Whatever Happened To This Friendship...
It is kinda funny how you’ll sometimes meet somebody who you click with and you’ll have a great little thing going on and feel like they’ll stay in your life for a while (if not forever), and suddenly, you realize that they have little or no respect for you and don’t value what you have. And faster than they came into your life, you are hoping not to have to deal with them again.
When I started working at Starbucks last year, one of the first people I was exposed to was Josh, one of the shift supervisors at my store who happens to be gay. My first impression of him was that he was an annoying coincided guy who thought too highly of himself. He’s not exactly the most welcoming and understanding person, and there is something about his attitude that makes you feel belittled. I guess it was for this reason why I still didn’t quite like him until over six months later. Te truth is though, he didn’t like me either, because I don’t exactly have a submissive personality and I’m not afraid to stand up to people who try to put me down, especially if they are younger than me.
But eventually we started hanging out together, because I began to get closer with Lindsay and they were good friends to each other. After Brent and I broke up in October, the three of us started going out to the clubs at least once a week, and we actually became really close. Until the beginning of December that is, when we had our fallout. Since then I have been feeling angry at him, because I feel like he used me and I felt a lack of disrespect from him towards me.
Well, yesterday I had a little msn argument with him. Even tough things were looking better between us now, I still felt it was necessary we talked about things. Don’t know why I even tried, and it in fact things got worse. I told him he has to stop putting people down in order to make himself feel so cool all the time, and he didn’t quite like that comment. I don’t think he actually realizes how he treats people, and to say the truth, I doubt he ever will. He’s the kind of pretty boy who will never truly understand what it means to be nice to others. The kind who can get away with things because people think he’s so cool and so great and so pretty.
We also got into talking about work, and I told him I wasn’t the only person who feels put down by him. He often thinks that, because he is a supervisor, he has the right to control the staff and be rude. He threatened to get our manager involved if I didn’t say who it was that had talked to me about how they feel about him, but I personally think it is not my responsibility or my right to say any names, because, opposed to him, I am trustworthy and reliable. So I’m not sure if this will blow out of proportion like things generally do at work, but I really don’t care. This was a private talk between him and me, and if he chooses to make a big deal about it at work so be it; he has to become more professional and learn to draw a line between work and his personal life, and if he can’t do that, maybe he shouldn’t form close relationships with the staff he supervises. He also has to realize that being a supervisor at Starbucks doesn’t exactly make him all that great.
Anyways, with that conversation I realized that he really is not interested in any kind of friendship with me. It takes me so long to trust a guy for some reason, that I value my few friendships with males. This is especially true for gay guys, because they seem to be even less reliable than straight men. But anyways, he pretty much told me he’s not interested in my friendship and he made it clear he doesn’t value me whatsoever.
I guess it’s good to finally understand where things are. I had been hoping things would eventually go to the way they were before, to the few months when we were actually good friends. Now I don’t really care for him. I am tired of trying so hard to make or keep relationships with people who aren’t interested in it, and who don’t value or realize the person I really am. I’m not going to waste my time trying to create a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect me and whom I can’t trust at all… having said that, it still hurts to realize my friendship was so worthless to somebody I was actually starting to consider a close friend. I’m definitely dreading closing with him Sunday.
When I started working at Starbucks last year, one of the first people I was exposed to was Josh, one of the shift supervisors at my store who happens to be gay. My first impression of him was that he was an annoying coincided guy who thought too highly of himself. He’s not exactly the most welcoming and understanding person, and there is something about his attitude that makes you feel belittled. I guess it was for this reason why I still didn’t quite like him until over six months later. Te truth is though, he didn’t like me either, because I don’t exactly have a submissive personality and I’m not afraid to stand up to people who try to put me down, especially if they are younger than me.
But eventually we started hanging out together, because I began to get closer with Lindsay and they were good friends to each other. After Brent and I broke up in October, the three of us started going out to the clubs at least once a week, and we actually became really close. Until the beginning of December that is, when we had our fallout. Since then I have been feeling angry at him, because I feel like he used me and I felt a lack of disrespect from him towards me.
Well, yesterday I had a little msn argument with him. Even tough things were looking better between us now, I still felt it was necessary we talked about things. Don’t know why I even tried, and it in fact things got worse. I told him he has to stop putting people down in order to make himself feel so cool all the time, and he didn’t quite like that comment. I don’t think he actually realizes how he treats people, and to say the truth, I doubt he ever will. He’s the kind of pretty boy who will never truly understand what it means to be nice to others. The kind who can get away with things because people think he’s so cool and so great and so pretty.
We also got into talking about work, and I told him I wasn’t the only person who feels put down by him. He often thinks that, because he is a supervisor, he has the right to control the staff and be rude. He threatened to get our manager involved if I didn’t say who it was that had talked to me about how they feel about him, but I personally think it is not my responsibility or my right to say any names, because, opposed to him, I am trustworthy and reliable. So I’m not sure if this will blow out of proportion like things generally do at work, but I really don’t care. This was a private talk between him and me, and if he chooses to make a big deal about it at work so be it; he has to become more professional and learn to draw a line between work and his personal life, and if he can’t do that, maybe he shouldn’t form close relationships with the staff he supervises. He also has to realize that being a supervisor at Starbucks doesn’t exactly make him all that great.
Anyways, with that conversation I realized that he really is not interested in any kind of friendship with me. It takes me so long to trust a guy for some reason, that I value my few friendships with males. This is especially true for gay guys, because they seem to be even less reliable than straight men. But anyways, he pretty much told me he’s not interested in my friendship and he made it clear he doesn’t value me whatsoever.
I guess it’s good to finally understand where things are. I had been hoping things would eventually go to the way they were before, to the few months when we were actually good friends. Now I don’t really care for him. I am tired of trying so hard to make or keep relationships with people who aren’t interested in it, and who don’t value or realize the person I really am. I’m not going to waste my time trying to create a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect me and whom I can’t trust at all… having said that, it still hurts to realize my friendship was so worthless to somebody I was actually starting to consider a close friend. I’m definitely dreading closing with him Sunday.