Colony in Space
Previous: The Claws of Axos
Colony in Space
Wow. I never thought I'd say this in Doctor Who but...my brain is listening for the Star Trek TOS opening sequence here.
Hello Time Lords, up to your manipulative douchebaggery again?
Also, the criminal photo of the Doctor on the screen further confirms my theory that Gallifreyan writing is different every time we see it.
"One of my agents thinks he's picked up traces of the Master."
"Your agents are ALWAYS picking up traces of the Master."
Aww, well at least Three and Jo can still giggle about UNIT arresting important political figures by accident.
"Well, what've you got in there anyway, policemen?"
"Why not step inside and see for yourself?"
So Jo's only just now getting in the TARDIS.
Yes, I know that Liz Shaw never got to go inside, but that's a different story.
"I don't believe it! It's bigger inside than out!" It's...also still got the Troughton walls.
Actually, is it just me, or is Pertwee's console room a little different in every pre-Three Doctors story?
Brig. *Brig.* Can I just take you and your gloriously nonchalant reactions to the Doctor doing things and keep you in my pocket forever.
Like Gallifreyan writing, the Time Vortex looks a bit different every time, too. This time it's yet another 70's music video.
It's kind of adorably sad how Jo has the most doe-eyed please-take-me-home-now-Doctor reaction of any of the accidental-takeoff companions.
Also, hello Upgraded War Machine, what might you be doing here with that grappling crane arm?
Wait, that's not a grappling crane at all, that's a...giant metal detector? Well it's certainly a giant something-detector.
"Is that supposed to be where we are?" I can just hear Patsy from Monty Python in the background going "It's just a model."
After UNIT, it's really fascinating seeing how sudden space-and-time travel is adding a whole new dimension to Three and Jo's relationship.
In a weird way, it's like watching Hartnell again. Namely that the companions are so torn between fear, disbelief, and fascination.
(I say Hartnell instead of Troughton because most of Two's companions chose to come along for the ride.)
(Also, and more importantly, Jo's reaction feels strangely reminiscent of Ian and Barbara's first few experiences in the TARDIS.)
(The major difference here is, of course, the fact that Jo and Three have already built up a relationship and she knows she can trust him.)
"Come on, Jo, nothing to worry about." Yeah, don't worry, the Doctor's had plenty of experience with quarries.
Eugh, and these must be the native species. Nice shiny things, though.
Well, it's good to know that the Doctor's desire for exploration has gone down from "let's go see that Dalek city" to "oh hey a rock."
(I mean this purely in terms of likelihood of companion endangerment, of course.) Oh hello Random Dude With a Gun.
I have to admit, it's rather striking just how Earth-like this space colony is. Framed photos and books and everything.
Actually, with the leather-like outfits and facial hair all over the place, it almost looks post-medieval.
OH NOES, NOT MINERALOGISTS. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WORSE THAN A MINERALOGIST.
Somehow I doubt the Time Lords sent Three to this world to help them with farming trouble. Cue obligatory Someone Dragging the TARDIS Off.
Forget what I said about "medieval": with crop failures and that girl's dress, this is turning into Little House on the Prairie in Space.
Ohhhhhhh the year was 2471, HOW I WISH I WAS IN SHERBROOKE NOOOWWWWWWWW... #obscurecampreferences
Alrighty, now THIS is starting to look more like the future in space.
Suddenly GIANT IGUANA.
Wow. Usually it's some random mook who's the first to die, but this time it's a happy married couple. That's...frighteningly grim.
So there's not only another colony that's been destroyed but the creepy things with spears also might not be dangerous? Welp.
Considering the robot that just burst in has the letters MC on it I'll bet it's one of those mining machines they were talking about before.
Huh. I just realized that they're still calling them "episodes" and not "parts."
Also, that was probably one of the most anti-climactic cliffhanger follow-ups I've seen in a while.
"Interplanetary Mining Corporation." I KNEW IT.
"The usual story, that we've only just arrived and we're surprised and shocked that the place has been colonized." I DIDN'T KNEW IT.
