I keep coming back for more
Something very strange happened today. I wanted to get somewhere I have never been. And I got there on the first try.
Okay, so this wasn't a very carefully thought out plan. It was more than spontaneous. It was ridiculous. It was half-baked and I didn't even think of the consequences. I just went for it. I got a hold of some very fine tickets to a concert (I think everyone and their mother knows which one I'm talking about) without getting a definite person to fill the other seat. I had to have these tickets even though the concert was in less than 24 hours. Sure I saw it already but these tickets were different than all the rest. Different than the nose bleed with Carolynn and Christine. Different than the seats in New Jersey for a PA show. Different than the eye boink in row R during Christmas. Different than the bleachers with Maeve. They were actually near the stage. My God. This was the closest I would ever be. Ever want to be. This could end it for me. I needed to be there.
Jeanette volunteered to go (after much begging) and we began our voyage to Atlantic City. This girl is such a pisser that the car ride went by in a blur. "You realize we're going to be in the car longer than we'll be at the concert?" And she was fine with it because Jeanette can turn anything into a bunch of laughs. Especially when she belted out Bohemian Rhapsody.
When we arrived at the Borgata, my sister called to inform me that I was a loser. This is a daily thing with her. She asked me what I was thinking doing this? I couldn't give her an answer since I was not exactly sure what propelled me to drive two and a half hours down there. "You know you have to drive back home when the concert’s over, right?" I paused. I forgot to think about that part. I was so preoccupied about the drive there and the concert itself that I didn't stop and think that I would have a three and a half hour car ride home at 11 pm. Oops.
So we went inside and decided to eat. We got on line at this one place then I became indecisive. We walked to another place and got on line there and Jeanette decided we should go to another place. Then we sat in there and decided to go back to the original eatery. We passed the same people like five times. Or maybe we didn't, I'm not sure. There were way too many people wearing the same exact Clay Aiken shirt. I finally read one of them. They were from the OFC, which in normal people terms means Official Fan Club. I am proud to say I am not a member.
We then did some gambling after dinner and Jeanette won a little over twenty bucks. I lost 40. But I had fun losing it! Last time she was at this casino she won $200 which is pretty darn good for slot machines. Too bad we didn't have that luck this time. We then realized we had over an hour to kill before the concert because I didn't bother looking at the time on the tickets and guessed it was at seven. It was at eight so I definitely could grab another drink and still be able to pee (therefore not causing a reoccurrence of the last time). I also made sure to clean out my nose too before going in. I have to say, I was fluid free this concert! Go me!
I won't bore you with the details since I did that last month and it was exactly the same, only this time he had verbal diarrhea which was fine...if I didn't have to be up at six in the morning. Instead of a two hour and some small change concert, he upped it to three hours. When he was halfway through the 70's, I started to agree with Maeve: This was definitely the longest concert ever.
If you think it's hard enough to sit through a Clay Aiken concert to begin with, try doing it while sitting next to Jeanette, especially during the "quiet" songs. She made me laugh way too loud at some points but it was that damn I Can't Make You Love Me that did me in. Apparently, this happens to be the new favorite to Claymates. They all "thud" or melt when he sings this. I really don't understand because honestly...Clay's rendition?...sucks. But whatever. I sit through it only to get to the next part of the concert. But you have your woo-ers in the back, that felt it necessary to woo on the down beats. This never bothered me, seeing how this is a concert and you're supposed to show your appreciation. Plus he's got ear pieces in. He can't hear them. They're not messing him up. But some people get annoyed and Jeanette was completely shocked when the woo-ers got shushed. The look on her face made me shake. I knew I needed to keep my mouth closed or else I was going to burst out laughing. And I was close enough that he would not only hear me, but see me too. Jeanette bit her hand and I followed her lead. We were not going to get through this song. The more shushing we heard, the more we laughed. These people were crazy. We couldn’t look at each other because the giggles were getting worse. I even heard a woman behind us laugh about us losing it. The two of us were on our way to getting smothered by one of the "boards" sitting to our left. I had to do it. I wasn’t satisfied with the giggles. I gently caressed Jeanette's leg and she hit me hard, and I started to laugh out loud. I slunk low in my chair and covered my face. The song finally ended and everyone stood up but us. Jeanette loudly started shushing everyone around us. Classic Jeanette.
She told me she enjoyed the concert, that she thought Clay was funny and was surprised he got so involved with the audience and was even a little bit mean. But what she didn't enjoy, was the very smelly obese woman that was oozing into her seat. Since we had floor seats, I unhooked ours and moved towards the aisle. By the time the concert ended, I was basically sitting in the next section over. I felt so bad that Jeanette had to be subjected to this BBO. And the worst part about floor seats is that you are constantly getting up and sitting down so her odor kept wafting by. I was so scared that someone might think it was one of us. Jeanette kept smelling herself because she thought the odor was seeping into her clothes. I told her to take out her body spray and use it and "accidentally" get some on this woman. But you know what? She probably would have just smelled like rose-covered BO. I'm sure the lady was very nice, I even saw her talking with other "boards" and I wouldn't be surprised if I myself had spoken to her before (I mean no! I don't go on boards...) but man...shower. That's all.
But let's just focus here. I was about thirty feet from Clay Aiken. Clay. Aiken. Thirty feet. I could see him so clearly that it just felt weird. I can't explain it, it just felt odd. I was so close I could see the vein in his neck popping out when he sang. I didn't know that happened. Jeanette noticed the way he moved his throat in order to achieve certain affects. And those feet! My God they are so big! I have no idea how he even walks with those things. But being this close I was able to answer my own questions I had about Mr. Aiken. He does in fact sweat but only the slightest at his hairline. That's it. Still kinda unnatural. But I stand corrected on the biggest mystery...
