the Scotsman couldn’t bring himself to care about ever going back. With that firmly in mind, he moved on to what he should do. Should he tell Stephen about the change? If so, how many of the differences should he tell him? With a sigh, he reached out and grabbed shampoo from the shelf. Scrubbing at his hair he decided that he should figure out how different everything was, and if it were an unmanageable amount of change, he would talk to Stephen. Nick didn’t think he should worry the pregnant man any more than he had to.
The reminder of the younger man’s pregnancy made Nick frown a little. He knew that feeling movement from the baby happened roughly in the middle of the pregnancy, which meant Stephen was around four to five months pregnant. That meant, within five or six months of having the girl, Stephen had come up pregnant again. Uncertain if that was truly healthy for him, Nick made a mental note to question him about his health.
Hurriedly, Nick finished his shower, feeling slightly better that he had worked out a plan of action. A small part of him wanted to have a spastic fit about the change, but the majority of him was too shocked and overjoyed to allow the other part to act out on its wish for a fit. Stepping out of the shower, he wrapped himself in one of the towels on the rack nearby. Going to the mirror, he looked at himself and wondered if he were going to be able to fool Stephen. Even before, he’d had trouble keeping important things from his research assistant. Now, when they had apparently been together on a much more intimate level, Stephen would probably be able to spot any inconsistencies even quicker.
“Did you drown yourself in there?” Stephen’s voice came through the door making Nick startle just a bit.
Finishing his drying, Nick found his favorite grey terry-cloth robe hanging on the back of the door beside a dark blue one of some shiny material. Nick quickly put on his robe and opened the door. Lying on his back on the bed, Stephen was holding the now awake little girl above him making clucking noises at her.
“Someone’s awake.” Nick commented as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed and look closer at the little girl.
She made a happy squealing noise when she saw him and immediately held out her arms so he would take her.
Stephen handed her over and slowly pushed himself upright. “Someone’s a daddy’s girl who knew the moment her daddy left her in her nursery.” He smiled as he shifted to lean against the headboard of the bed.
Laughing, Nick studied her face, pleased to find she had Stephen’s eyes. “I can’t blame her for knowing a handsome devil when she sees one.”
This made Stephen scoff while watching the common-place little stare off that Nick and their daughter had going on. “I’ve often wondered what you’re looking for when you look at her so deeply.”
With a glance at Stephen, Nick shrugged and attempted to get into the head of the ‘him’ that should have been so that he could give an appropriate answer. “Don’t suppose I know really. This time, I’m looking at her eyes and thinking how much like yours they are. Other times… I suppose I could be looking at her nose… which is yours as well. Or maybe I’m looking at her cute little chin and wondering if it’s my grandfather’s… Then again, I could just be thinking how beautiful she is and wondering what the next one is going to look like.”
This made Stephen smile softly as he petted his stomach slowly. “It’s kind of silly but whenever you stare at her like that I almost feel left out. Almost as if you two are off alone in your own little world.”
Nick shook his head. “No need to feel left out. Because, at most I’m thinking about the beautiful child we have and the one we’re going to have in the not too distant future. Also, where ever I am, you’re not that far away, at least not in the non-physical sense anyway.”
“Ah, Cutter… Your heart-felt ramblings that make little sense will always send a thrill through my heart.” Stephen said with a chuckle as he reached out and straightened the baby’s sleeper.
With an only slightly put out glare, Nick went back to studying the baby. After a few moments, the baby began to nod back off and Nick was surprised to find he wouldn’t mind a nap himself. Shifting the baby to lie on the bed between him and Stephen, he settled himself between the baby and the edge of the bed. Roughly scrubbing at his eyes, he smiled a little at Stephen before settling his hand on the sleeping baby’s stomach and closing his eyes. “Think she’s got the right idea. Hope you don’t mind me napping for a bit.”
Stephen leaned over and brushed a kiss over Nick’s lips before shifting to the edge of the bed. “I don’t mind at all… I’ve got some paperwork to take care. I’ll be in the study if you need me.”
When Nick didn’t respond, Stephen shook his head and left the sleepers to their nap. Moving to the study, Stephen got his mobile-phone and placed a call to Connor with a slight frown.
“Hey-yo… What can I do for you this chilly evening, Stephen?” Connor asked while he answered the phone while skate-boarding down the ramp at the ARC, heading for the anomaly detector.
