Secret Round Robin Results!-the fic!
Here is the story that was produced over the last three days. ^_^ It's odd and meandering, and doesn't always make a hell of a lot of sense, but it's also incredibly enjoyable to read.
If the authors want to take the story and repost in your journal or anywhere else, go ahead. It's much more your story than mine, so do with it what you will. ^_^ I may also descreen the comments in the other post if you want to see who wrote what.
Title: (none at the moment)
Authors: blackstray, asuka14, and mizzmeow, with a brief cameo from marcuswolf828 and myself.
Characters: Greg, Jeff, Chip, Raymond Tentaceles (the tentacle monster), Rodney (the dust bunny)
Summary: Greg and Jeff run into some strange happenings-and just a little bit of danger-when they ride the midnight train.
A/N: If, for some reason, you've completely missed this whole secret round robin thing and have no idea what's going on, the story you're about to read was produced through methods detailed here.
The air in the train smelled like vomit. Jeff was smiling up at Greg goofily, producing a wadded ball of tissues and lint balls from his pocket and offering it to him. Greg raised a curious eyebrow, watching as a couple balls of lint fell to the floor beneath of them.
"I don't suppose lint counts as legal tender in any country." Greg ventured.
“Clearly you’ve never been to the Dust Bunny Kingdom.” Jeff replied with a grin. “It’s full of tiny bunny men who use that as their only form of currency.” Jeff believed that the tiny bunny men were adorable, and he planned to snatch one just as soon as Greg wasn't looking.
Some time later that night, as Greg was heading out onto the balcony for his last cigarette of the evening, Jeff fashioned a net from some old pantyhose and a coffee filter. He'd need to stop by the store at one point for some carrots, but that could be arranged.
"Fuck the carrots!" Greg shouted suddenly. "What I need is some taquitos!"
"Dear Lord Greg, keep it down!" Jeff said nearly jumping out of his skin.
Greg cackled, pressing his face to the back of Jeff's neck and breathing him in deeply. "Sorry I startled you," he purred against Jeff's skin. "Sometimes I get hungry, though, and I certainly wouldn't mind taking a bite out of YOU."
"I have to warn you though, I'm full of spiders." He replied with a smile.
"Wha... Why would you even say something like that?!"
"I heard a story once where this woman got bitten and the next day all these spiders hatched out of the bite." Jeff paused and gave Greg a look. "That's totally from a book of scary stories. I had it when I was a kid."
Chip frowned, narrowing his eyes at Jeff's pet bunny man.
"You had what when you were a kid?" He asked curiously.
Jeff's pet bunny man--Rodney--just smirked and replied, "It, Chip. I had it."
Rodney had never realized before today that having "it" could be so wonderful. "It" made him feel like he was twice the size of the tiniest of tiny men and three time as strong as the tiniest of the tiny women.
"It's as amazing as the feeling of a freshly shorn leg!" Rodney shouted to the heavens in his glee; his bunny ears sticking straight out in excitement giving him a good inch or so on his miniature frame.
Chip couldn't help but frown at Rodney, his forehead beading with sweat. "Wait--are we still talking about the same thing, Rodney?"
"I thought so," he answered, perplexed, his ears gradually coming back down again. "We are discussing Jeff's cock, right?"
"It's always cocks with you guys." Jeff said in a huff. "I have so much more to offer!"
"Beyond a great impression of Keanu Reeves...?"
"Hey!" Jeff replied, put out. "I always thought I'd do swimmingly in the Russian Ballet!"
"The Russian Water Ballet, maybe." Greg couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped him then. He should have known better, because Jeff put on his best drama queen face, and stomped off toward the dining car.
Greg made a slight face at Jeff's retreating figure. "Well, then," he murmured, glancing back over at Rodney and Chip, "I didn't know tapioca offended him that much."
Chip smirked a bit. "Neither did I," he said, chuckling.
"Let's change the subject." Greg said with a smirk. "This is getting too hot and heavy for me."
"What are you talking about?" Jeff asked. "We're just making conversation."
"All I'm saying," Greg replied, "is that I'd like some of what you're smoking."
