The Storybook Hour, 6/8
Important! Starting in this part, there are spoilers up through the finale of season three of Doctor Who. If you follow the show and have yet to see the end of that season, I recommend you wait on reading this. If you honestly don't care, then read on :D
Summary, disclaimers, notes, etc., can be found in part 1.
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 7 | part 8
[ Spencer doesn't know what's up with aliens and cheerleaders: ]
It's just... Jon and Spencer are this really solid, comfortable thing, y'know?
Spencer feels at ease around Jon, and part of the reason he's so pissy with Jon near the start is that he doesn't know why he feels so comfortable around him, and it freaks him out, so he ends up being grumpy and short with Jon. Luckily, Jon is an easy-going guy, and full of awesome because of his magical groupie powers, so he is easily able to survive Spencer's death glares of doom until they become less and less frequent and pretty soon they're friends and then one day a giant wasp touches down and nearly succeeds in laying its (lethal, host-consuming) eggs in Jon, and Spencer kinda maybe freaks and goes kamikaze on its ass. Jon thinks it might be time to make a move, which he does the next morning when he's no longer freaking out about the big bug that tried to shove its ovipositor into him.
Kissing Spencer Smith is just as amazing as Jon predicted it would be eight months ago. Totally worth the wait.
But the thing is that Spencer's kinda been saving Jon's ass from aliens for months now. And Jon usually returns the favor twice a week or so. It's not anything new or different, just like the way they tend to curl up around each other on the couch isn't really unusual. Someone they've become used to each other over the past eight, nine months. Comfortable. At ease. It just happens, and it's like Spencer suddenly realizes exactly where Ryan's coming from with his absolute obliviousness to the fact that Brendon is pretty much head-over-heels for him, because apparently Jon was really fucking obvious? At least, Spencer had thought he was, but he'd also thought Jon was just being, well. Jon. Friendly and flirty and an all-around nice guy. Spencer hadn't realized that yeah, Jon was friendly and an all-around nice guy with pretty much everyone, but he was only flirty with Spencer. It's a good thing he has Jon to point these things out to him - Smiths can be kinda dense when it comes to love (witness Ryan and Brendon - Spencer doesn't think there's any way Brendon could be more obvious, and yet Ryan remains completely oblivious).
Not that this is love. Because it totally isn't. It's just. They like each other, right? And they're good friends. And Jon can, wow, Jon can kiss really well. And the sex is pretty amazing, even better than it was with Brendon when they were sixteen and Brendon could read his mind and know exactly what he wanted, how he felt, even if he couldn't exactly form the words at the moment. The fact that Jon can do that without any psychic ability is kinda, wow. Just. Wow. But this is totally not love. Spencer's sure of that. Pretty sure. Eighty, seventy-five percent sure. Not love. Just friendship and attraction and really great sex. Yeah.
(Though oh god, he doesn't know what the hell he's going to do if Jon decides to break this off, because maybe Spencer's become kind of addicted to Jon and maybe he isn't really all that sure he could possibly ever give him up? Plus, of course, the whole awkwardness of being in a band with someone you used to date. Not that that's ever been much of a problem with Brendon, and they used to sleep together. Er. In a platonic way. Well. Most recently it was in a platonic way, though when they were younger- Yeah. Okay. Spencer's pretty sure Jon's not allowed to break up with him, for the good of the band. And Spencer's sanity. Yes.)
But... maybe Spencer tends to curl into Jon a bit more often than he used to. Maybe he tends to uncurl from Brendon or Ryan or Brent just to curl around Jon when he sits down. And. After a month or two, maybe he starts going and seeking out Jon so he can drag him over to the couch or the squashy armchair and curl up around him from the start. Which is completely and totally logical, really, since he can't expect Ryan to catch a clue about Brendon if he doesn't really think to differentiate between Spencer and Brendon in his head. Also, Spencer fits better against Jon than he does against the others. Nice and comfy and mmmmJonsmell.
Jon Walker, Spencer has discovered, has a very special, unique smell. Ryan kinda smells a lot like Spencer, because they grew up in the same house, with the same laundry detergent, the same dryer sheets, and they shared a room for nearly thirteen years. There really isn't any way for them to not smell the same. And Brendon pretty much smells like Ryan these days, since they're practically attached at the hip (it's kinda seriously disturbing at times but also unspeakably adorable, so Spencer keeps his opinions to himself). But Jon. Jon doesn't smell like any of them, doesn't smell like heat and desert and dryness - like Ryan and Brendon and Spencer. Jon smells like... Like coffee and Dylan and crisp, cool evenings and worn leather flip-flops. Like Jon. Spencer loves the way Jon smells, and he tries to bury himself in it, to hide and pull it over him, making it his smell too, so that he's not just a part of Spencer-and-Ryan anymore, so that he's just Spencer (though some piece of him points out that if he takes Jon's smell, then he'll just be a part of Jon-and-Spencer, but Spencer squashes that voice. Spencer doesn't put up with dissent among the ranks, even in his head).
