Sad Day for Kim
We heard the rumors last week.
Then the Big Show confirmed it for us this week. Patty reported it during the faithful "Road Runner Update" a few days ago.
Beep beep. Britney Spears is naming her child, Preston. And Kim is now fuming.
I don't blame her. You pick out a name and then all of a sudden, that name becomes popular or some dumb celebrity blesses their child, that they are going to neglect, with it and it irritates the shit out of you. Celebrities irritate the shit out of me to begin with but when they name innocent babies things like Apple or Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q, they deserve to be kicked. The celebrities, not the babies. I'm not exactly sure why stars think they have this right to name a child after a planet, but they do. Of course, they never really feel the damage their idiot parents have bestowed upon them because they don't go to real schools so they never meet other kids. They just grow up with fifteen different mental disorders and start taking drugs at the age of seven (which also happens to be the name of Eryka Badu's child. Way to rip off Seinfeld).
But for Britney to name her kid a very waspy name is just re-goddamn-diculous. She should be naming him something like Billy Bob or Jeb. There is absolutely no need for her to give him a nice name. The kid is going to grow up and be a dirtbag just like his father. He's not going to suddenly have class, attend Harvard law school and marry Buffy Covington. It's just not going to happen. What exactly will she do with this Preston, huh? Will she dress him up in Oxford button-downs and sweater vests with pressed khakis as she struts down the street in Juicy pants that expose her thong with a trucker hat? Come on now. This kid is doomed no matter what. He's going to be ten years old and decide to take his pimped up Cadillac go-cart and leave the south forever to go live in Cambridge, MA.
Now here comes my sister, in her Manolo Blahnik pumps, carrying a Louis Vuitton spring bag with a Coach scarf draped around her neck, toting along her little Preston down the street in Bronxville. This makes sense. A Preston in Shantytown, Louisiana? I don't think so.
But what I find funny is that Kim sends out a mass email to her friends and co-workers claiming she came up with the name first. Like this is going to help stop Spears from naming this child, Preston. But of course, her friend, Sam, responds to everyone on the list right away about her copying Britney.
Kim, no matter what you do at this point, no one will believe you. You'll be pushing him in a swing one day and another mother will come up to you in the park with her little boy, Michael, and be like, "Oooooohhh, what's this little guy's name?" And you'll smile all proud and answer, "Preston." And her smile will fade a little as she says, "Oh how nice. Like Britney Spear's kid." I know you love the name but it's killing me to know this could happen! I feel awful for you, I really do, even though I laughed when I heard the news, but I seriously feel bad. Celebrities suck. Do you know how many times I have heard mothers call out "Chandler!" to several five year-olds? UGH! Give me a break! It's sickening! Hollywood is sickening! It must be stopped!
I think it's about time that you look for a new baby name. I think John may be a great choice for Baby Lombardo.
Beep beep.
Then the Big Show confirmed it for us this week. Patty reported it during the faithful "Road Runner Update" a few days ago.
Beep beep. Britney Spears is naming her child, Preston. And Kim is now fuming.
I don't blame her. You pick out a name and then all of a sudden, that name becomes popular or some dumb celebrity blesses their child, that they are going to neglect, with it and it irritates the shit out of you. Celebrities irritate the shit out of me to begin with but when they name innocent babies things like Apple or Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q, they deserve to be kicked. The celebrities, not the babies. I'm not exactly sure why stars think they have this right to name a child after a planet, but they do. Of course, they never really feel the damage their idiot parents have bestowed upon them because they don't go to real schools so they never meet other kids. They just grow up with fifteen different mental disorders and start taking drugs at the age of seven (which also happens to be the name of Eryka Badu's child. Way to rip off Seinfeld).
But for Britney to name her kid a very waspy name is just re-goddamn-diculous. She should be naming him something like Billy Bob or Jeb. There is absolutely no need for her to give him a nice name. The kid is going to grow up and be a dirtbag just like his father. He's not going to suddenly have class, attend Harvard law school and marry Buffy Covington. It's just not going to happen. What exactly will she do with this Preston, huh? Will she dress him up in Oxford button-downs and sweater vests with pressed khakis as she struts down the street in Juicy pants that expose her thong with a trucker hat? Come on now. This kid is doomed no matter what. He's going to be ten years old and decide to take his pimped up Cadillac go-cart and leave the south forever to go live in Cambridge, MA.
Now here comes my sister, in her Manolo Blahnik pumps, carrying a Louis Vuitton spring bag with a Coach scarf draped around her neck, toting along her little Preston down the street in Bronxville. This makes sense. A Preston in Shantytown, Louisiana? I don't think so.
But what I find funny is that Kim sends out a mass email to her friends and co-workers claiming she came up with the name first. Like this is going to help stop Spears from naming this child, Preston. But of course, her friend, Sam, responds to everyone on the list right away about her copying Britney.
Kim, no matter what you do at this point, no one will believe you. You'll be pushing him in a swing one day and another mother will come up to you in the park with her little boy, Michael, and be like, "Oooooohhh, what's this little guy's name?" And you'll smile all proud and answer, "Preston." And her smile will fade a little as she says, "Oh how nice. Like Britney Spear's kid." I know you love the name but it's killing me to know this could happen! I feel awful for you, I really do, even though I laughed when I heard the news, but I seriously feel bad. Celebrities suck. Do you know how many times I have heard mothers call out "Chandler!" to several five year-olds? UGH! Give me a break! It's sickening! Hollywood is sickening! It must be stopped!
I think it's about time that you look for a new baby name. I think John may be a great choice for Baby Lombardo.
Beep beep.