This is Goodbye
I've got to think about me now. There's no way I can get over this girl if I continue to hang out with her. Not being able to be with her pains me.
What happened to me? I used to be cold and unfeeling. Now my moods change with the days. One day I'm over her, one day I'm not. Fuck that, I need to think about me.
I deleted her out of my phone, blocked her, and removed her from my journal. She's not a bad person, and I don't hate her. I care about her too much, and it's not healthy for me. I need to do what's best for me now. I would like to be her friend eventually, but I can't until I'm over this.
This is karma. This was a one sided relationship, like the one I was in with Aida. I treated her with such disdain. Now I can really understand how much I hurt her.
So many things changed for recently. I lost my best friend, my band, my girlfriend, I moved to a new house, started a new band...All in a two week period. Wow.
I want to be the cold and unfeeling person I was last year and before. He was smarter. He didn't get hurt. He didn't throw himself into things blindly! I'm going to try to stop this casual sex thing, because before I can jump into anything with an emotion, even that, I need to fix me.
Turn myself to tin again.
I said I wouldn't drink and smoke yesterday, and guess what. I smoke and drank. That MAKES it a problem. Not being able to hold to what I say. These mood swings, and these wounds will heal...without her in my life.
Now I'll be able to focus..on school, on the band. What's fucking important. She gave me a lot though. More than I've felt before, and feeling was great. I've also been taught not to jump into things blindly. I won't forget that ever.
New Poem:
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Exit To Surface
Itching and Burning under the skin
Scratching and nagging and making it surface
Eating the bread of fear and depression
Look young man, here's your first lesson
Poking and prodding will cause it to blister
Kiss her good-bye, you're going to miss her
Digging nails into the temporary joy
Discarded and unloved like a broken toy
If everything was this easy, nothing would end
We'd never be afraid, we wouldn't need to pretend
Look all around and see all your friends
But truly nothing is beauty, and nothing makes sense
-------------------------------------------
I can't believe I was able to make the changes necessary for ME to be okay. I feel stronger already.
What happened to me? I used to be cold and unfeeling. Now my moods change with the days. One day I'm over her, one day I'm not. Fuck that, I need to think about me.
I deleted her out of my phone, blocked her, and removed her from my journal. She's not a bad person, and I don't hate her. I care about her too much, and it's not healthy for me. I need to do what's best for me now. I would like to be her friend eventually, but I can't until I'm over this.
This is karma. This was a one sided relationship, like the one I was in with Aida. I treated her with such disdain. Now I can really understand how much I hurt her.
So many things changed for recently. I lost my best friend, my band, my girlfriend, I moved to a new house, started a new band...All in a two week period. Wow.
I want to be the cold and unfeeling person I was last year and before. He was smarter. He didn't get hurt. He didn't throw himself into things blindly! I'm going to try to stop this casual sex thing, because before I can jump into anything with an emotion, even that, I need to fix me.
Turn myself to tin again.
I said I wouldn't drink and smoke yesterday, and guess what. I smoke and drank. That MAKES it a problem. Not being able to hold to what I say. These mood swings, and these wounds will heal...without her in my life.
Now I'll be able to focus..on school, on the band. What's fucking important. She gave me a lot though. More than I've felt before, and feeling was great. I've also been taught not to jump into things blindly. I won't forget that ever.
New Poem:
---------------------------------------
Exit To Surface
Itching and Burning under the skin
Scratching and nagging and making it surface
Eating the bread of fear and depression
Look young man, here's your first lesson
Poking and prodding will cause it to blister
Kiss her good-bye, you're going to miss her
Digging nails into the temporary joy
Discarded and unloved like a broken toy
If everything was this easy, nothing would end
We'd never be afraid, we wouldn't need to pretend
Look all around and see all your friends
But truly nothing is beauty, and nothing makes sense
-------------------------------------------
I can't believe I was able to make the changes necessary for ME to be okay. I feel stronger already.