Jeff smiled coyly, watching him through thick lashes. "What do I get from you, if I share my goodies?" Greg's answering smile told Jeff all he wanted to know.
The macaroni smelled delicious, and Jeff soon found himself wholeheartedly mirroring Greg's smile, his own stretching from ear to ear. He shook his head, chuckling, and put Rodney back inside his cage.
"All right, Proops," he said, "gimme a bowl."
"Are we making a salad?" Rodney asked.
"I don't think so." Chip said.
"Thank god. I think I'm allergic to cucumbers." Jeff sighed in relief.
"Why do you think you're allergic to cucumbers?" Greg asked curiously, lowering the basket of cucumbers back down to the table. Jeff shrugged and took a big bite out of his red delicious apple.
"Ate one once, broke out in hives." He answered a bit too nonchalantly.
"Oh that's nothing." Rodney said. "I'm allergic to dust."
"So? Everyone's a little allergic to dust." Greg said in confusion.
"Yes, that's fine for you but I'm a tiny man of the Dust Bunny Kingdom. " Rodney said, clearly distressed.
Jeff scoffed indignantly. "Are you insinuating that I don't understand, Rodney?"
"No, I know you understand," Rodney replied earnestly. "I just don't--We don't talk the way we used to, Jeff."
"Well, no one really talks in Esperanto anymore." Jeff replied. "It's just not the style of the times."
"That's true." Greg said. "Now everyone talks that Internet speak."
"The English language is going down the shitter." Jeff said, nodding sagely. "I blame society."
"You would blame society," Rodney snorted, reaching for yet another carrot. Jeff had since lost count, but he was pretty damn sure he'd eaten more than half the bag in one sitting alone.
"You sound defensive," Jeff pointed out, frowning.
"You saying I sound defensive make you sound defensive!" He returned.
"Hey guys, come on now, let's not fight." Here now was the calm voice of reason. "Let's make arts and crafts!"
"What, like a Popsicle house?"
"A Popsicle house?"
"Yeah, you know, a house you build with Popsicle sticks."
"Why would you want to build a house out of Popsicle sticks?"
"Because," Rodney said, smiling a little mischievously, "think of all the money you'd save. Popsicles are a Hell of a lot cheaper than regular wood. And, what's more, your house would always smell fruity!"
"You say that like it's a good thing."
"He's got a point." Jeff said, nodding sagely. "What about ants?"
"Ants are no match for the might of the Dust Bunny Kingdom's army of the tiniest men!" Rodney declared
Chip gaped at Rodney, settling down the head of lettuce he'd been washing. "You mean..." He trailed off, his mouth hanging open in a perfect O.
Rodney just grinned, the thing maniacal and just a bit dangerous, trailing one of his paws along the cool metal of the machete's blade.
"Those things are great for weed whacking." Chip said little nervous.
"Can't we do something more interesting than licking knives?" Jeff asked, starring listlessly at the wall.
"Who's up for a game of Strip Poker?" Greg asked, pulling out a deck of cards.
"I am amused," Rodney chuckled gleefully, placing the machete back down atop the table, "that I just attempted to slaughter your boyfriend in cold blood, and you're in the mood to play cards, Greg."
Greg shrugged, grinning. "All's fair in love and war."
"And close only counts in horseshoes and handgranades." Chip said, stripping down to his boxers for the hell of it.
"That reminds me. We should go for a swim after this." Greg said.
"No way. I'm not swimming with you again until you get that rash checked out." Jeff said as he eyed Greg up and down.
Greg sighed exasperatingly, glaring at Jeff. "You're not?"
Jeff shook his head. "Hell, no."
Greg scoffed and unceremoniously shoved him into the pool regardless.
A horrible sea monster had taken up residence in the pool; unbeknownst to the boys.
When it noticed Jeff sinking into the water its red eyes glowed with a terrible delight.
Before Jeff had a chance to resurface, an army of tentacles shot through the water and dragged him down to face the creature.
