(no subject)
i want to say it doesnt still hurt me. but that would be a lie. hurt is a strong word. this is more like a tinge of pain. tinge of pain everytime im simply not invited because of history. history that affects present. and this is a past that should have been burried years ago. im rambling... im hurt. i just wish there wasnt this... ex factor always running my life. i dont mean to still get so emo about this. just late at night, it still hunts me a little. more than i'll ever admit. i told sean how much it bothered me on text message, and told him to never ask me about it because id just deny it up and down. i do it to myself, why not a close friend? not to say im still hugn up. i think i can still get hurt without being hung up. i just get hurt knowing friendship is so past where we'll ever be again, it bewilders me, and makes me wonder how real feelings can be. im also upset, because i know it only bothers me. thats it. thats the thing that really bothers me. im the only one with any concern. so why should i care? why do i? i have to be more like him, and just go about my life, not giving a fuck about the other person.... but thats not who i am. and i dont even know who he is anymore.