Waldo is no figment.
And now…I’m done.
Okay, so this wasn't a very carefully thought out plan. It was more than spontaneous. It was ridiculous. It was half-baked and I didn't even think of the consequences. I just went for it. I got a hold of some very fine tickets to a concert (I think everyone and their mother knows which one I'm talking about) without getting a definite person to fill the other seat. I had to have these tickets even though the concert was in less than 24 hours. Sure I saw it already but these tickets were different than all the rest. Different than the nose bleed with Carolynn and Christine. Different than the seats in New Jersey for a PA show. Different than the eye boink in row R during Christmas. Different than the bleachers with Maeve. They were actually near the stage. My God. This was the closest I would ever be. Ever want to be. This could end it for me. I needed to be there.
Jeanette volunteered to go (after much begging) and we began our voyage to Atlantic City. This girl is such a pisser that the car ride went by in a blur. "You realize we're going to be in the car longer than we'll be at the concert?" And she was fine with it because Jeanette can turn anything into a bunch of laughs. Especially when she belted out Bohemian Rhapsody.
When we arrived at the Borgata, my sister called to inform me that I was a loser. This is a daily thing with her. She asked me what I was thinking doing this? I couldn't give her an answer since I was not exactly sure what propelled me to drive two and a half hours down there. "You know you have to drive back home when the concert’s over, right?" I paused. I forgot to think about that part. I was so preoccupied about the drive there and the concert itself that I didn't stop and think that I would have a three and a half hour car ride home at 11 pm. Oops.
So we went inside and decided to eat. We got on line at this one place then I became indecisive. We walked to another place and got on line there and Jeanette decided we should go to another place. Then we sat in there and decided to go back to the original eatery. We passed the same people like five times. Or maybe we didn't, I'm not sure. There were way too many people wearing the same exact Clay Aiken shirt. I finally read one of them. They were from the OFC, which in normal people terms means Official Fan Club. I am proud to say I am not a member.
We then did some gambling after dinner and Jeanette won a little over twenty bucks. I lost 40. But I had fun losing it! Last time she was at this casino she won $200 which is pretty darn good for slot machines. Too bad we didn't have that luck this time. We then realized we had over an hour to kill before the concert because I didn't bother looking at the time on the tickets and guessed it was at seven. It was at eight so I definitely could grab another drink and still be able to pee (therefore not causing a reoccurrence of the last time). I also made sure to clean out my nose too before going in. I have to say, I was fluid free this concert! Go me!
I won't bore you with the details since I did that last month and it was exactly the same, only this time he had verbal diarrhea which was fine...if I didn't have to be up at six in the morning. Instead of a two hour and some small change concert, he upped it to three hours. When he was halfway through the 70's, I started to agree with Maeve: This was definitely the longest concert ever.
If you think it's hard enough to sit through a Clay Aiken concert to begin with, try doing it while sitting next to Jeanette, especially during the "quiet" songs. She made me laugh way too loud at some points but it was that damn I Can't Make You Love Me that did me in. Apparently, this happens to be the new favorite to Claymates. They all "thud" or melt when he sings this. I really don't understand because honestly...Clay's rendition?...sucks. But whatever. I sit through it only to get to the next part of the concert. But you have your woo-ers in the back, that felt it necessary to woo on the down beats. This never bothered me, seeing how this is a concert and you're supposed to show your appreciation. Plus he's got ear pieces in. He can't hear them. They're not messing him up. But some people get annoyed and Jeanette was completely shocked when the woo-ers got shushed. The look on her face made me shake. I knew I needed to keep my mouth closed or else I was going to burst out laughing. And I was close enough that he would not only hear me, but see me too. Jeanette bit her hand and I followed her lead. We were not going to get through this song. The more shushing we heard, the more we laughed. These people were crazy. We couldn’t look at each other because the giggles were getting worse. I even heard a woman behind us laugh about us losing it. The two of us were on our way to getting smothered by one of the "boards" sitting to our left. I had to do it. I wasn’t satisfied with the giggles. I gently caressed Jeanette's leg and she hit me hard, and I started to laugh out loud. I slunk low in my chair and covered my face. The song finally ended and everyone stood up but us. Jeanette loudly started shushing everyone around us. Classic Jeanette.
She told me she enjoyed the concert, that she thought Clay was funny and was surprised he got so involved with the audience and was even a little bit mean. But what she didn't enjoy, was the very smelly obese woman that was oozing into her seat. Since we had floor seats, I unhooked ours and moved towards the aisle. By the time the concert ended, I was basically sitting in the next section over. I felt so bad that Jeanette had to be subjected to this BBO. And the worst part about floor seats is that you are constantly getting up and sitting down so her odor kept wafting by. I was so scared that someone might think it was one of us. Jeanette kept smelling herself because she thought the odor was seeping into her clothes. I told her to take out her body spray and use it and "accidentally" get some on this woman. But you know what? She probably would have just smelled like rose-covered BO. I'm sure the lady was very nice, I even saw her talking with other "boards" and I wouldn't be surprised if I myself had spoken to her before (I mean no! I don't go on boards...) but man...shower. That's all.
But let's just focus here. I was about thirty feet from Clay Aiken. Clay. Aiken. Thirty feet. I could see him so clearly that it just felt weird. I can't explain it, it just felt odd. I was so close I could see the vein in his neck popping out when he sang. I didn't know that happened. Jeanette noticed the way he moved his throat in order to achieve certain affects. And those feet! My God they are so big! I have no idea how he even walks with those things. But being this close I was able to answer my own questions I had about Mr. Aiken. He does in fact sweat but only the slightest at his hairline. That's it. Still kinda unnatural. But I stand corrected on the biggest mystery...
Waldo is no figment.
And now…I’m done.