The tentacles were slimy and smelled weird, though Jeff--far too distracted by the sheer amount of them--could not place the exact odor. Reminiscent of car exhaust and rotten eggs, he had to fight off the overwhelming urge to vomit as he was dragged even deeper into the murky water; the oxygen quickly diminishing from his lungs, leaving him in an increasingly panicked state.
Oblivious to Jeff's turmoil, above him on land, Rodney, Chip and Greg laughed as they fired up the grill.
"Shazbot!" Jeff cursed to himself as he wriggled one hand free, "Looks like I'm on my own here."
He reached underneath his shirt to his hidden replica 1960's Batman belt and pulled out a canister of Sea Monster Repellent.
He unleashed his spray and the tentacles loosened, retreating for now.
The creature cried out in a mixture of pain and surprise, momentarily backing off. Its black eyes bore into Jeff as he struggled to reach the surface, kicking his feet as fast as he was able, what little oxygen that remained in his lungs dwindling by the second.
Out of nowhere, a school of clown fish appeared, causing Jeff to jolt to a sudden stop.
"So...pretty..."Jeff thought, mesmerized.
Reality came crushing through as oxygen deprivation caused Jeff to black out.
Unconscious, Jeff once more sank into the depths and the tentacles returned, reaching for him again with renewed vigor.
Just as Greg was finishing molding the hamburger into patties, the train came to an abrupt stop. He cursed under his breath, a couple of patties falling from his hands to the ground below, the cigarette he'd had precariously balanced between his lips nearly burning his chin.
Greg blinked, looking around. "What the fuck just happened?"
"Dude. When was the last time someone cleaned this pool? You cant even see the bottom!"
Just then Jeff burst though the water carried by the tentacle monster who pulled him on to the dry land and performed tentacle-style CPR to revive him.
Coughing up the water, Jeff looked up at his shell shocked friends and said, "I want you all to meet my new best friend- Tentaceles."
Chip, Rodney and Greg all stared, their mouths hanging open, their eyes wide as saucers. Jeff simply smiled, ran a hand through his drenched hair and then took a deep breath of precious air, relishing in the way it inflated his abused lungs.
"Actually," Tentaceles said, causing four heads to turn his way, "it's Raymond Tentaceles. But, please," he smiled, "call me Ray."
"Well, any friend of Jeff's is a friend of ours... I think..." Greg said, shaking hands with a tentacle.
"That's right," said Chip, taking it all in stride.
"So, Ray," Rodney asked. "What do you do for a living?"
"I sell electric cheese graters," Ray smiled, producing one from the bag under his seat. Rodney scratched his chin, and tried to think of another subject to discuss. Why did he always end up sitting next to the weirdos?
"I'm a professional improv comedian." Chip said.
"I'm a tiny Dust Bunny man." Rodney said.
"I'm drowning in a sea of what the fuck." Greg said, shaking his head in amusement.
"Do you think we've landed in an episode of the Twilight Zone?" Jeff whispered, inching closer to Greg.
"I was thinking we had landed on another planet," Greg said, rubbing his forehead. "Wherever the hell we are, I hope we hit a reality checkpoint soon."
"Don't be such a downer. Look, I found a cloning machine over here!" Jeff said overjoyed. "Anyone got a quarter?"
"Sure, lots." Tentaceles said. "People are always throwing quarters in the water."
"No wait!" Greg said, but it was too late- they were already standing hip deep in Jeff clones.
"Greg!" Jeff called from the other side of the room, plastered back against the far wall of the train. The Jeff Clones were increasing by the second and, in the back of his mind, Jeff vaguely felt as though he were drowning once more. "Greg! Are you all right?"
Greg growled, shoving a couple of clones away from his crotch, catching sight of Raymond and Rodney as they too attempted to escape and nodded, albeit a tad bit forcefully. "Peachy! I've always wanted you so near my crotch, Jeff!"
"If you'd just told me that in the first place, we could have avoided all of this... fun!"
"Well, I did try, but all of this clone shit started to happen." Greg grabbed Jeff's arm, pulling him to his feet, and they dodged and twisted around the clones.
"I told you I'd be good at Russian Ballet!" Jeff said with a grin as they gracefully extricated themselves.
"Dear lord, I think we've lost Chip!" Tentaceles exclaimed, tentacle to his forehead.