"Make yourself at home. That's the entertainment console." But what would Three want with "entertainment" when there's Science in the room?
Especially when the "entertainment" is just fear-mongering war footage?
So it sounds like these guys disguise themselves as giant killer lizards to scare off colonists. ...What kind of mining company IS this?!?
Also they say things like this: "Look at this report. LOOK AT IT!!!" #IWANTALLOFYOUTOLOOKATIT
Seems Three has had enough of watching propaganda and has drawn the Bullshit Curtain.
I find it an interesting coincidence that the IMC's uniform is the same black-and-red scheme as Three's outfit in this serial.
Also I just noticed that this is a fairly companion-lite episode so far. We're nearly halfway done and Jo's only had one scene.
In the meantime, TIME-FU.
There's a "get in, loser, we're going ass-kicking" joke I should make with Three one of these days, best to make note of it now.
Meanwhile, back at the Little House on the Prairie in Space, Jo Grant's in the kitchens. Well then.
Okay, this has to be said: design-wise, these are some of the worst aliens I've seen in Doctor Who. They really are.
"Don't worry, Jim'll fix it." Jo's giggle makes me wonder if that show was around when this story aired...
...huh. According to Wikipedia it was still a few years off. But if we take UNIT dating into accordance...MALCOLM HULKE CAN TELL THE FUTURE.
In the meantime, that straggler you guys picked up has just lost it again and killed your only electrician. Nice going.
Waaaaaaaaaait. Either that guy is *actually* inside or he's really an insider for the IMC. The latter is suddenly looking more likely.
Okay, why do they feel the need to zoom in on the mining ship's number every time they cut back there?
Welp. We seem to be in almost exactly the same cliffhanger as the last episode.
Another catastrophe averted by Time-Fu. Also, those giant claw arms on the robot are becoming increasingly hilarious.
So the mining corps and the colonists finally meet. The former aren't making a terribly good first impression.
They're talking about adjudicators and suddenly all I can think about are Chris and Roz from the New Adventures. Same group?
"Doctor! You haven't lost the TARDIS?"
"Well no, I haven't exactly 'lost' it, let's say it's 'temporarily mislaid'."
Wait, since when does this corporation have a piece of the Key to Time? Also, looks like I was right about the refugee working for them.
Wow, Jo sure didn't have a problem getting onto their ship. Although I don't like the looks of those bulkhead doors...
I'm sorry guys but I hear the IMC's leader's name is Captain Dent and suddenly I'm seeing Arthur Dent and aaggggghhh fandom scramble.
Holding Jo hostage and then chaining her to explosives just so they can eventually mine the planet clean. Jeez, these people are DICKS.
And Jo is being delightfully nonchalant about this. That's our lil' escapologist!
"Well, I took a class in escapology...once..." Aaaaaand thank you for ruining the magic.
Also, this is looking like another case of Selflessness Will Get You Caught.
Huh. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this is the first time we've had a space story where the guns had bullets and not lasers.
I would make a "we'll befriend you with our SPACE GUNS!" joke here but there are no crowbars and nobody would get the reference.
"Don't bother, I got him for you!" DDDD:
I would say this means Jo's sacrifice is in vain, but now we've got a guy riddled with the IMC's bullet holes. Evidence!
OR NOT. Looks like the IMC have a dissenter in their midst as well!
"I'm not one of Dent's killers, I'm a miner." FINALLY, someone who's actually there to do their job.
Ah, so he wants the colonists off the planet too, but at least it's for let's-not-spill-anymore-blood reasons.
Meanwhile, good ol' fashioned Tape In Space!
So it looks like Jo might be on the road to safety when Suddenly Aliens.
Violence and innocent-looking girls solve everything. #itarefact
Well it looks like the colonists got the upper hand on the miners pretty quickly, but we're only halfway through the serial, so...
Next Phase: getting Jo out of Iraq. I mean, a rock.
That was an unforgivable pun and I apologize.
