Hitchhikin'
I've only hitchhiked three maybe four times in my life, once somewhere outside of Philly, another time somewhere in upstate New York (in a truck), once in South Carolina and once in Brooklyn (by accident because I was obscenely drunk and disheveled and didnt realise what I was doing until I was already halfway home). All times I wasnt going very far and I think I was young enough (or uncoordinated enough) not to be seen as a considerable threat. Anyway, I was just thinking about it today... What's wrong with hitchhiking?
Is it a coincidence that the same sign for hitchhiking is the same sign as OK?
Also note well-made sign and pleasant countenance.
I kind of like the idea of hitchhiking. You're going somewhere anyway, wouldnt it be nice to help your fellow human being out and give them a lift? If you and/or your passenger arent murderers or rapists, you can make a new friend. And if you guys are, then you can bond over it and have fun trying to maim each other. If you're that kind of person you can turn the other fellow/lady in for a reward. Or, as I would prefer, you can spend a fairly short amount of time getting to know someone before never, ever seeing them again hopefully. You can try out new lies about you past on them before you try to whip them out at your next dinner party, quinceanera or other tedious social function.
Yes, gas does cost both arms and a leg nowadays, but why get all self-righteous if you were going to be doing pretty much the same thing anyway? It's like when you're washing dishes and someone sidles up and timidly places a tea cup in the sink. How pissed can you really be? If that person happens to only foist over the tea cups whenever its your turn to wash the dishes, then fine -- be annoyed. But if it only happens once in a while, you cant truly be that beset upon. If your car guest doesnt hold a knife/gun/can of weaponised anthrax to your face, you wouldnt necessarily be going elsewhere. Unless you guys become buddies and you want to drop them off right on their nana/ex/parole officer's doorstep. What happened to the free favor?
More importantly, I was thinking about what would have changed to make hitchhiking distinctly not okay in what seems to be a lot of the country. I dont see as many people hitchhiking as I used to and whenever I half-joke about picking up the non-existent hitchhikers, someone else makes a half-joke about them being serial killers. I've hitchhiked and I'm not a serial killer (yet or to my recollection).
This leads me to wonder whether people dont hitch it up as much because a) they are afraid to get rides from strangers who might be serial killers or b) people are afraid to pick up passengers who probably are serial killers. I havent decided which is more scary.
And havent there been so many times when maybe life would have been a little bit easier if you could have gotten a ride? You went biking but had a horrible, horrible fall that resulted in the popping of your front tire. You were so excited about biking all over the place that morning that you went really f'in' far and couldnt walk home and, yay, you've only got 63 cents, an old stick of gum and a membership rewards card for Duane Reade on a keychain in your pocket. You ended up by a pretty busy road in the midafternoon. Wouldnt it be nice to get a ride? Hell, yeah. But, noooo, what if that guy in the '92 Caddy HAS A GUN? Better yet, a big butcher knife he's stolen from his mother's knife rack right next to the brown ceramic hen. The same knife he lovingly sharpened and used to make plain baloney sandwiches to have for lunch with a Coke everday for 25 years while watching I Love Lucy re-runs on the tiny black and white television set before he snapped and used it to skin his momma to make a mom-costume that he keeps in the attic. Maybe you'd rather just walk then.
I'd like to assert that unlike the strung-out crackhead with a boxcutter looking for a few bucks and a ride to the next Denny's, I'm a really great person to have on board as a hitchhiker. I dont even carry my pocket knife anymore. And I have two truly excellent hitchhiker's thumbs that have fallen into disuse. What a useless genetic trait. I bet that in the golden age of hitchhiking I would've gotten so many rides. Maybe even by accident as I was giving directions (which I never do, but that's not the point).
In the future when we have flying cars it will be extra-hard to hitchhike. So we should take advantage of the prime hitchhiking conditions we have now. And if you're really worried maybe you should only hitchhike with the elderly who will be driving slowly enough for you to fling the car door open, tuck and roll your way to safety if they have a cane with a silver eagle's head or something else wicked with which to bludgeon you. If you make a sign, dont add "OR BUST" because I dont know where the hell that is and neither do you. And if you're the one giving the ride, please dont request money, stuff (esp. watches - you know you dont want someone else's sweaty wrist cheese on your timepiece and most hitchhikers arent cruising around with Rollys) or a hand-job (or other sexual rewards and illicit pleasures) in return for a ride. That's just bad form.
