the rust belt
hello journal, it's me. it's a late night, as always. i'm here typing in this journal, as i always seem to do in the summers. it is funny comparing myself over the years. writing in my journal late at night on the computer in the summer is something i've always done. i seem to like to surf the net quite a bit. [makes weird noise with mouth] .... people are quite interesting i must say. do i think i am interesting? i should start to think so a little bit more. i certainly find others' lives quite interesting. I find their progressions interesting.
i want to start making the best out of every situation i am in. that sounds good, huh? i'ma gonna be missin' my momma pretty soon i think. i've gotten quite close to her lately and find talking to her the most beneficial to me. i gotta take somea that understanding she gives me and apply to my own personally.
Every day is new, it's quite amazing. I learn so much in one day. i want to start treating situations from my heart. from what i REALLY feel, from what i really want. I gotta push myself further and further till I'm there, till what i want is being viewed from the inside of my body and the perception of mis ojos. i think i'm pretty much at a point where i know what i want and can see the qualities I like in ppl and sometimes i act on this, but i gotta work on being more warm with other ppl and more willing to communicate and feel comfortable with ppl i don't know.
so i was looking at some pictures earlier on this "internet session" that has lasted quite some time. i was pretty much stalking someone by looking at years' worth of photos. it was very fun. i have a crush on this person, i spent a week with this person. I talked to this person, like twice the whole time. i was too scaredie like chicken shit to talk to them. maybe i wasn't ready yet. maybe this person will teach me to finally TALK! i usually don't have this problem. i think it was a lot of things going on actually that didn't allow me to talk to him.
i gotta learn to hold onto myself. and don't worry what other ppl think cuz at the end of the night, all you's gots yoself to reflect with. that and yo family, those who love you unconditionally. even in these radical communities and collectives, ppl will try to love you to death, but that shit takes time and they can only be there for you so much, or maybe i just don't wanna open up completely to them. that could be it, that's probably it. why don't i wanna open up to ppl? there's no answer. i got none.
my hair's real soft
'cause i took a shower just
yesterday
and met new ppl
who cared for me
and told me stress
is not being able to
reach that which we tell ourselves
isn't good for ourselves
well i heard someone once say
i don't know what i know
who says we know what we know?
the sweater i wear
has been worn by many
and purposefully not washed much
to perserve a scent that
is importnat for me to remember,
the scent of my on-going days
and my pushing of the
general cleanliness that is
incorporated into so many american
lifestlyles and wasted
dryer sheets
also of anne's tale of washing
clothes by hand in
some country i can't recall
at the present
as i slowly lay my head down
i view life five inches lower
than usual and the light shifts
as i close my eyes and wonder
about everyone,
seeing pictures
of them laying down too,
wondering,
thinking just like me, are they
sure why not.
'cause my skin feels soft and it's
2 am in the summer
where i don't change much
and change much at the same time
<3 jen-e johnson
i want to start making the best out of every situation i am in. that sounds good, huh? i'ma gonna be missin' my momma pretty soon i think. i've gotten quite close to her lately and find talking to her the most beneficial to me. i gotta take somea that understanding she gives me and apply to my own personally.
Every day is new, it's quite amazing. I learn so much in one day. i want to start treating situations from my heart. from what i REALLY feel, from what i really want. I gotta push myself further and further till I'm there, till what i want is being viewed from the inside of my body and the perception of mis ojos. i think i'm pretty much at a point where i know what i want and can see the qualities I like in ppl and sometimes i act on this, but i gotta work on being more warm with other ppl and more willing to communicate and feel comfortable with ppl i don't know.
so i was looking at some pictures earlier on this "internet session" that has lasted quite some time. i was pretty much stalking someone by looking at years' worth of photos. it was very fun. i have a crush on this person, i spent a week with this person. I talked to this person, like twice the whole time. i was too scaredie like chicken shit to talk to them. maybe i wasn't ready yet. maybe this person will teach me to finally TALK! i usually don't have this problem. i think it was a lot of things going on actually that didn't allow me to talk to him.
i gotta learn to hold onto myself. and don't worry what other ppl think cuz at the end of the night, all you's gots yoself to reflect with. that and yo family, those who love you unconditionally. even in these radical communities and collectives, ppl will try to love you to death, but that shit takes time and they can only be there for you so much, or maybe i just don't wanna open up completely to them. that could be it, that's probably it. why don't i wanna open up to ppl? there's no answer. i got none.
my hair's real soft
'cause i took a shower just
yesterday
and met new ppl
who cared for me
and told me stress
is not being able to
reach that which we tell ourselves
isn't good for ourselves
well i heard someone once say
i don't know what i know
who says we know what we know?
the sweater i wear
has been worn by many
and purposefully not washed much
to perserve a scent that
is importnat for me to remember,
the scent of my on-going days
and my pushing of the
general cleanliness that is
incorporated into so many american
lifestlyles and wasted
dryer sheets
also of anne's tale of washing
clothes by hand in
some country i can't recall
at the present
as i slowly lay my head down
i view life five inches lower
than usual and the light shifts
as i close my eyes and wonder
about everyone,
seeing pictures
of them laying down too,
wondering,
thinking just like me, are they
sure why not.
'cause my skin feels soft and it's
2 am in the summer
where i don't change much
and change much at the same time
<3 jen-e johnson