So...are the primitives supposed to look like they're splattered with blood, or is that a design quirk?
Awwww, lookit the giant iguana!
(But seriously, how they got the machine with claws and that handheld projector to fool anyone is beyond me.)
The adjudicator's finally here, but somehow I doubt that's going to make things much better at this point.
I guess that's the leader of the primitives. From the big flowing cape I thought he might be the Master (seriously, where IS he this time?)
Everyone on the IMC ship seems to be in a state of Everything Could Go Wrong If One Person Does Something Reckless Or Stupid.
Aaaaaand there we go, secret gun in the drawer. Crap. The again, as everyone's been saying, "how will THIS look to the adjudicator?"
Three looks like he's going for a leisurely stroll, not rushing to rescue his companion.
Waaaaiiiit, hold up, is the adjudicator...?
...THERE'S the Master! I was wondering where you'd got to! (On the other hand, everyone is now screwed.)
On that note, the fact that the primitives are gesturing towards the picture of what Three thought was a sacrifice doesn't bode well either.
I think this is the first time I've seen people give an honest attempt at diplomatic resolution on this show instead of shooting each other.
On the other hand, there was already a lot of shooting and that fact that the Master is the mediator renders all sense of fair trial moot.
Also there was quite a bit of diplomacy in Cold Blood, but that was much later.
So THAT'S where Jon Pertwee and His Magical Face Money came from!
Wait, if the primitives can read minds, then how did they fall for that trick?
More importantly, do Three and Jo know for absolute certain that the primitives are planning to sacrifice them?
AND HOW ARE THE PRIMITIVES NOT HEARING ALL THIS WHISPERING?
Well, that escape plan didn't work out too well, did it?
"All intruders in the city must die. That is the law." Well. That answers that question.
Whew. At least the leader is willing to listen to reason and let them go.
I don't think I've ever heard the word "overjoyed" spoken with such assertion before. Thank you, Three.
"Three different races or three mutations of the same race?" Now THAT'S an interesting theory.
Huh. Looks like the Master may've been trying to conduct actual diplomacy after all.
Especially since he's just continuing to announce the verdict even after Three and Jo burst in and find him.
Okay, so no verdict yet, but he sure is taking this opportunity to taunt Three about "lol I have my papers in order and you don't."
Verdict in favor of the miners (as expected), but at least he made it sound like a reasonable argument.
Well, enough of pseudo courtroom drama, let's get drunk!
I just realized something: all of time and space, and yet the Doctor almost never returns to the same planet twice.
I mean there's only so many conceivably habitable worlds out there, how many stories could be done by revisiting planets in the past/future?
I know this has been done with places like Skaro and Peladon, but I think it could be taken advantage of more often.
"The Master came to this planet for a purpose, Jo." EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN WONDERING FOR A WHILE.
Seriously, I don't see anything the Master has to gain from this. He's already perfected forgery so he can get himself nearly anywhere.
Of course, forgery alone won't get your TARDIS working...
Naturally Norton is finally found out by just one guy who immediately gets shot. At least the communicator is out of commission now.
SHOOTOUT IN THE WAREHOUSE.
Master, with all due respect, this has to be one of the lamest plans to kill the Doctor you've ever had.
Wow, this serial really has an unfortunate tendency towards massively lame cliffhanger follow-ups.
Well, at least the colonists are in control again. Although I'm not sure how this makes them much better than the miners.
I still have absolutely no idea whose side the Master is supposed to be on or what he ultimately hopes to gain from this whole fiasco.
And that, my dear Three, was the sound of that credentials conversation from earlier coming back to bite you in the ass.
And while I appreciate your convenient possession of the Master's TARDIS key, don't you think he would've noticed it was missing by now?
Captain Dent is the first one to see reason and do a background check on the Master's adjudicator claim? Can't say I was expecting that.
Looks like the Master at least has some security measures in place on his TARDIS. A laser trip-wire seems a bit basic for him, though.
*wiggle wiggle wiggle*
Ticker tape! In Space!
