L'Histoire
I decided to go back and read my journal last night. Boy, have I changed in five years.
See, I knew full well that I'd started writing in it when I was still in college, but 2005 just seems so long ago. I was a completely different person back then.
Definitely more reactionary. Although I've been a Democrat all my life, I've mellowed out a lot since college. I'm nowhere near as angry as I used to be about issues. Granted, I can still get fired up on certain topics, I've learned to temper that rage into productive outlets.
I'd also forgotten how much drama there was at first. Almost as if a dream, five years ago I was going through the entire situation with BJ and his internet girlfriend. Luckily, he and I were able to recover our friendship after that-- which at the time I didn't see as possible. A lot of it, I believe, had to do with everything that happened with Jack. Though he and I had buried the hatchet while I was still in college, we didn't talk much after I came back to Montgomery. Aaron was always on the road with work, so he needed a friend to talk to. That was me. It salvaged our friendship. It's still hard to believe that he's moving on with his life by joining the military. I'm so proud of him.
There was also a period of time where I was intensely mad at Kelly. She and I didn't talk for the longest time-- we still don't. But there was a small period of time in there where we did. Funny how every time I'd cut it off, we'd end up talking again. Now that she doesn't want to talk, we haven't. Kelly was pretty awesome. She kept me on my toes intellectually. Since then, I feel like I've gotten dumber (which is probably also due to no longer being in an educational environment). But she made the decision I was never allowed to have. It's cool. And it's not as if I'm trying to be nonchalant about it, but our usefulness in the others' life ran out. I do wish her all the best, though.
I can also see how idealistic I was about life. How I was going to be a journalist-- and the best, at that. How I was going to be with Lindsay.
I've learned that life isn't as idealistic as I wanted it to be. I certainly didn't expect working in traffic court. As much as I enjoy it, it isn't where I intended to be. I still would like to work for a paper, though.
As for Lindsay, all I can say is wow. I was so certain of her. If that's the way I felt about her, I cannot fathom the amount of love I'll have for the right person. That's another thing-- I'm not so anti-marriage anymore. I do see a more pragmatic side of it than most people do, but I do want to find love one day. Even be a father.
And I got drunk entirely too much. Lord knows my head can't handle it the next morning these days.
I also wasn't very content with my life. Every other entry had something to do with Boston, Boston, Boston. Sure, I wish I was up north, but dang, I was so down on Tuscaloosa-- and the South in general. Not that I see it in a different light, but I've accepted that the day I leave is not today.
Funny, though-- I ran across a journal entry where I realized how far up my ass my head was in high school. I can look back now and see how much further it was up there during college.
See, I knew full well that I'd started writing in it when I was still in college, but 2005 just seems so long ago. I was a completely different person back then.
Definitely more reactionary. Although I've been a Democrat all my life, I've mellowed out a lot since college. I'm nowhere near as angry as I used to be about issues. Granted, I can still get fired up on certain topics, I've learned to temper that rage into productive outlets.
I'd also forgotten how much drama there was at first. Almost as if a dream, five years ago I was going through the entire situation with BJ and his internet girlfriend. Luckily, he and I were able to recover our friendship after that-- which at the time I didn't see as possible. A lot of it, I believe, had to do with everything that happened with Jack. Though he and I had buried the hatchet while I was still in college, we didn't talk much after I came back to Montgomery. Aaron was always on the road with work, so he needed a friend to talk to. That was me. It salvaged our friendship. It's still hard to believe that he's moving on with his life by joining the military. I'm so proud of him.
There was also a period of time where I was intensely mad at Kelly. She and I didn't talk for the longest time-- we still don't. But there was a small period of time in there where we did. Funny how every time I'd cut it off, we'd end up talking again. Now that she doesn't want to talk, we haven't. Kelly was pretty awesome. She kept me on my toes intellectually. Since then, I feel like I've gotten dumber (which is probably also due to no longer being in an educational environment). But she made the decision I was never allowed to have. It's cool. And it's not as if I'm trying to be nonchalant about it, but our usefulness in the others' life ran out. I do wish her all the best, though.
I can also see how idealistic I was about life. How I was going to be a journalist-- and the best, at that. How I was going to be with Lindsay.
I've learned that life isn't as idealistic as I wanted it to be. I certainly didn't expect working in traffic court. As much as I enjoy it, it isn't where I intended to be. I still would like to work for a paper, though.
As for Lindsay, all I can say is wow. I was so certain of her. If that's the way I felt about her, I cannot fathom the amount of love I'll have for the right person. That's another thing-- I'm not so anti-marriage anymore. I do see a more pragmatic side of it than most people do, but I do want to find love one day. Even be a father.
And I got drunk entirely too much. Lord knows my head can't handle it the next morning these days.
I also wasn't very content with my life. Every other entry had something to do with Boston, Boston, Boston. Sure, I wish I was up north, but dang, I was so down on Tuscaloosa-- and the South in general. Not that I see it in a different light, but I've accepted that the day I leave is not today.
Funny, though-- I ran across a journal entry where I realized how far up my ass my head was in high school. I can look back now and see how much further it was up there during college.