Fic: "Leave You" (Jack/Ianto) - 10/10
Sorry for the delay with this. Intended to get it up sooner, but.... well. Real Life, what can I say.
Title: Leave You
Author: Jedi Princess Clarrisani
Chapter: 10 of 10
Rating: R (M15+)
Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto
Series: Breathe Trilogy (Part One)
Summary: After losing his two best friends during an alien attack, Ianto quits Torchwood only to end up in a train wreck
Disclaimer: Still don't own. I'm not allowed to play in that sandbox.
Warnings: Very, very, angsty. And I mean that. Also, some spoilers for the season two episode "Fragments" for Owen's story.
A/N: Written for TWWC (Torchwood Australia Writing Challenge) #9. Song used for challenge is Mika's "Relax (Take it Easy)". This fic is AU to S2 as it was written during when S2 was airing.
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From Part Nine
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"So where you going to go?" Grant asked him as they watched as the ambulance carrying Colin and Jodie disappeared down the hill toward the main road. Anya still held onto his hand, refusing to leave him as he and Grant waited for their own ride having insisted that the kids go first.
"I don't know," Ianto answered truthfully. "I just want to get as far away from all this as I can."
"I have a place in Gloucester if you need somewhere to stay while you figure things out," Grant said. "I have a spare room for when my sister comes to stay, but she hasn't been up from London much since she and her husband had the baby last year."
Ianto smiled faintly. "I might take you up on that, if only for a week."
"Stay as long as you want. You don't even have to pay the rent."
"No, I will insist on paying my way." He chuckled, wincing and clutching his sore rib. "I have a bit saved up."
"You're a better man than I am then." Grant smiled, looking at where the police were discussing the events.
"Ianto!"
Ianto closed his eyes, letting out a long breath and swearing under his breath. He turned, looking up the hill and spotting Jack making his way down toward him.
"The ex?" Grant asked.
"Mm-hm." Ianto sighed, pushing Anya toward the other man. "I better go talk to him."
"You need backup you just give me a call." Grant nodded to the side. "We'll be over there."
"Thank you."
Ianto turned, setting himself and moving away from Grant to go and meet Jack halfway. Jack moved to come closer, Ianto raising a hand and stopping Jack in his tracks.
"You got my message then," Ianto said.
"I did, but I don't believe it." Jack shook his head. "You're grieving, Ianto. You can't make rational decisions while you're like this."
"No Jack. I've been thinking about it for a long time." He swallowed, nodding up toward the train. "Look at our life, Jack. We're surrounded by death. I survived Canary Warf and had to watch everyone die around me. And it hasn't stopped, Jack. Everyone dies. How long until it's Tosh, Gwen or Owen? How long until it's me?"
"That won't happen," Jack said. "I won't let it happen."
"Just like you said this morning that no one was going to die today."
"Okay. So I was wrong."
"That's just it, Jack. You usually are about those things." Ianto gestured up toward the train. "Look at what happened tonight. There had to be over a hundred people on that train, and there were five survivors. Just five. Three of them were children, one of them an orphan because of this."
"That wasn't my fault."
"I know that. I know." Ianto shook his head, rubbing a hand behind his neck and closing his eyes. "But this sort of thing is everyday for us. We see it happen, never experience it. We never take the time to see. We remain disconnected because it would destroy us." Ianto set his jaw, meeting Jack's eye. "I've done it for so long I'm losing myself. It's destroying me. I can't do it anymore."
Jack frowned, seeming to realise where this was going. "Ianto, I know I can't understand and I'm not even going to try, but you can't give up. Not you."
"Yes Jack. Yes I can." Ianto spread his arms in a hopeless gesture. "This is me giving up."
Jack shook his head. "I believe we're in this together-"
"No we're not. You're you. The rest of us just get mixed up in your world." Ianto averted his eyes, fighting back the tears. He'd wanted to avoid this conversation. "Everyone close to you dies, Jack. I lost my friends today. I almost died. I want to live. I want to experience life."
"You can do that. I can give you days off."
"That's not enough."
Jack stared at him, a look of helplessness and confusion on his face. "Ianto..."
