David LAME?
Dear David Blaine,
I’m not sure who told you that hanging upside down for 50 minutes an hour for 60 hours would be cool, but…yeah. Your stunts are only cool if there’s a chance you might die. Having a full EMT crew checking you every hour is no where near dangerous and, thus, is not cool. Nobody wants to see you do safe things; they flock to have the chance to see you maybe die.
Here are some suggestions for things you could do to earn my (and everyone else’s) respect:
Anyway, David. Can I call you Dave? No? Well fuck you. Just do one of these stunts and I’ll stop giving you shit. I’m still mad that you changed your cell phone number when we tried to drunk dial you, cockface.
Cheers,
Maya
I’m not sure who told you that hanging upside down for 50 minutes an hour for 60 hours would be cool, but…yeah. Your stunts are only cool if there’s a chance you might die. Having a full EMT crew checking you every hour is no where near dangerous and, thus, is not cool. Nobody wants to see you do safe things; they flock to have the chance to see you maybe die.
Here are some suggestions for things you could do to earn my (and everyone else’s) respect:
- Spin around in a man-sized centrifuge for 3 hours, have someone take the top off so you fly out, only to parachute down onto a floating platform ringed in green flames.
- Hang-glide in an electrical storm in a suit of chain mail and the nose-dive into a kiddie pool filled with KY.
- Free fall through the eye of a hurricane and land on a 2’ x 2’ platform covered with chicken grease, then bungee jump down, eat ten pounds of black jelly beans and do a lap around the block.
- Establish a Guinness Book record of how long you can cling to the side of a building in a Spiderman suit while constantly drinking raspberry lemonade before you have to go wee.
Anyway, David. Can I call you Dave? No? Well fuck you. Just do one of these stunts and I’ll stop giving you shit. I’m still mad that you changed your cell phone number when we tried to drunk dial you, cockface.
Cheers,
Maya