Vroooomm....
This past weekend's survey research trip was another one for NASCAR at the Richmond International Speedway. It wasn't as fun and didn't go as smoothly as my other trip with them went, but it was easier and there were many, many valuable lessons learned.
A) Virginia sucks.
We finished working at around 10.00p or so, at which point when went back to the hotel to shower, change and head out to hit up Richmond's fine dining and nightlife of which, apparently, there is none. No eateries were open except the illustrious Waffle House and good ol' Denny's. I had never been to a Waffle House before and I never will again. It was pretty much the kind of stuff my dad might throw together on a Saturday morning with everything cooked in the grease of everything else and covered in more grease and greasy cheese. At least when my dad makes it, it's free. The menu gave me the option of choosing a side salad or a bowl of greasy chili to go with my greasy chopped meat sandwich. The waiter simply laughed and walked away. I never got my salad. I doubt that Waffle House even has salads. If they do, I bet it's a greasy meat salad with grease dressing. Or maybe they were just too astounded by the sheer number of us colored folks to even think about slicing lettuce.
B) Do not bone hotel neighbor.
In fact, take a few steps back and never even act like you might bone said hotel neighbor. Especially if they live on the same floor as you and especially if they're literally right across the hall. Don't let them teach you how to drive stick and don't try to watch movies with them. Don't let them "mess with" you - the meaning of this I still fail to grasp, although I definitely feel "messed with." In retrospect, I also feel weird that he's somebody's dad, even if that somebody is two. The worst thing after not having slept more than 5 hours in three days is trying to find a way to sneak downstairs for coffee without awkwardly running into the man across the hall by the doughnuts. But then again, he is in the army so maybe he has special subterfuge skills...or something. Maybe he was there but his skinny pale ass blended in with the neutral-toned linoleum decor. Either way, I didn't see him, but it did make for a unpleasant morning before my flight out. Hiding in the lobby behind a plastic plant is not part of the Breakfast of Champions.
C)Not all dudes in the military are meatheads.
The reason I met this dude whom I later wanted to avoid was because he invited me to this wack-ass hotel party in the room across the hall. He and a couple of his buddies in their unit were trying to celebrate this one dude's birthday by having a hotel party, but no one was around because it was Virginia. I was invited and hung out with them, drinking their booze and listening to their army stories while tunes streamed from someone's laptop. I learned a lot about the army, sort of. They were kind of intense and horny though, but I expected that.
I made a new friend called Barry on my trip. He's from Staten Island and while I would normally laugh at this, I respect him because he's a thoroughbred New Yorker and that's way more important to me. He's actually the first stranger I've met in a really long time that I genuinely wanted to hang out with again. He wants to show me this restaurant in Williamsburg since he found out I hang out there a lot. I would message him and say, "Hey! Let's hang out this weekend!" but I don't want that to translate to, "Hey! Do me!" Apparently, I have a lot of trouble expressing the former concept.
I should take some lessons from Ian Crossland, YouTube advice (if it can be called that) guru. I don't have the patience to comprehend 90% of what he's saying (although I might if I were anywhere near as high as he acts) and I'm not sure that such concentration would be worth it. If he were permanently muted, he'd be very attractive in a Jim from The Office way. Here's his vlog entry about his first gay experience in Queens; what he has to say is complete shit, but if you tune him out and focus on how many times he says "sucking my dick," I guess it's kind of hot...?
Unrelated to the above, I googled myself and am completely offended by the results. One of them was this cell phone video game that is just so fucking lame. Like I am really going to be scared of a bloodthirsty guanaco. Fuck bloodthirsty guanacos. What the fuck is a guanaco anyway?
A) Virginia sucks.
We finished working at around 10.00p or so, at which point when went back to the hotel to shower, change and head out to hit up Richmond's fine dining and nightlife of which, apparently, there is none. No eateries were open except the illustrious Waffle House and good ol' Denny's. I had never been to a Waffle House before and I never will again. It was pretty much the kind of stuff my dad might throw together on a Saturday morning with everything cooked in the grease of everything else and covered in more grease and greasy cheese. At least when my dad makes it, it's free. The menu gave me the option of choosing a side salad or a bowl of greasy chili to go with my greasy chopped meat sandwich. The waiter simply laughed and walked away. I never got my salad. I doubt that Waffle House even has salads. If they do, I bet it's a greasy meat salad with grease dressing. Or maybe they were just too astounded by the sheer number of us colored folks to even think about slicing lettuce.
B) Do not bone hotel neighbor.
In fact, take a few steps back and never even act like you might bone said hotel neighbor. Especially if they live on the same floor as you and especially if they're literally right across the hall. Don't let them teach you how to drive stick and don't try to watch movies with them. Don't let them "mess with" you - the meaning of this I still fail to grasp, although I definitely feel "messed with." In retrospect, I also feel weird that he's somebody's dad, even if that somebody is two. The worst thing after not having slept more than 5 hours in three days is trying to find a way to sneak downstairs for coffee without awkwardly running into the man across the hall by the doughnuts. But then again, he is in the army so maybe he has special subterfuge skills...or something. Maybe he was there but his skinny pale ass blended in with the neutral-toned linoleum decor. Either way, I didn't see him, but it did make for a unpleasant morning before my flight out. Hiding in the lobby behind a plastic plant is not part of the Breakfast of Champions.
C)Not all dudes in the military are meatheads.
The reason I met this dude whom I later wanted to avoid was because he invited me to this wack-ass hotel party in the room across the hall. He and a couple of his buddies in their unit were trying to celebrate this one dude's birthday by having a hotel party, but no one was around because it was Virginia. I was invited and hung out with them, drinking their booze and listening to their army stories while tunes streamed from someone's laptop. I learned a lot about the army, sort of. They were kind of intense and horny though, but I expected that.
I made a new friend called Barry on my trip. He's from Staten Island and while I would normally laugh at this, I respect him because he's a thoroughbred New Yorker and that's way more important to me. He's actually the first stranger I've met in a really long time that I genuinely wanted to hang out with again. He wants to show me this restaurant in Williamsburg since he found out I hang out there a lot. I would message him and say, "Hey! Let's hang out this weekend!" but I don't want that to translate to, "Hey! Do me!" Apparently, I have a lot of trouble expressing the former concept.
I should take some lessons from Ian Crossland, YouTube advice (if it can be called that) guru. I don't have the patience to comprehend 90% of what he's saying (although I might if I were anywhere near as high as he acts) and I'm not sure that such concentration would be worth it. If he were permanently muted, he'd be very attractive in a Jim from The Office way. Here's his vlog entry about his first gay experience in Queens; what he has to say is complete shit, but if you tune him out and focus on how many times he says "sucking my dick," I guess it's kind of hot...?
Click to viewUnrelated to the above, I googled myself and am completely offended by the results. One of them was this cell phone video game that is just so fucking lame. Like I am really going to be scared of a bloodthirsty guanaco. Fuck bloodthirsty guanacos. What the fuck is a guanaco anyway?