Bad beverage choice leaves Brooklyn youth dead
I had a lapse in judgment tonight and bought DASANI plus on the way home because I was thirsty and didn't feel like soda. Poor choice. First off, I hate DASANI with a passion. Secondly, this flavor's theme is "cleanse + restore" - pomegranate blackberry flavor. So what? It's going to give me the shits, but that's okay because this is like Pedialyte and will restore the vital nutrients I lose? I guess it won't really make a difference since all I got to eat today was two eggs, a piece of toast and a couple of heaping scoops Emack & Bolio's. I was upset by my Rice Krispy Treat cone; it was too krispy. I don't even like cones. Why did I buy it? I made Buggeh eat it. I'm not even supposed to be eating ice cream. Especially ice cream that cost me seven bucks. Speaking of ice cream, how come whenever you're out eating an ice cream cone passerbys stare you down like your taunting them with a fistful of gold? It's like, dude, go get your own ice cream and stop breathing on mine. It's right up the street, where I obviously got it from. The worst is when people say things like, "Man, that looks good." What am I supposed to say? "No, it's gross. This was a mistake." Of course it's good. It's real fuckin' good and that's why I'm eating it.
Anyway, DASANI tastes like acid. Don't drink it.
That's all for today. My left eye hurts. And I just learned about mung and am thoroughly disgusted. And don't even look that up. The DASANI is not helping. DASANI plus is like bottled mung juice. The website on the bottle is www.makeyourmouthwater.com. They forgot to add "from the bile slowly creeping up your gullet." The bottle even has a stupid little chart telling you the percentage of vitamins in DASANI plus versus that in regular water. DASANI plus has 10% of several vitamins. Regular water has - guess what - 0%. Well, duh, it's regular fucking water.
Now I can go barf and sell it as DASANI plus extra. Fortified with 95% more vomit than regular tap water.
PS - Since I'm already complaining about things, I may as well complain about men who ask questions like: "Did you like my penis?" My answer is, "No. It was totally lame." It's not like you're going to go out and get a new one so don't fucking ask.
Anyway, DASANI tastes like acid. Don't drink it.
That's all for today. My left eye hurts. And I just learned about mung and am thoroughly disgusted. And don't even look that up. The DASANI is not helping. DASANI plus is like bottled mung juice. The website on the bottle is www.makeyourmouthwater.com. They forgot to add "from the bile slowly creeping up your gullet." The bottle even has a stupid little chart telling you the percentage of vitamins in DASANI plus versus that in regular water. DASANI plus has 10% of several vitamins. Regular water has - guess what - 0%. Well, duh, it's regular fucking water.
Now I can go barf and sell it as DASANI plus extra. Fortified with 95% more vomit than regular tap water.
PS - Since I'm already complaining about things, I may as well complain about men who ask questions like: "Did you like my penis?" My answer is, "No. It was totally lame." It's not like you're going to go out and get a new one so don't fucking ask.