Okay, so maybe she isnt really hitchhiking.
Doesnt mean you cant give her a ride.
Is it a coincidence that the same sign for hitchhiking is the same sign as OK?
Also note well-made sign and pleasant countenance.
I kind of like the idea of hitchhiking. You're going somewhere anyway, wouldnt it be nice to help your fellow human being out and give them a lift? If you and/or your passenger arent murderers or rapists, you can make a new friend. And if you guys are, then you can bond over it and have fun trying to maim each other. If you're that kind of person you can turn the other fellow/lady in for a reward. Or, as I would prefer, you can spend a fairly short amount of time getting to know someone before never, ever seeing them again hopefully. You can try out new lies about you past on them before you try to whip them out at your next dinner party, quinceanera or other tedious social function.
Yes, gas does cost both arms and a leg nowadays, but why get all self-righteous if you were going to be doing pretty much the same thing anyway? It's like when you're washing dishes and someone sidles up and timidly places a tea cup in the sink. How pissed can you really be? If that person happens to only foist over the tea cups whenever its your turn to wash the dishes, then fine -- be annoyed. But if it only happens once in a while, you cant truly be that beset upon. If your car guest doesnt hold a knife/gun/can of weaponised anthrax to your face, you wouldnt necessarily be going elsewhere. Unless you guys become buddies and you want to drop them off right on their nana/ex/parole officer's doorstep. What happened to the free favor?
More importantly, I was thinking about what would have changed to make hitchhiking distinctly not okay in what seems to be a lot of the country. I dont see as many people hitchhiking as I used to and whenever I half-joke about picking up the non-existent hitchhikers, someone else makes a half-joke about them being serial killers. I've hitchhiked and I'm not a serial killer (yet or to my recollection).
This leads me to wonder whether people dont hitch it up as much because a) they are afraid to get rides from strangers who might be serial killers or b) people are afraid to pick up passengers who probably are serial killers. I havent decided which is more scary.
And havent there been so many times when maybe life would have been a little bit easier if you could have gotten a ride? You went biking but had a horrible, horrible fall that resulted in the popping of your front tire. You were so excited about biking all over the place that morning that you went really f'in' far and couldnt walk home and, yay, you've only got 63 cents, an old stick of gum and a membership rewards card for Duane Reade on a keychain in your pocket. You ended up by a pretty busy road in the midafternoon. Wouldnt it be nice to get a ride? Hell, yeah. But, noooo, what if that guy in the '92 Caddy HAS A GUN? Better yet, a big butcher knife he's stolen from his mother's knife rack right next to the brown ceramic hen. The same knife he lovingly sharpened and used to make plain baloney sandwiches to have for lunch with a Coke everday for 25 years while watching I Love Lucy re-runs on the tiny black and white television set before he snapped and used it to skin his momma to make a mom-costume that he keeps in the attic. Maybe you'd rather just walk then.
I'd like to assert that unlike the strung-out crackhead with a boxcutter looking for a few bucks and a ride to the next Denny's, I'm a really great person to have on board as a hitchhiker. I dont even carry my pocket knife anymore. And I have two truly excellent hitchhiker's thumbs that have fallen into disuse. What a useless genetic trait. I bet that in the golden age of hitchhiking I would've gotten so many rides. Maybe even by accident as I was giving directions (which I never do, but that's not the point).
In the future when we have flying cars it will be extra-hard to hitchhike. So we should take advantage of the prime hitchhiking conditions we have now. And if you're really worried maybe you should only hitchhike with the elderly who will be driving slowly enough for you to fling the car door open, tuck and roll your way to safety if they have a cane with a silver eagle's head or something else wicked with which to bludgeon you. If you make a sign, dont add "OR BUST" because I dont know where the hell that is and neither do you. And if you're the one giving the ride, please dont request money, stuff (esp. watches - you know you dont want someone else's sweaty wrist cheese on your timepiece and most hitchhikers arent cruising around with Rollys) or a hand-job (or other sexual rewards and illicit pleasures) in return for a ride. That's just bad form.
Okay, so maybe she isnt really hitchhiking.
Doesnt mean you cant give her a ride.