Great..
I don’t know why I’m compelled to write a diary, but I think it’s just boredom.
Right now in my life, I have nothing to look forward to. I have no job. I have no girlfriend. I have no career prospects what so ever. I feel I am slowly falling back into an alcohol addiction, but still not smoking (but really my nicotine “addiction” did last just 2 months anyway, and I’ve only ever caved when I’ve been drunk). Not a completely positive outlook, but I think I’m out of the worst of my depression. I’m not to sure if I am bi-polar, but I have been falling in an out of a depression for months now, and despite the bad things and the total boredom, I wouldn’t say I’m too depressed right now.
Today, I have done absolutely nothing again. Got word about a job interview thing with this new skate shop opening in Bluewater, but as fate has it, it clashes with the Champions League final.
I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do for Chesh’s birthday which is in 2 days and I have fuck all money. I have £120 or so left on the card I cut up ages ago so I’ve been playing with ringing Capitol One up and telling them I lost it.
I’m feeling quite bad about my relationship with Natalie. I do like her, but I don’t want a girlfriend with the thought of Carly coming back soon. If Carly does come back I will definitely level with her face to face.
My new band, Montego, is not shaping up to be what I thought it would be. Raj’s vocals aren’t what I thought they would be on it. They sound really flat and shapeless and the lyrics are wank. I mentioned some of this at a practice and he looked a bit pissed off at me. Fair enough really.
He’s been really weird lately. Or I’ve been really weird with him. I can’t totally tell which it is. I’ve told him I’m not comfortable with him and Caroline being together, but he just keeps going on about being happy for him. I don’t know many people that have had to be in the same room as their best friend having sex with the first girl they ever had sex with. Especially when they went through such a nightmare of relationship.
I’ve been thinking of Rachel a lot as well, which is weird. Only really after Kris mentioned he was going to try and have sex with her. I really hope that doesn’t happen. I really do love Rachel, it just killed me going up to Shrewsbury all the time and I could only do it because I didn’t have a job. If he does sleep with her, good for him, whatever. But if he brags about it in front of my face I’m going to hit him. He deserves a punch anyway.
I don’t get what the whole thing with Raj, Joe and Kris is and why they just love it being them three and just them three. It’s really frustrating when they just seem to ignore me for the sake of keeping their “trio” intact. I much prefer hanging out with Jimmy and Craig anyway, but I have to stop being so loud and talkative. I feel like I’m attention seeking or bringing unnecessary attention to myself all the time. It’s really frustrating when I do it, but I only really realise afterwards. It’s sad to base myself on a fictional character, but I much preferred it when people compared me to Seth Cohen rather than just a total cunt. So when I’m around people I’m going to quit the loud stuff and just do the quiet sarcastic stuff I used to do. I don’t really like being hated at the moment. It’s not fun at all. Also why I need to get some money in, I hate sponging off of people. I really do. And I owe Jack at least 2 drinks, Ant one at least for the lifts the other night, and Natalie a fuck load more than that. I’m going to be taking at least £100 off my card and then pray I get a job soon.
I’m also definitely not eating enough. Must sort that out as well. Not quite sure how, because I’m just not that hungry most of the time.
Also, must find a hobby instead of sitting around the house hoping Carly knocks on the door, because I have to realise that isn’t going to happen any time soon. Fucking hate Australia.
Right now in my life, I have nothing to look forward to. I have no job. I have no girlfriend. I have no career prospects what so ever. I feel I am slowly falling back into an alcohol addiction, but still not smoking (but really my nicotine “addiction” did last just 2 months anyway, and I’ve only ever caved when I’ve been drunk). Not a completely positive outlook, but I think I’m out of the worst of my depression. I’m not to sure if I am bi-polar, but I have been falling in an out of a depression for months now, and despite the bad things and the total boredom, I wouldn’t say I’m too depressed right now.
Today, I have done absolutely nothing again. Got word about a job interview thing with this new skate shop opening in Bluewater, but as fate has it, it clashes with the Champions League final.
I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do for Chesh’s birthday which is in 2 days and I have fuck all money. I have £120 or so left on the card I cut up ages ago so I’ve been playing with ringing Capitol One up and telling them I lost it.
I’m feeling quite bad about my relationship with Natalie. I do like her, but I don’t want a girlfriend with the thought of Carly coming back soon. If Carly does come back I will definitely level with her face to face.
My new band, Montego, is not shaping up to be what I thought it would be. Raj’s vocals aren’t what I thought they would be on it. They sound really flat and shapeless and the lyrics are wank. I mentioned some of this at a practice and he looked a bit pissed off at me. Fair enough really.
He’s been really weird lately. Or I’ve been really weird with him. I can’t totally tell which it is. I’ve told him I’m not comfortable with him and Caroline being together, but he just keeps going on about being happy for him. I don’t know many people that have had to be in the same room as their best friend having sex with the first girl they ever had sex with. Especially when they went through such a nightmare of relationship.
I’ve been thinking of Rachel a lot as well, which is weird. Only really after Kris mentioned he was going to try and have sex with her. I really hope that doesn’t happen. I really do love Rachel, it just killed me going up to Shrewsbury all the time and I could only do it because I didn’t have a job. If he does sleep with her, good for him, whatever. But if he brags about it in front of my face I’m going to hit him. He deserves a punch anyway.
I don’t get what the whole thing with Raj, Joe and Kris is and why they just love it being them three and just them three. It’s really frustrating when they just seem to ignore me for the sake of keeping their “trio” intact. I much prefer hanging out with Jimmy and Craig anyway, but I have to stop being so loud and talkative. I feel like I’m attention seeking or bringing unnecessary attention to myself all the time. It’s really frustrating when I do it, but I only really realise afterwards. It’s sad to base myself on a fictional character, but I much preferred it when people compared me to Seth Cohen rather than just a total cunt. So when I’m around people I’m going to quit the loud stuff and just do the quiet sarcastic stuff I used to do. I don’t really like being hated at the moment. It’s not fun at all. Also why I need to get some money in, I hate sponging off of people. I really do. And I owe Jack at least 2 drinks, Ant one at least for the lifts the other night, and Natalie a fuck load more than that. I’m going to be taking at least £100 off my card and then pray I get a job soon.
I’m also definitely not eating enough. Must sort that out as well. Not quite sure how, because I’m just not that hungry most of the time.
Also, must find a hobby instead of sitting around the house hoping Carly knocks on the door, because I have to realise that isn’t going to happen any time soon. Fucking hate Australia.