The Griswalds
My alarm is going off. It's 4am. I decide to hit snooze and settle back into the pillow but in the four minutes from hitting snooze I battle my conscience about five times until it finally wins, propelling me out of the bed. If I don't get to my parents’ house by 5am dad will be mad. He has told me countless times this week: "We're leaving the house by 5! I want to be in Virginia by 2! I want the truck unloaded and the mudroom painted by dinner, which will be at Glory Days." This is repeated back to me verbatim whenever he lays eyes on me at the Surge, "Don't forget! 5am!" or whenever I call the house to speak to mom and I hear him in the background, "I want to be in Virginia by 2!" or when I’m reading and I hear him invade my thoughts Professor X style, “mudroom must be painted in order to make dinner at Glory Days!” By Wednesday night, I'm guessing dad wants to leave for Virginia at 5 in the morning with an ETA of 2 in the afternoon.
I gather up my morning routine and shove it in my Destinations bag and hit the door at exactly 430am. I'm totally on schedule. I'm so glad I filled up at The Sham last night so it's a straight shot to Greenlawn.
I pass The Sham. It's down six cents since the previous night. Dammit.
The radio actually has some pretty good tunes on at this hour so it's keeping me fresh for the early start dad wants. 5am. ETA 2.
I pull into my parents’ development and drive around to park by the mailbox. I look at the front of the house. It's completely dark. Completely. Dark. Do you hear me? There's no lights on. It's dark. I look at the UHaul hoping to find my father behind the wheel hence the darkness of the house. He’ll be ready to go. He isn't kidding about this 5am business (ETA 2). But he's not behind the wheel and the house is still dark.
"Son of a bitch!"
I roll my bag up the driveway, open the garage door, close the garage door, enter the house, sneak up the stairs, and rap silently on my parents’ bedroom door. It's quiet. Oh yeah, and dark. I stand there with the bright idea that being quiet will wake up dad.
Instead it wakes Kim. A very timid voice asks, "Kate?" Like who else would be in the hallway at this ungodly hour? Kim then admits to me she wasn't sure if it was me or a robber and she thought it quite nice that he would politely wake us up before murdering us. I crack the door and peek in which wakes up mom. Dad is actually up and in the bathroom fluffing his hair. I go into Kim's room and lay down with her in bed and wait for dad to finish primping. It doesn't look like we're getting that 5am start or that ETA of 2.
Eventually I drag myself out of her bed before I get too comfortable and down the stairs to remind dad of the start time (5am). I walk into the kitchen and obnoxiously ask, "What up bitches!" Mom is sipping coffee and dad is having an English muffin. I can't fathom eating right now and settle for a peanut bar to be eaten at a normal breakfast hour. I finally usher dad out of the house and into the moving truck by 6.
And by golly, our ETA somehow remains at 2.
I gather up my morning routine and shove it in my Destinations bag and hit the door at exactly 430am. I'm totally on schedule. I'm so glad I filled up at The Sham last night so it's a straight shot to Greenlawn.
I pass The Sham. It's down six cents since the previous night. Dammit.
The radio actually has some pretty good tunes on at this hour so it's keeping me fresh for the early start dad wants. 5am. ETA 2.
I pull into my parents’ development and drive around to park by the mailbox. I look at the front of the house. It's completely dark. Completely. Dark. Do you hear me? There's no lights on. It's dark. I look at the UHaul hoping to find my father behind the wheel hence the darkness of the house. He’ll be ready to go. He isn't kidding about this 5am business (ETA 2). But he's not behind the wheel and the house is still dark.
"Son of a bitch!"
I roll my bag up the driveway, open the garage door, close the garage door, enter the house, sneak up the stairs, and rap silently on my parents’ bedroom door. It's quiet. Oh yeah, and dark. I stand there with the bright idea that being quiet will wake up dad.
Instead it wakes Kim. A very timid voice asks, "Kate?" Like who else would be in the hallway at this ungodly hour? Kim then admits to me she wasn't sure if it was me or a robber and she thought it quite nice that he would politely wake us up before murdering us. I crack the door and peek in which wakes up mom. Dad is actually up and in the bathroom fluffing his hair. I go into Kim's room and lay down with her in bed and wait for dad to finish primping. It doesn't look like we're getting that 5am start or that ETA of 2.
Eventually I drag myself out of her bed before I get too comfortable and down the stairs to remind dad of the start time (5am). I walk into the kitchen and obnoxiously ask, "What up bitches!" Mom is sipping coffee and dad is having an English muffin. I can't fathom eating right now and settle for a peanut bar to be eaten at a normal breakfast hour. I finally usher dad out of the house and into the moving truck by 6.
And by golly, our ETA somehow remains at 2.