"Well, Chip's in a better place now." Rodney said with a shrug. "We'd better run for it if we don't want to end up with him under a mountain of Jeff look a likes."
Greg nodded, there was only one Jeff he wanted to be pinned under.
They all scrabbled for the roof of the train, hanging onto the ladder for dear life, then finally gathering on top.
"I don't suppose anyone has any brilliant ideas on how to get the hell off of here without killing ourselves?" Greg yelled over the rattling to be heard.
"I feel like this is all my fault somehow." Tentaceles said with tears in his eleven eyes.
"That's because it is your fault!" Rodney said. "I'm sorry, I don't mean that... It's just all of this is so zany."
"That's something coming from a six inch tall man who works for a dust bunny!" Greg said.
Raymond laughed out loud, shrugging off Greg's glare with the snap of a tentacle. "Height's not everything, Greg."
Greg scoffed indignantly. "No, I didn't mean it that way, Ray. I'm just--"
"Oh shit..." Greg and Raymond both started and snapped their heads in Chip and Rodney's direction. The mischievous school of clown fish from earlier were coming right for them, toothpicks erect.
Just when things looked their darkest, the army of Jeffs surged forward and engaged the clown fish in mortal combat. For each clown fish that fell, a Jeff ate it. For each Jeff that fell, the clown fish swarmed and devoured them, erasing them from existence. At last there was only one clown fish left, and the one true Jeff.
They stared each other down. The clown fish realized his disadvantage and surrendered. Jeff and the others took pity on him and put him in a lovely fish bowl.
"So." Greg said, surveying the damage. "What do we do now?"
"Anyone wanna go have an orgy in the pool?" Tentaceles asked.
The others looked around, slightly disturbed by the idea.
"Hell." Said Rodney after a moment of thought. "Why not?"
"Yeah." Jeff said with a grin. "Why not?"
Off they ran to the pool shedding clothing and inhibitions as they went. There they spent the night in Hellenistic bliss. Oh yes, they also found Chip once all the Jeffs were gone and he joined them too. Good times all around. Hell of a good idea, who ever decided to make a pool and patio car on a midnight train.
If the authors want to take the story and repost in your journal or anywhere else, go ahead. It's much more your story than mine, so do with it what you will. ^_^ I may also descreen the comments in the other post if you want to see who wrote what.
Title: (none at the moment)
Authors: blackstray, asuka14, and mizzmeow, with a brief cameo from marcuswolf828 and myself.
Characters: Greg, Jeff, Chip, Raymond Tentaceles (the tentacle monster), Rodney (the dust bunny)
Summary: Greg and Jeff run into some strange happenings-and just a little bit of danger-when they ride the midnight train.
A/N: If, for some reason, you've completely missed this whole secret round robin thing and have no idea what's going on, the story you're about to read was produced through methods detailed here.
The air in the train smelled like vomit. Jeff was smiling up at Greg goofily, producing a wadded ball of tissues and lint balls from his pocket and offering it to him. Greg raised a curious eyebrow, watching as a couple balls of lint fell to the floor beneath of them.
"I don't suppose lint counts as legal tender in any country." Greg ventured.
“Clearly you’ve never been to the Dust Bunny Kingdom.” Jeff replied with a grin. “It’s full of tiny bunny men who use that as their only form of currency.” Jeff believed that the tiny bunny men were adorable, and he planned to snatch one just as soon as Greg wasn't looking.
Some time later that night, as Greg was heading out onto the balcony for his last cigarette of the evening, Jeff fashioned a net from some old pantyhose and a coffee filter. He'd need to stop by the store at one point for some carrots, but that could be arranged.
"Fuck the carrots!" Greg shouted suddenly. "What I need is some taquitos!"
"Dear Lord Greg, keep it down!" Jeff said nearly jumping out of his skin.
Greg cackled, pressing his face to the back of Jeff's neck and breathing him in deeply. "Sorry I startled you," he purred against Jeff's skin. "Sometimes I get hungry, though, and I certainly wouldn't mind taking a bite out of YOU."
