You should title your pieces. it gives them a little more meaning and helps the reader identify them. it also deletes the need for the lines across the page which are very very distracting
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I would disagree with you on the centering thing. Placement and format of poems helps the reader enjoy the poem more. You just happen to one out of a million that can't stand poetry that plays with the format. I think it might have worked better centered.
haha. I didnt say i dont like changing up the format. I just dont really like when the entire poem is centered. and especially with this poem, i dont think it would have really increased the effect. but its all personal preference.
I thought your first poem was awesome. You had a few lines that really sunk me into the poem. Such as, Aspirations crumble to ash in your hands Fill your sightless vision and Corrosion corrupts your freedom. Some of your lines were cliched, but I don't think it pulled away from the poem.
WOW. I really really think that your second poem has beyond good potential. A few things here and there that you can change (like majestic_lies said...just doesn't really flow). I didn't think it seemed forced though. It just didn't flow, a little choppy in some spots, but that can be smoothed over.
I agree that your third poem seems a little vague. But I like the images you give. I like them a lot. Are you talking about childhood innocence and the destruction of it? That's the sort of image I got...was I even close?
Overall, WHOA. I really, really liked your poetry. I thought that it was just awesome and the parts that didn't seem totally right didn't ovewhelm the fact that all three were very well written.
You’re making me giddy *blushes*. Thankyou so much. And please any advice on improvements is very welcome :D With the second one the whole layout irritated me, but i wasn’t quite sure how to divide it into verses, or if i should have at all. I know the flow made me awkward as well. as for the third one, what you suggest is the closest that i have ever come to understanding what it is about. lolz
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I didnt say i dont like changing up the format.
I just dont really like when the entire poem is centered.
and especially with this poem, i dont think it would have really increased the effect. but its all personal preference.
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WOW. I really really think that your second poem has beyond good potential. A few things here and there that you can change (like majestic_lies said...just doesn't really flow). I didn't think it seemed forced though. It just didn't flow, a little choppy in some spots, but that can be smoothed over.
I agree that your third poem seems a little vague. But I like the images you give. I like them a lot. Are you talking about childhood innocence and the destruction of it? That's the sort of image I got...was I even close?
Overall, WHOA. I really, really liked your poetry. I thought that it was just awesome and the parts that didn't seem totally right didn't ovewhelm the fact that all three were very well written.
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Thankyou so much. And please any advice on improvements is very welcome :D
With the second one the whole layout irritated me, but i wasn’t quite sure how to divide it into verses, or if i should have at all. I know the flow made me awkward as well.
as for the third one, what you suggest is the closest that i have ever come to understanding what it is about. lolz
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