i cant sleep
it all seems like a million miles
a million miles away
the touch i so long to feel
ive watched it fade away
comfort of a tv tray
covered in paper and seeds
the taste of newports and vodka
that brought me to my knees
it all seems like a million miles
a million miles away
a thousand hours
a million days
ive watched it fade away
the smell of incense in my hair
the room so humid from sweat
the feel of your unshaved mustache on my lips
your tongue ring on my clit
the feel of your back arched against me
the heat from your exhausted exhale
waking up in the morning and leaning over
seeing you beautiful and pale
farther than a millions miles
longer than a thousand days
memories that somehow have not been lost
in the millions i have gained
you with you clear blue eyes
and your tattoo across you back
you with your intentions
that your actions completely lack
tell me that it can go back
was it even worth it all
my memories are so jaded
the truth i can't recall
you lay in bed with your new toys
they dont even inspire you
their stereotypical attachment
their lack of any passion
they fall at your feet
and so you walk atop their backs
you shift at night through our memories
you cant keep them on track
a million miles
a million miles
a million miles away
but in our heads
we will torment
each other everyday
the daily train wreck i call my mental comprehension
my emotions collide in the middle of a busy intersection
and i, a passenger, can only watch in horror
as what i want and what i need battle for the floor
i want your touch i hate
i need your voice i cant bear
i want to walk away as i stand
i need to be deaf as i hear
you have gotten to me
i think
i can walk away
i presume
i honestly wish you would leave me alone
come to my bedroom
no there is no sense to be made
no logic in all of this
i hate every thought of you
that i painfully miss
a window down as the air flows in
freedom into my hair
sunglasses perched on my nose
music in my ears
hand out the window
waving in the wind
dog sitting in the passenger seat
luggage in the back
driving down the freeway
60mph away from what i left
60mph toward something
something new
something completely
unequivocally
not
you