"I have to warn you though, I'm full of spiders." He replied with a smile.
"Wha... Why would you even say something like that?!"
"I heard a story once where this woman got bitten and the next day all these spiders hatched out of the bite." Jeff paused and gave Greg a look. "That's totally from a book of scary stories. I had it when I was a kid."
Chip frowned, narrowing his eyes at Jeff's pet bunny man.
"You had what when you were a kid?" He asked curiously.
Jeff's pet bunny man--Rodney--just smirked and replied, "It, Chip. I had it."
Rodney had never realized before today that having "it" could be so wonderful. "It" made him feel like he was twice the size of the tiniest of tiny men and three time as strong as the tiniest of the tiny women.
"It's as amazing as the feeling of a freshly shorn leg!" Rodney shouted to the heavens in his glee; his bunny ears sticking straight out in excitement giving him a good inch or so on his miniature frame.
Chip couldn't help but frown at Rodney, his forehead beading with sweat. "Wait--are we still talking about the same thing, Rodney?"
"I thought so," he answered, perplexed, his ears gradually coming back down again. "We are discussing Jeff's cock, right?"
"It's always cocks with you guys." Jeff said in a huff. "I have so much more to offer!"
"Beyond a great impression of Keanu Reeves...?"
"Hey!" Jeff replied, put out. "I always thought I'd do swimmingly in the Russian Ballet!"
"The Russian Water Ballet, maybe." Greg couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped him then. He should have known better, because Jeff put on his best drama queen face, and stomped off toward the dining car.
Greg made a slight face at Jeff's retreating figure. "Well, then," he murmured, glancing back over at Rodney and Chip, "I didn't know tapioca offended him that much."
Chip smirked a bit. "Neither did I," he said, chuckling.
"Let's change the subject." Greg said with a smirk. "This is getting too hot and heavy for me."
"What are you talking about?" Jeff asked. "We're just making conversation."
"All I'm saying," Greg replied, "is that I'd like some of what you're smoking."
Jeff smiled coyly, watching him through thick lashes. "What do I get from you, if I share my goodies?" Greg's answering smile told Jeff all he wanted to know.
The macaroni smelled delicious, and Jeff soon found himself wholeheartedly mirroring Greg's smile, his own stretching from ear to ear. He shook his head, chuckling, and put Rodney back inside his cage.
"All right, Proops," he said, "gimme a bowl."
"Are we making a salad?" Rodney asked.
"I don't think so." Chip said.
"Thank god. I think I'm allergic to cucumbers." Jeff sighed in relief.
"Why do you think you're allergic to cucumbers?" Greg asked curiously, lowering the basket of cucumbers back down to the table. Jeff shrugged and took a big bite out of his red delicious apple.
"Ate one once, broke out in hives." He answered a bit too nonchalantly.
"Oh that's nothing." Rodney said. "I'm allergic to dust."
"So? Everyone's a little allergic to dust." Greg said in confusion.
"Yes, that's fine for you but I'm a tiny man of the Dust Bunny Kingdom. " Rodney said, clearly distressed.
Jeff scoffed indignantly. "Are you insinuating that I don't understand, Rodney?"
"No, I know you understand," Rodney replied earnestly. "I just don't--We don't talk the way we used to, Jeff."
"Well, no one really talks in Esperanto anymore." Jeff replied. "It's just not the style of the times."
"That's true." Greg said. "Now everyone talks that Internet speak."
"The English language is going down the shitter." Jeff said, nodding sagely. "I blame society."
"You would blame society," Rodney snorted, reaching for yet another carrot. Jeff had since lost count, but he was pretty damn sure he'd eaten more than half the bag in one sitting alone.
"You sound defensive," Jeff pointed out, frowning.
"You saying I sound defensive make you sound defensive!" He returned.
"Hey guys, come on now, let's not fight." Here now was the calm voice of reason. "Let's make arts and crafts!"
"What, like a Popsicle house?"
"A Popsicle house?"
"Yeah, you know, a house you build with Popsicle sticks."
"Why would you want to build a house out of Popsicle sticks?"
