jake and I's relationship
Hello Journal, it has been awhile, a long while, yes indeed.
well I would love to write about my feelings toward jake. i feel confused to say the least about my feelings for him if I even have any. right now he's partaking in something that i don't really feel like being around, after coming home from a "hard days" work and having a drink and smoke with his manly friends. Am i being hyper judgemental? what is wrong with this situation? isn't a person able to partake in what they wish to?
I don't understnad what we have together. i don't really know if i have feelings for him anymore. i mean we have been apart for so long, how can i say i know him? maybe the things that i liked him for are overwhelming me with confusion now. greg asking me if i love him, i don't know what love is . it is a confusing word. does it mean unconditional love? he recommened to make lists of my boundaries and his too. i don't feel romantic with him, turned on, wierd, do we just pick up where we left off? i dunno. we have not talked enough about this. I always feel like we put off doing things because we are never in the right place or space to do so. we put off conversatons because we don't have the self care inherent enough to care for ourselves. maybe i'm jealous that he is hanging out with his manly friends? it just puts me off, to say the least, meaning, like it's just not that appealing to me anymore.. i dont know if it ever was though.... what does it mean to have a relationship?? i want to have a different kind of relationship anyway. am i making any sense?? probably not right now..
I resist jake, i dont feel all hot and attracted to him. i don't really even miss him, i dont want to miss anybody. am i being too rigged with my relationships?? where is my passion for him? i dont even really feel that inspired by our relationship.. these feel like secrets . secrects i'm hiding because i might be afraid of the truth. trust, do i trust him? did i ever and where did it go?
I'm sick of always feeling like i'm putting all the energy into the relationship, i think i'm ready for some kind of argument to occur. some kind of passion, i'm asking for, some kind of honesty anything. I haven't gotten anything from you in 7months and now we're supposed to be able to just pick up fomr where we left off? to ask that is a hard thing to ask! i was running from having to deal with these problems, are they mine or are they his? clarity. they must be mine in many ways. i can use this oppuruntiy to figure things out.
i dont feel like i have anything in coommon with you. what do we have in common? honestly? i just keep having hte feeling that you are denying yourself and not taking care of yourself. which makes me feeel unattracted to you. i want you to be healthy and happy. are you those things? can a relationshiop be possible if those things are not present ? id ont even really want to do anything with you. i am completey resistant to you. i am pushing you away. i dont trust you. where is all this coming from? anger that we had to be apart for so long -- that we had to do this to each other. that it feels like you did it to me. that you didnt miss me enough and i pained for you but that was a long time ago and now i'm over it, i'm over our realtionhip i've let go of my feelings for you, if i even had any we we last departed. whatever they were when we left they don't feel very alive in me anymore. mybe i'm not willing to put enough energy into this relationshiop. maybe i dont care about it. maybe i'm reallty frustrated! i thin that is what is going on., maybe i want to say really mean things to you for loving you and missing you so much. maybe i need to tell you that i hate you for taking up so much of my heart in what feels like a non consensual disfuctional realtionship/. maybe i need to reclaim my lost feelings or throw them away and move on. that was a long time ago, i 've changed you've changed are our lives even moving in the same direction? does it make sense for us to be togehter? can you teach me anything? not anymore. i think you already did that in a major sense. you've changed. and or i'm confused by who you are right now. what i am seeing. i am not used to . it feels like macho man work jake black mesa seriousness. i would like us to have a break from that reality in our relationship, but maybe you dont think that's a good idea. its; like aunt linda says you date someone because you want to learn somehting from them , and once you have then that's it, it's over.
thinking things over, trying to find clarity. communication. you feel delicate and taking things slow to me, i feel passionate and active in my life. i dont see this lining up. lets find some meaning in this relationship or call it quits already man.
~jenny
well I would love to write about my feelings toward jake. i feel confused to say the least about my feelings for him if I even have any. right now he's partaking in something that i don't really feel like being around, after coming home from a "hard days" work and having a drink and smoke with his manly friends. Am i being hyper judgemental? what is wrong with this situation? isn't a person able to partake in what they wish to?
I don't understnad what we have together. i don't really know if i have feelings for him anymore. i mean we have been apart for so long, how can i say i know him? maybe the things that i liked him for are overwhelming me with confusion now. greg asking me if i love him, i don't know what love is . it is a confusing word. does it mean unconditional love? he recommened to make lists of my boundaries and his too. i don't feel romantic with him, turned on, wierd, do we just pick up where we left off? i dunno. we have not talked enough about this. I always feel like we put off doing things because we are never in the right place or space to do so. we put off conversatons because we don't have the self care inherent enough to care for ourselves. maybe i'm jealous that he is hanging out with his manly friends? it just puts me off, to say the least, meaning, like it's just not that appealing to me anymore.. i dont know if it ever was though.... what does it mean to have a relationship?? i want to have a different kind of relationship anyway. am i making any sense?? probably not right now..
I resist jake, i dont feel all hot and attracted to him. i don't really even miss him, i dont want to miss anybody. am i being too rigged with my relationships?? where is my passion for him? i dont even really feel that inspired by our relationship.. these feel like secrets . secrects i'm hiding because i might be afraid of the truth. trust, do i trust him? did i ever and where did it go?
I'm sick of always feeling like i'm putting all the energy into the relationship, i think i'm ready for some kind of argument to occur. some kind of passion, i'm asking for, some kind of honesty anything. I haven't gotten anything from you in 7months and now we're supposed to be able to just pick up fomr where we left off? to ask that is a hard thing to ask! i was running from having to deal with these problems, are they mine or are they his? clarity. they must be mine in many ways. i can use this oppuruntiy to figure things out.
i dont feel like i have anything in coommon with you. what do we have in common? honestly? i just keep having hte feeling that you are denying yourself and not taking care of yourself. which makes me feeel unattracted to you. i want you to be healthy and happy. are you those things? can a relationshiop be possible if those things are not present ? id ont even really want to do anything with you. i am completey resistant to you. i am pushing you away. i dont trust you. where is all this coming from? anger that we had to be apart for so long -- that we had to do this to each other. that it feels like you did it to me. that you didnt miss me enough and i pained for you but that was a long time ago and now i'm over it, i'm over our realtionhip i've let go of my feelings for you, if i even had any we we last departed. whatever they were when we left they don't feel very alive in me anymore. mybe i'm not willing to put enough energy into this relationshiop. maybe i dont care about it. maybe i'm reallty frustrated! i thin that is what is going on., maybe i want to say really mean things to you for loving you and missing you so much. maybe i need to tell you that i hate you for taking up so much of my heart in what feels like a non consensual disfuctional realtionship/. maybe i need to reclaim my lost feelings or throw them away and move on. that was a long time ago, i 've changed you've changed are our lives even moving in the same direction? does it make sense for us to be togehter? can you teach me anything? not anymore. i think you already did that in a major sense. you've changed. and or i'm confused by who you are right now. what i am seeing. i am not used to . it feels like macho man work jake black mesa seriousness. i would like us to have a break from that reality in our relationship, but maybe you dont think that's a good idea. its; like aunt linda says you date someone because you want to learn somehting from them , and once you have then that's it, it's over.
thinking things over, trying to find clarity. communication. you feel delicate and taking things slow to me, i feel passionate and active in my life. i dont see this lining up. lets find some meaning in this relationship or call it quits already man.
~jenny