I am no longer in control.
I am no longer in control
I am no longer in control
I am no longer in control
maybe if I type that over and over again I'll think of how to say what I want to say.
These past few days have been a mudslide. Just like in December. I'm scared. I can't stop getting to this point where Me and Everything just start tearing my life up. I'm seriously surprised I still make it to work on time. Maybe that's because it's my only ticket out of this volcano.
My apartment is the maelstrom by the way. It's the center/boiling point for all of the depression et cetera.
Steph used to be my escape from the depression [this is how i figured out that my apartment is a Nordic whirlpool of imminent doom] and I thought when she moved in that it would be an always escape. But the apartment, just being in the apartment destroys me. I suppose I've just come to associate these rooms with mental breakdown/panic attack. It also dosen't help that it's always gloomy and that there's a grave yard right outside my window. Seriously the sun NEVER shines into the living areas. It's a phenomenon of gloominess. But it does help to have Steph here.
I have to go to work now, but there will be more to come. I have so much shit I need to type out. Get out of this head. It's not a good sign that it's spilled over from the night into the morning. Usually after I sleep, I can just forget and escape and not think during the day.
It's gonna be a long day.
I am no longer in control
I am no longer in control
maybe if I type that over and over again I'll think of how to say what I want to say.
These past few days have been a mudslide. Just like in December. I'm scared. I can't stop getting to this point where Me and Everything just start tearing my life up. I'm seriously surprised I still make it to work on time. Maybe that's because it's my only ticket out of this volcano.
My apartment is the maelstrom by the way. It's the center/boiling point for all of the depression et cetera.
Steph used to be my escape from the depression [this is how i figured out that my apartment is a Nordic whirlpool of imminent doom] and I thought when she moved in that it would be an always escape. But the apartment, just being in the apartment destroys me. I suppose I've just come to associate these rooms with mental breakdown/panic attack. It also dosen't help that it's always gloomy and that there's a grave yard right outside my window. Seriously the sun NEVER shines into the living areas. It's a phenomenon of gloominess. But it does help to have Steph here.
I have to go to work now, but there will be more to come. I have so much shit I need to type out. Get out of this head. It's not a good sign that it's spilled over from the night into the morning. Usually after I sleep, I can just forget and escape and not think during the day.
It's gonna be a long day.