"Believe me, Jack, when I woke up this morning I didn't plan this. Even now, the last thing on my mind is to leave you, but I've got to. I have to get away."
Jack took a half step forward, Ianto resisting the urge to step back. "There are many roads left."
He nodded. "But for now, our roads are different."
Jack sighed, chin dropping to his chest before he looked up again, defeat in his eyes. "Be careful."
Ianto nodded. "I always am."
Jack watched him for a moment, judging his reaction as he stepped forward. He brought his hands up, Ianto allowing Jack to take his face in his hands. Jack trailed his thumbs lightly over Ianto's jawbone before leaning in, pressing their lips together.
Jack had probably intended it to be a quick kiss, but Ianto soon found his fingers buried in Jack's hair, kissing him hard and deep knowing full well this could be their last kiss, the last time he saw the enigmatic captain. Then again, Jack being Jack, he'd probably pop up again at some point when Ianto least needed him.
Ianto was the one to pull back, gazing into Jack's eyes. "Goodbye, Jack."
Jack didn't reply but let him go, Ianto turning before Jack could see the tears beginning to well up in his eyes. He had never worried about showing weakness in front of him before, but this time was different. He could see Grant and Anya waiting for him at the bottom of the hill, and he smiled at them.
"Ianto."
He paused, turning and looking back at Jack, noticing for the first time that Jack was almost crying himself.
Jack set his jaw. "I love you."
Ianto stared at him for a long while, taking in Jack's posture and gaze. After a moment he shook his head. "I don't believe you."
Without another word and turned and continued to walk down the hill, leaving Jack alone. He didn't look back again.
END
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A/N: The lines "I believe we are in this together", "there are many roads left" and "the last thing on my mind is to leave you" are also from the song 'Relax'. As previously mentioned, the main song used for the challenge is "Relax (Take it Easy)" by Mika, but this fic's soundtrack also includes "This Heart Attack" by Faker, and "Cry for You (Candlelight Edit)" by September. Check them out - they're really good.
To BREATHE TRILOGY: PART TWO "THE HEART OF EVERYTHING"
Title: Leave You
Author: Jedi Princess Clarrisani
Chapter: 10 of 10
Rating: R (M15+)
Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto
Series: Breathe Trilogy (Part One)
Summary: After losing his two best friends during an alien attack, Ianto quits Torchwood only to end up in a train wreck
Disclaimer: Still don't own. I'm not allowed to play in that sandbox.
Warnings: Very, very, angsty. And I mean that. Also, some spoilers for the season two episode "Fragments" for Owen's story.
A/N: Written for TWWC (Torchwood Australia Writing Challenge) #9. Song used for challenge is Mika's "Relax (Take it Easy)". This fic is AU to S2 as it was written during when S2 was airing.
---------
From Part Nine
---------
"So where you going to go?" Grant asked him as they watched as the ambulance carrying Colin and Jodie disappeared down the hill toward the main road. Anya still held onto his hand, refusing to leave him as he and Grant waited for their own ride having insisted that the kids go first.
"I don't know," Ianto answered truthfully. "I just want to get as far away from all this as I can."
"I have a place in Gloucester if you need somewhere to stay while you figure things out," Grant said. "I have a spare room for when my sister comes to stay, but she hasn't been up from London much since she and her husband had the baby last year."
Ianto smiled faintly. "I might take you up on that, if only for a week."
"Stay as long as you want. You don't even have to pay the rent."
"No, I will insist on paying my way." He chuckled, wincing and clutching his sore rib. "I have a bit saved up."
"You're a better man than I am then." Grant smiled, looking at where the police were discussing the events.
"Ianto!"
Ianto closed his eyes, letting out a long breath and swearing under his breath. He turned, looking up the hill and spotting Jack making his way down toward him.
"The ex?" Grant asked.
"Mm-hm." Ianto sighed, pushing Anya toward the other man. "I better go talk to him."
"You need backup you just give me a call." Grant nodded to the side. "We'll be over there."
"Thank you."