Chuckling, Stephen eased himself into Nick’s rather plush desk chair behind his desk. “I was just wondering if something odd happened with the anomaly this afternoon.”
Connor stepped his board to a stop as he came up to the multi-screen device. “Odd? How d’you mean?”
“Nick came home acting a little weird. He came in the front door instead of the kitchen door. Then he just about shit himself when I spoke behind him. Next he acted as if he’d never seen my bump before. Finally, I called him Cutter a couple of times and he didn’t do the whole indignant speech about us both being a Cutter so why would I talk about myself… And then there’s just this gut feeling that something’s happened.” Stephen pointed out all of the little things that had caught on his consciousness.
Pulling his chair close to the monitors, Connor settled down and thought about what Stephen had listed. “I don’t know… None of that is too weird. I mean maybe he came in the front door to surprise you and got shocked when you got the jump on him. As for acting like he’s never seen the bump before, well… he does that any way. I think it just randomly hits him that you’re up the duff again. The letting you call him Cutter thing… I don’t know about that one. Maybe he’s just tired… It could all also be linked to your pregnancy… as I recall you got a little paranoid with Kairi.”
This made Stephen frown before shaking his head. “That’s why I wanted to run it by you before I went off on the man like last time… Though I still relish the mental picture I have of him trying to explain that he wasn’t the reason my favorite ice cream parlor went out of business…”
Connor chuckled at the memory. “Or the time you blamed him because there were only three almonds in your chocolate bar.”
Groaning, Stephen scrubbed at his face. “I think it’s probably the weird paranoia setting in again… Damn, I hoped I wouldn’t get it this time. Poor Nick was ready to string me up by the time it faded last time.”
“Don’t put too much thought into it… I’d say just watch him and if things continue to ping on your brain, tell me. Me and Abby will be watching too, just in case.” Connor grinned at his female friend who came in with a frown on her face. They’d made plans to go to the reopening of a refurbished old skate park that evening and he was late, which she wasn’t going to let him forget anytime soon.
Stephen relaxed a little before speaking again. “Okay. It probably is nothing. We’ll see you tomorrow for movie night?”
After making certain the anomaly detector was working properly, Connor stood up and picked up his skate board to follow Abby out of the ARC. “Yep, we’re bringing three movies: one action, one comedy and finally a sci-fi/thriller.”
“I’ve been working on those damn scones Nick likes… There are about three dozen of the not quite right ones for our movie snacks.” Stephen shifted in his seat and kicked his feet up on the desk.
With a quick exchange of partings, Connor slid his phone into his pocket and grinned at Abby. “The paranoia is back… Stephen thinks Cutter is acting weird.”
Softly groaning, Abby shook her head. “Well, as long as we can keep him from blaming the thinning ozone on the professor again, I think everyone will be fine.”
This made Connor chuckle as he politely offered his elbow to his companion who took it with a grin as they proceeded out to where the car was parked.
Back at the Cutter residence, Stephen settled into a more comfortable position before going back to work on the paperwork he’d been trying to help Nick get finished.
0-0-0-0
When Nick woke up, it was to the soft whimpers of a baby who was about to wake up as well.
Sitting up, he picked her up and started to the nursery. On the way he smiled at Stephen, who appeared to be working on something important in the study that was between the master bedroom and the nursery.
Inside of the nursery, he quickly changed the now crying baby’s nappy before lifting her and going back to Stephen. “You shouldn’t be working so hard.”
Stephen looked up from the paperwork and smiled before pushing himself to his feet. “We’ve discussed this. It’s just paperwork. It isn’t as if I’m going to the ARC and travelling through anomalies. If the worst thing I do is your paperwork, I think I’m ahead… Which reminds me; I need you to write up what happened on the other side of today’s anomaly. Lester has already sent me an email asking for it.”
Grumbling under his breath about stupid bosses who had too much free-time, Nick followed Stephen down stairs and allowed the other man to take the baby while gesturing for Nick to make her a bottle. With only a second’s hesitation, Nick took one of the clean bottles, visible in the glass front cabinets, and prepared a bottle from the formula canister sitting on the counter.
With a feeling of confidence, Nick grinned at Stephen and began to feed their daughter. He could do this… he could slip easily into this perfect life. If anything came up, he would deal with it… he could deal with it because Stephen was there and he wasn’t going to let go of him for anything.
AN: Now edited to sound more British! Thanks to reggietate for the beta/Brit work!