THE decision
Today was my last real day of school. I have four days of finals left and then I'm off for summer. Everyone thinks that this year has gone by so quickly, but my experience was different. Let me explain my story.
When it came time to decide what high school to go to, my parents strongly felt that I should go to Milken. I wasn't opposed to the idea. Why I would be willing to leave all my friends (except maya) and start a completely different route is beyond me. But the fact that I was leaving all my friends didn't completely occur to me until the first day of ninth grade. I felt lonely and nervous and by the time I got to my last class of the day, I felt like crying. I felt like I had made the biggest mistake. All I wanted to do was go to samo.
The first few weeks I would come home from school and look at old pictures of friends or watch old videos I made with them. I would spend hours complaining and wishing I was at samo. This attitude continued for a few more months. I was pretty miserable until about winter break and I had already decided that no matter what, I would be going to samo second semester. I didn't even think I could handle a year at Milken.
The end of the semester came and I figured it would be easier to just wait until the end of the year, and then I would go to samo in tenth grade. Things were starting to get better.
And things continued to get better. Even though I wouldn't admit it to myself, I even started to like the school. But I had forced myself to decide I was going to samo in tenth grade.
Further into the year everything was going good and I spent little time thinking about what school to go to in tenth grade. But then the decision was brought to me again. "What school do you want to go to in tenth grade?" If it was earlier on in the year, my immediate decion would be samo. But things were going good and I was used to Milken.
We had originally been told that the check for Milken was due on April 17th. But I got the deadline extended, and extened again, and again, and again. But finally we were told, "May 31st is the final day you can turn in the check." For weeks before yesterday, this was a huge thing on my mind. I tried everything to help me make a decision. I made pros and cons lists for both of the schools (which came out to be even), I talked to many people to help me decide, I flipped a coin (lol matt), but I just couldn't decide. I had two good decisions in front of me, and it was hard to decide.
So then yesterday we got the deadline extended again, until today. Today was a bad day. Since I start finals tomorrow, I've been so stressed about that. At lunch I checked my grade in math to find out that my grade was lowered from an A- to a B+ because I got a 56% on my last math test. Yeah, that was annoying because I maintained an A- through most of the year and four days before school was over my grade lowered half a grade. Also, I've never done that bad on a test ever before. But the main reason why my day was bad was because it was the day the decision had to be made.
For a very indecisive person, this was a very hard dcision to make. Was I going to stay with the certainty that Milken is a pretty good school and always wonder what I'm missing at samo, or was I going to take the risk by going to samo and knowing I can't switch back to Milken? A few days ago I told my parents I didn't care what school I went to next year and told them to decide for me. They decided Milken, but that conclusion scared me. So I was still faced with making my own decision. And my decision was made the last minute before I had to turn the check for Milken in today. And my decision was Milken. Three reasons why: this was where my parents prefered, I was used to things, and I can always leave later on. If I went to samo I would be stuck there because it looks very bad for colleges if you switch schools more than once. They think you're going to do the same when you get to college.
Am I happy about my decision? No. Would I be happy if I decided to go to samo? No. For two good choices, two bad possible decisions came. I wish I could be two places at once and experience both schools, but sadly I can't. I wish I could spend a day at samo going to all the classes to see what it feels like, but sadly I can't do that either.
So my forced decision was made, and now hopefully I can move on. But I know thats not going to happen. I'm always going to wonder what samo will be like and am always going to wonder what I'm missing out on, but for now I must move on. Who knows what will happen in eleventh grade.
I'm happy if my decision pleased you, and im sorry if it didn't. I love you all so much. At samo and milken. [edit: and hamilton robyn and everywhere else lol] And this doesn't mean that I'm losing touch with all of you Samoers! I'm actually going to make more of a point to see all of you more often, whether you like it or not!
<3 melinda