I've been spending some time doing what I do best, and mainly that is being self-critical. And to tell you the truth, I'm not very happy with what I've come up with
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"I am a waste of your time" Yo Carlo, I know it's been a while, but you're a waste of nobody's time. I believe that you'll get this all sorted out. Talk to Charles... he misses you. Anyways man, take care of yourself. As always, I'm on IM.
Wanting to change is the beginning of changing yourself. If you don't like the person you've become then you must be brave and become something/someone you can appreciate. You will never be the person you were, but you can become something other than you are now, if you want. Be brave and stand up to people when they ask you to do drugs or drink. If they can't accept you for who you are or respect who you are trying to become then they are no friends, thus not worth having around. You may be lonely or depressed, but these are the trials we must all suffer through if we are to shed our faults. Self loathing is the mind killer as is feeling sorry for things done in the past. Move on and change yourself; maybe someday you'll even be happy. Good luck.
I don't know if you wanna hear from me, especially on something so personal as your struggles, but I just want you to know that no matter what our friendship has been through, i never doubted that you were a good person at heart. i may not have agreed with you on a lot of things, but i always saw that you were a truly compassionate person with a fierce loyalty toward your friends. i know you think you're losing sight of those qualities right now, but hopefully you'll realize that they're rooted deep within you. anyway, take care of yourself, and never be afraid to reach out to your friends for support, me included.
All the things in your life that you think are irreparably damaged can be fixed with effort. It takes a great amount of effort, granted, but it's doable. I'm sure that Charles still wants to hear from you and patch up what you once had. I value our friendship, and would like to rekindle it. I'm glad you've been in my life.
But what you need now more than anything, if you want to change, is to believe in yourself. People can't truly believe in you until you believe in yourself. Don't make slight attempts. Give it everything you've got. Baby steps are all fine and good, but if you keep making baby steps for too long, you'll never get anywhere. Take a deep breath, make a vow to yourself to change for the better, and do it. Believe that you can do it. It'll be hard at first, but with time, the rest will follow.
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But what you need now more than anything, if you want to change, is to believe in yourself. People can't truly believe in you until you believe in yourself. Don't make slight attempts. Give it everything you've got. Baby steps are all fine and good, but if you keep making baby steps for too long, you'll never get anywhere. Take a deep breath, make a vow to yourself to change for the better, and do it. Believe that you can do it. It'll be hard at first, but with time, the rest will follow.
Be well, my friend. *hugs*
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