Wait. No. Jo, please tell me you did not just actually do that. Those things work both ways.
Intruders in my TARDIS? Quick! Activate the poison gas and slow-moving disco lights!
Apparently when counting down to landing, you reach a point where you just stop using even numbers.
Okay, so it was knockout gas and not poison gas, but still.
IMC security personnel: they also double as ninjas.
Oh hey, even more shooting.
You can tell I've been on a bit of a Star Wars bent lately because I keep expecting Three to Force that stick out of the Master's hand.
Wait a sec, how does Dent have ruling power all of a sudden? And what was up with that key-dropping?
Dent is really good at dick moves. Withholding vital damming evidence so he can keep his power.
And now I know where that Evil Hugs picture came from.
Oh, never mind that our ride just got pummeled by giant falling rocks, I still own your ass.
Once again, Caldwell might be the colonists' only sliver of hope for survival from the IMC...
Ahhhhhhhhhh, THAT'S what the key-dropping was for!
Naturally the Master is not taking too kindly to this. #itoldyoubro #iwarnedyouaboutkeys
Okay, so Three didn't Force the rod out of the Master's hands, but he sure did kick it.
World-building question: is there really a need for the doors to be shaped like that? Looks rather counter-intuitive. #lightningboltdoors
And now, Anthropology Hour with Theta and Koschei.
Ahhhhhhhhh, so THAT'S why the Target novel of this serial is called "Doctor Who and the Doomsday Weapon!"
FINALLY. Thank you, Master. Everything makes sense now. A really cheap sense, but sense.
Breathing device for potentially dangerous gas? Nah, Three's got a hankie.
"Then you can sit in your ship till you rot. Try to get out and you'll be shot on the spot." A bit too much...rhyming for something so dire?
So of course the first thing I notice about this fight scene is WOW that is some impressive mud.
I can only assume it rained pretty heavily at the quarry because seriously you guys, this mud.
Umm...if you're going to blow up a spaceship full of innocent people, you might want to make the poignant aftermath longer than 20 seconds.
ESPECIALLY if said innocent people are the underdogs we've been rooting for for the past 5 episodes. Seriously.
Well, Jo and Caldwell certainly got over that pretty quickly...
"So. You intend to hold the universe to ransom." Get used to this, Doctor. Just...get used to this.
The Master's putting an interesting spin on the "come to the Dark Side, we have cookies" speech right here:
He seems to be saying "come on, Doctor, let's play Overlords together! I'll be the evil overlord and you can be the good overlord!"
Actually, never mind, the Master wants to be the Good Overlord too...but why?
You know, it's really intriguing seeing how the Master plus Three's cabin fever is started to form a legit conflict in the latter's mind.
I mean, first we had his ambiguous semi-departure in Axos, now he seems to be honestly considering the Master's offer of half the universe.
Awww, come on, you had SUCH a perfect opportunity for an "all these corridors look the same" joke and you missed it!
Also, I love how the Master sounds so genuinely confused about WHY Three is adamantly turning down his offer.
Roger Delgado Appreciation Post: his eyes right now are just screaming "DOCTOR. SHUT. YOUR. FACE."
"Unhappiness and destruction?" Somehow I think destruction would come with something a bit more extreme than "unhappiness." Like "death."
"Not only does justice prevail on your planet sir, but also infinite compassion." Such a Three way of saying "you're cool, bro, I like you."
Wait so Three just set a giant weapon to self-destruct with a bunch of people still inside why would you do that.
"You'd better do something, Doctor. They're going to kill you!" Said...the Master, oddly enough.
COLONIST RESISTANCE ARMY! THEY LIVED!
"The Master! He's gone!" Well, he had the perfect cover of a bullet storm and a getaway car. What did you expect?
Well, the plot's wrapped up, the bad guys are taken care of, and you know what that means: time for the TARDIS to be conveniently found!
Meanwhile, back on Earth... "Doctor...come back at once." Or, That Awkward Moment When the Brig Summoned the TARDIS.
Awww, it really is like they never left.
Next: The Daemons