Brendon keeps asking when Spencer is going to finally admit to his passionate love for all things Jon Walker. After hitting Brendon in in the arm several times, then jabbing his knuckle right in that one soft spot on Brendon's upper arm, right below the shoulder, and still failing to shut him up, Spencer mostly just ignores him, though sometimes he'll jerk around with a glare and hiss, "It's not love. It's just good friendship and really great sex." That usually leads to Brendon snickering and burying his face against Ryan, trying to muffle his guffaws. Ryan usually smirks at Spencer and pulls Brendon closer, which. Seriously. What is with those two? Jon says they're in love, and okay, yeah, Spencer will grant him that, but. But why are they not having sex? It's disturbing. Sex is fun. Particularly sex with Jon. Who Spencer isn't offering to share so shut up, Brendon. And Ryan is totally oblivious to Brendon's complete devotion to all things Ryan. It is hard to appreciate Joncuddles when Spencer keeps wanting to give Brendon hugs. Not that Spencer Smith hugs people. Because he totally doesn't. Unless they are Ryan and then only when he really needs it. Spencer Smith is Tough.
So Tough that he doesn't do schmoopy things like fall in love with the friend he happens to be sleeping with. And cuddling with. And making out with. And totally shagging. Others might not be able to withstand the intense awesome of Jon Walker, but Spencer is a Tough and Fearsome Force. Plus, he has, y'know, hips. No one can ever make him do anything he doesn't want to do, not when he can just cock his hips like so. The look Jon gets whenever he does that is kinda really amazing. Spencer likes to cock his hips around Jon, just to see that look. It makes him feel like he's the only thing in Jon's world, central and special and all Jon can think of. It gives Spencer a really heady feeling.
Then they save this busload of college cheerleaders (and what is with aliens and cheerleaders, anyway?) and they're all blonde and buxom and curvy with fucking girl hips. They seem to think Panic! are wonderful and they fling and drape themselves all over them. Well. All over Jon and Brent and Ryan - they try to attack Brendon as well, but he runs and hides behind Ryan. Brendon appreciates women and everything, but he can only handle so many breasts at one time - they're a bit frightening. He's so lucky he has Ryan to glare at them and frighten them off for him. Enthusiastic as the girls are with the other guys, nary a one of them tries to give Spencer hugs. Not that Spencer wants a 20-something giggly blonde squishing her C-cups against him or anything and he dares them to even try, just dares them. Also, maybe he glares rather nastily whenever they get too close and they giggle nervously and pat his head and hurry off to try and convince Ryan to hand over Brendon.
Jon doesn't glare or protest their treatment of him at all. He and Brent laugh - laugh - and smile and talk with them and Jon takes their pictures and they all love him best and think he's the most fabulous thing ever and god, they're such ditzes, Spencer can't take it anymore, he stomps off to to his room in the car, slamming several doors on his way there for good measure, crawls under the covers on his bed and curls up in a ball. Stupid fucking cheerleaders with their short skirts and perfect figures and great legs and breasts and fucking girl hips. Spencer can't compete with girl hips, it's not fair.
He sniffles (sniffles!) and gulps and oh. Oh damn. It's suddenly occurred to Spencer that he's maybe a little bit in love with Jon Walker.
Which stupid because dopey, idiotic, silly, wonderful Jon Walker would much rather flirt with buxom blondes than pay any attention to Spencer, who's just, y'know, that guy he's sleeping with. And Spencer could totally do better! (Though Spencer immediately offers Jon a mental apology for that one because Jon's pretty damned awesome.) Spencer curls up even tighter under the covers. His life sucks.
Spencer ends up crying himself to sleep and when he wakes up, he feels... a lot better, actually. Still a bit tired and all cried out and he really shouldn't feel good, since he's pretty sure he realized earlier how utterly doomed and pathetic he was when it came to his love life right before falling to sleep, but right now... Right now he feels blissfully calm and at peace and mmmm warm which is nice and he snuggles up closer to Jon and OH SHIT JON.
He maybe accidentally says the last bit out loud.
