Of Cabbages and Kings
Well, I haven't posted in a long time. I have been reprimanded quite thoroughly by a few of you so I thought, since I am here, I would rant onto the screen and hope to find some solace in the banishment of my thoughts to a white screen with black symbols of my mental state-of-mind.
I feel like everyone in my life is saying the same thing right now, but I am spiraling. I am somewhere in this loop but I don't know if the next one will be bigger or smaller. I don't know if this is an upward spiral or a downward spiral. I guess I just have to live it out. I have an inkling that most spirals are not upward though. Maybe that is my pessimism.
A long time ago I thought that life would be simple, that the rules were black and white, and that there was always an answer, that things would always be they way they were supposed to. But now I am either breaking the rules or I am living in grey areas that I never allowed to exist before. Either way, "the center does not hold, things fall apart." Yeats was right. There is no center that holds against the ravaging effects of the human mind in a spiral. None at all.
I hope that someday I will be able to understand the way that my life is being shaped right now, that maybe someday I will not feel like a machine anymore, like someday I will be able to fully reciprocate a love that I can bearly understand right now. I still have dreams, as buried as they are, as changed and altered as they have been by this horrific spiral.
So there is my poetic distribution of thoughts. and here is my synopsis: life is not what I thought it would be and I don't know how to handle that.
I feel like everyone in my life is saying the same thing right now, but I am spiraling. I am somewhere in this loop but I don't know if the next one will be bigger or smaller. I don't know if this is an upward spiral or a downward spiral. I guess I just have to live it out. I have an inkling that most spirals are not upward though. Maybe that is my pessimism.
A long time ago I thought that life would be simple, that the rules were black and white, and that there was always an answer, that things would always be they way they were supposed to. But now I am either breaking the rules or I am living in grey areas that I never allowed to exist before. Either way, "the center does not hold, things fall apart." Yeats was right. There is no center that holds against the ravaging effects of the human mind in a spiral. None at all.
I hope that someday I will be able to understand the way that my life is being shaped right now, that maybe someday I will not feel like a machine anymore, like someday I will be able to fully reciprocate a love that I can bearly understand right now. I still have dreams, as buried as they are, as changed and altered as they have been by this horrific spiral.
So there is my poetic distribution of thoughts. and here is my synopsis: life is not what I thought it would be and I don't know how to handle that.