Ficlet ~ Burn Marks

[clawofcat]

Title: Burn Marks
Author: ClawofCat
Timing: Season 6, Post-Wrecked
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Buffy/Spike
Word Count: 705
Warnings: Violent sex
Summary: A sequel to The Cross. Buffy takes out her tumultuous emotions on Spike with surprising results.

A/N: Written as a follow-up ficlet to my entry for 

Comments

[kudagirl]

I was asking about in your story. I do believe that in canon, Buffy had two moments when she finally saw herself for what she was going through. When Riley showed up at the Doublemeat Palace, she saw her life through his eyes. She wanted to grab onto him and share his life. Then Sam was introduced. It was like a slap in the face to Buffy. The type of life she could have had. She ran to Spike for comfort and begged him to say he loved her. Then when Riley found them together she snapped.

After the demon stabbed her drugging her to think she was back in the mental hospital, she came to terms with herself. She even told Spike she tried to kill her friends and they still loved her. Buffy was craving the love and acceptance of her friends.

Buffy in canon did build her walls after being hurt by her loses with her father, her mother's death, and the failed relationships. She tried to be everything to everyone. Spike was the only one who saw her suffer. He tried to help her, but refused to allow him to be kind and caring. She made their relationship to be something to hide and be ashamed of so she could accept him. She couldn't accept that he really cared because if she did she might be happy with him. She didn't feel she could trust those feelings so she limited them. Sex, yes, but love no. Her friends and watcher made it clear to her that Spike was not going to be accepted by them. Yet he was the only one that never left her. That messed with her mind.

Buffy was lost after coming back from heaven. She only allowed Spike to see her pain for a long time. Her friends were so pleased with themselves she hated to hurt them. Buffy put their feelings ahead of her own. Buffy was like many over achievers who put their own needs last. She was a caretaker who refused to allow anyone to take care of her because it made her feel weak.