Ianto turned, setting himself and moving away from Grant to go and meet Jack halfway. Jack moved to come closer, Ianto raising a hand and stopping Jack in his tracks.
"You got my message then," Ianto said.
"I did, but I don't believe it." Jack shook his head. "You're grieving, Ianto. You can't make rational decisions while you're like this."
"No Jack. I've been thinking about it for a long time." He swallowed, nodding up toward the train. "Look at our life, Jack. We're surrounded by death. I survived Canary Warf and had to watch everyone die around me. And it hasn't stopped, Jack. Everyone dies. How long until it's Tosh, Gwen or Owen? How long until it's me?"
"That won't happen," Jack said. "I won't let it happen."
"Just like you said this morning that no one was going to die today."
"Okay. So I was wrong."
"That's just it, Jack. You usually are about those things." Ianto gestured up toward the train. "Look at what happened tonight. There had to be over a hundred people on that train, and there were five survivors. Just five. Three of them were children, one of them an orphan because of this."
"That wasn't my fault."
"I know that. I know." Ianto shook his head, rubbing a hand behind his neck and closing his eyes. "But this sort of thing is everyday for us. We see it happen, never experience it. We never take the time to see. We remain disconnected because it would destroy us." Ianto set his jaw, meeting Jack's eye. "I've done it for so long I'm losing myself. It's destroying me. I can't do it anymore."
Jack frowned, seeming to realise where this was going. "Ianto, I know I can't understand and I'm not even going to try, but you can't give up. Not you."
"Yes Jack. Yes I can." Ianto spread his arms in a hopeless gesture. "This is me giving up."
Jack shook his head. "I believe we're in this together-"
"No we're not. You're you. The rest of us just get mixed up in your world." Ianto averted his eyes, fighting back the tears. He'd wanted to avoid this conversation. "Everyone close to you dies, Jack. I lost my friends today. I almost died. I want to live. I want to experience life."
"You can do that. I can give you days off."
"That's not enough."
Jack stared at him, a look of helplessness and confusion on his face. "Ianto..."
"Believe me, Jack, when I woke up this morning I didn't plan this. Even now, the last thing on my mind is to leave you, but I've got to. I have to get away."
Jack took a half step forward, Ianto resisting the urge to step back. "There are many roads left."
He nodded. "But for now, our roads are different."
Jack sighed, chin dropping to his chest before he looked up again, defeat in his eyes. "Be careful."
Ianto nodded. "I always am."
Jack watched him for a moment, judging his reaction as he stepped forward. He brought his hands up, Ianto allowing Jack to take his face in his hands. Jack trailed his thumbs lightly over Ianto's jawbone before leaning in, pressing their lips together.
Jack had probably intended it to be a quick kiss, but Ianto soon found his fingers buried in Jack's hair, kissing him hard and deep knowing full well this could be their last kiss, the last time he saw the enigmatic captain. Then again, Jack being Jack, he'd probably pop up again at some point when Ianto least needed him.
Ianto was the one to pull back, gazing into Jack's eyes. "Goodbye, Jack."
Jack didn't reply but let him go, Ianto turning before Jack could see the tears beginning to well up in his eyes. He had never worried about showing weakness in front of him before, but this time was different. He could see Grant and Anya waiting for him at the bottom of the hill, and he smiled at them.
"Ianto."
He paused, turning and looking back at Jack, noticing for the first time that Jack was almost crying himself.
Jack set his jaw. "I love you."
Ianto stared at him for a long while, taking in Jack's posture and gaze. After a moment he shook his head. "I don't believe you."
Without another word and turned and continued to walk down the hill, leaving Jack alone. He didn't look back again.
END
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A/N: The lines "I believe we are in this together", "there are many roads left" and "the last thing on my mind is to leave you" are also from the song 'Relax'. As previously mentioned, the main song used for the challenge is "Relax (Take it Easy)" by Mika, but this fic's soundtrack also includes "This Heart Attack" by Faker, and "Cry for You (Candlelight Edit)" by September. Check them out - they're really good.
To BREATHE TRILOGY: PART TWO "THE HEART OF EVERYTHING"