"Because," Rodney said, smiling a little mischievously, "think of all the money you'd save. Popsicles are a Hell of a lot cheaper than regular wood. And, what's more, your house would always smell fruity!"
"You say that like it's a good thing."
"He's got a point." Jeff said, nodding sagely. "What about ants?"
"Ants are no match for the might of the Dust Bunny Kingdom's army of the tiniest men!" Rodney declared
Chip gaped at Rodney, settling down the head of lettuce he'd been washing. "You mean..." He trailed off, his mouth hanging open in a perfect O.
Rodney just grinned, the thing maniacal and just a bit dangerous, trailing one of his paws along the cool metal of the machete's blade.
"Those things are great for weed whacking." Chip said little nervous.
"Can't we do something more interesting than licking knives?" Jeff asked, starring listlessly at the wall.
"Who's up for a game of Strip Poker?" Greg asked, pulling out a deck of cards.
"I am amused," Rodney chuckled gleefully, placing the machete back down atop the table, "that I just attempted to slaughter your boyfriend in cold blood, and you're in the mood to play cards, Greg."
Greg shrugged, grinning. "All's fair in love and war."
"And close only counts in horseshoes and handgranades." Chip said, stripping down to his boxers for the hell of it.
"That reminds me. We should go for a swim after this." Greg said.
"No way. I'm not swimming with you again until you get that rash checked out." Jeff said as he eyed Greg up and down.
Greg sighed exasperatingly, glaring at Jeff. "You're not?"
Jeff shook his head. "Hell, no."
Greg scoffed and unceremoniously shoved him into the pool regardless.
A horrible sea monster had taken up residence in the pool; unbeknownst to the boys.
When it noticed Jeff sinking into the water its red eyes glowed with a terrible delight.
Before Jeff had a chance to resurface, an army of tentacles shot through the water and dragged him down to face the creature.
The tentacles were slimy and smelled weird, though Jeff--far too distracted by the sheer amount of them--could not place the exact odor. Reminiscent of car exhaust and rotten eggs, he had to fight off the overwhelming urge to vomit as he was dragged even deeper into the murky water; the oxygen quickly diminishing from his lungs, leaving him in an increasingly panicked state.
Oblivious to Jeff's turmoil, above him on land, Rodney, Chip and Greg laughed as they fired up the grill.
"Shazbot!" Jeff cursed to himself as he wriggled one hand free, "Looks like I'm on my own here."
He reached underneath his shirt to his hidden replica 1960's Batman belt and pulled out a canister of Sea Monster Repellent.
He unleashed his spray and the tentacles loosened, retreating for now.
The creature cried out in a mixture of pain and surprise, momentarily backing off. Its black eyes bore into Jeff as he struggled to reach the surface, kicking his feet as fast as he was able, what little oxygen that remained in his lungs dwindling by the second.
Out of nowhere, a school of clown fish appeared, causing Jeff to jolt to a sudden stop.
"So...pretty..."Jeff thought, mesmerized.
Reality came crushing through as oxygen deprivation caused Jeff to black out.
Unconscious, Jeff once more sank into the depths and the tentacles returned, reaching for him again with renewed vigor.
Just as Greg was finishing molding the hamburger into patties, the train came to an abrupt stop. He cursed under his breath, a couple of patties falling from his hands to the ground below, the cigarette he'd had precariously balanced between his lips nearly burning his chin.
Greg blinked, looking around. "What the fuck just happened?"
"Dude. When was the last time someone cleaned this pool? You cant even see the bottom!"
Just then Jeff burst though the water carried by the tentacle monster who pulled him on to the dry land and performed tentacle-style CPR to revive him.
Coughing up the water, Jeff looked up at his shell shocked friends and said, "I want you all to meet my new best friend- Tentaceles."
Chip, Rodney and Greg all stared, their mouths hanging open, their eyes wide as saucers. Jeff simply smiled, ran a hand through his drenched hair and then took a deep breath of precious air, relishing in the way it inflated his abused lungs.
"Actually," Tentaceles said, causing four heads to turn his way, "it's Raymond Tentaceles. But, please," he smiled, "call me Ray."
"Well, any friend of Jeff's is a friend of ours... I think..." Greg said, shaking hands with a tentacle.
"That's right," said Chip, taking it all in stride.
"So, Ray," Rodney asked. "What do you do for a living?"
"I sell electric cheese graters," Ray smiled, producing one from the bag under his seat. Rodney scratched his chin, and tried to think of another subject to discuss. Why did he always end up sitting next to the weirdos?
"I'm a professional improv comedian." Chip said.
"I'm a tiny Dust Bunny man." Rodney said.
"I'm drowning in a sea of what the fuck." Greg said, shaking his head in amusement.
"Do you think we've landed in an episode of the Twilight Zone?" Jeff whispered, inching closer to Greg.
"I was thinking we had landed on another planet," Greg said, rubbing his forehead. "Wherever the hell we are, I hope we hit a reality checkpoint soon."
"Don't be such a downer. Look, I found a cloning machine over here!" Jeff said overjoyed. "Anyone got a quarter?"
"Sure, lots." Tentaceles said. "People are always throwing quarters in the water."
"No wait!" Greg said, but it was too late- they were already standing hip deep in Jeff clones.
"Greg!" Jeff called from the other side of the room, plastered back against the far wall of the train. The Jeff Clones were increasing by the second and, in the back of his mind, Jeff vaguely felt as though he were drowning once more. "Greg! Are you all right?"
Greg growled, shoving a couple of clones away from his crotch, catching sight of Raymond and Rodney as they too attempted to escape and nodded, albeit a tad bit forcefully. "Peachy! I've always wanted you so near my crotch, Jeff!"
"If you'd just told me that in the first place, we could have avoided all of this... fun!"
"Well, I did try, but all of this clone shit started to happen." Greg grabbed Jeff's arm, pulling him to his feet, and they dodged and twisted around the clones.
"I told you I'd be good at Russian Ballet!" Jeff said with a grin as they gracefully extricated themselves.
"Dear lord, I think we've lost Chip!" Tentaceles exclaimed, tentacle to his forehead.
"Well, Chip's in a better place now." Rodney said with a shrug. "We'd better run for it if we don't want to end up with him under a mountain of Jeff look a likes."
Greg nodded, there was only one Jeff he wanted to be pinned under.
They all scrabbled for the roof of the train, hanging onto the ladder for dear life, then finally gathering on top.
"I don't suppose anyone has any brilliant ideas on how to get the hell off of here without killing ourselves?" Greg yelled over the rattling to be heard.
"I feel like this is all my fault somehow." Tentaceles said with tears in his eleven eyes.
"That's because it is your fault!" Rodney said. "I'm sorry, I don't mean that... It's just all of this is so zany."
"That's something coming from a six inch tall man who works for a dust bunny!" Greg said.
Raymond laughed out loud, shrugging off Greg's glare with the snap of a tentacle. "Height's not everything, Greg."
Greg scoffed indignantly. "No, I didn't mean it that way, Ray. I'm just--"
"Oh shit..." Greg and Raymond both started and snapped their heads in Chip and Rodney's direction. The mischievous school of clown fish from earlier were coming right for them, toothpicks erect.
Just when things looked their darkest, the army of Jeffs surged forward and engaged the clown fish in mortal combat. For each clown fish that fell, a Jeff ate it. For each Jeff that fell, the clown fish swarmed and devoured them, erasing them from existence. At last there was only one clown fish left, and the one true Jeff.
They stared each other down. The clown fish realized his disadvantage and surrendered. Jeff and the others took pity on him and put him in a lovely fish bowl.
"So." Greg said, surveying the damage. "What do we do now?"
"Anyone wanna go have an orgy in the pool?" Tentaceles asked.
The others looked around, slightly disturbed by the idea.
"Hell." Said Rodney after a moment of thought. "Why not?"
"Yeah." Jeff said with a grin. "Why not?"
Off they ran to the pool shedding clothing and inhibitions as they went. There they spent the night in Hellenistic bliss. Oh yes, they also found Chip once all the Jeffs were gone and he joined them too. Good times all around. Hell of a good idea, who ever decided to make a pool and patio car on a midnight train.