"Yeah, me, hi," Jon says, smiling that easy, wonderful, fabulous smile of his and nuzzling Spencer's neck. It's kind of really great and then Spencer remembers that oh, right, he's maybe a little bit in love with Jon. Possibly a lot. And his stomach suddenly feels very queasy and uncomfortable because ugh, he's not going to be that guy who's really far gone on someone and can't say anything because it'll ruin a great friendship so he just keeps on with the pointless (but fun!) sex and it slowly kills him inside and alright, that's it. Spencer's putting his foot down on how many angsty, heart-wrenching movies Ryan's allowed to watch in a week. Ugh.
Spencer means to says something mean and bitchy, something that'll hurt Jon just as much as Spencer was hurt earlier when Jon did nothing about those cheerleaders flinging themselves at him. Instead, he asks, what time it is, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he scoots himself into a sitting position. He wants to say something cruel, but he doesn't because, well. He's a bit in love with Jon.
"A bit past four," Jon replies, sitting up when Spencer does, and leaning against him. "Are you alright? You left pretty quickly earlier, and." He stops and bites his lip, glancing up at Spencer's face. It suddenly occurs to Spencer that his eyes are probably still puffy and crusty and it's maybe completely clear that he was crying before he fell asleep.
"I'm fine," Spencer says. He tries to force a laugh, but it catches in his throat and Jon's still staring at him and Spencer suddenly finds he can't really breathe.
Jon frowns. "Spencer..." he starts, reaching for Spencer's hand, but Spencer shies away and laughs again, an awkward, nervous, self-depreciating laugh.
"So, um." Another laugh and god, he sounds like an idiot. "So. I think might be kind of totally in love with you," Spencer says in a rush, and then winces, because that is not what he meant to say, honestly. It just spilled out. Word vomit, only not, but fuck, now he thinks he maybe really will vomit because he feels sick to his stomach and queasy and he kind of really, really wishes they'd just left those blasted cheerleaders to their fate. Spencer starts to slide off the bed, intent on escape.
But it's kind of hard to escape when Jon's hugging him from behind. "Hey. Yeah, I know," Jon murmurs against that back of Spencer's neck. "I mean, um. It was. Well. You're kind of not obvious? At all, I mean. Only, uh. Brendon said you probably were, and he was like, ninety-eight percent sure, though he wanted to say one hundred percent, only Ryan said to be scientifically proper he should leave a margin for error and shit, I didn't mean to tell you all that." He laughs, and his laugh is nothing like Spencer's nervous one. It's mocking but also cheerful and kind and Spencer maybe falls a little bit more in love with Jon when he hears it.
"Oh, Spencer Smith, what you do to me," Jon says affectionately, gently turning Spencer's head and kissing him lightly, sweetly.
Spencer squirms around and kisses back and he is totally not blushing. He doesn't blush. Brendon blushes, Jon blushes, Ryan blushes, and even Brent blushes on occasion, but Spencer does not blush. Ever. He's just... feeling a bit flushed. That's all. Yes. "So... you're okay with that, then?" he asks a bit nervously, because if Jon's known about it for a while, it sure sounds a lot like Jon's okay with the whole Spencer maybe being a bit in love with him, but Spencer still needs to make sure. Just in case. "Because if you're not, we can, um. I mean, I'm totally okay with sleeping on the couch. It's cool. Really." In reality, he isn't okay with it at all but he isn't going to tell Jon that, not if Jon's about to fucking break his heart or something, the bastard.
Jon pulls him back onto the bed all the way, cuddling him. "Dude. I kinda abandoned my job and my best friend to tag along after you and your band. I've moved all my stuff into the back of your car - hell, I've moved in my cat. If that's not a sign of complete and total commitment, I don't know what is." Never mind that Dylan's totally abandoned him for Brendon, traitorous feline that he is. It's the concept of the thing. "I've been in love with you for more than a year, I really don't think I'm going to be particularly upset about you loving me back."
"I. Oh," and Spencer is still not blushing, because he doesn't blush. His face just feels really hot. It's late July, of course he's hot. "That's, um. Nice to know."
Grinning, Jon turns him around the rest of the way and starts rubbing crusty eye gunk away from Spencer's eyes with his thumb. "You were crying earlier."
"Was not," Spencer insists petulantly.
"No, you totally were. You, Spencer Smith, were crying because you thought I was flirting with those cheerleaders. You were totally jealous of their girl hips." Spencer glares at him. He's quickly rethinking his earlier stance regarding Jon. Maybe he doesn't love Jon, not even a little bit, maybe he really hates him, because love and hate are very close and sometimes people get one confused with the other and- "I'll tell you a secret," Jon says, lips hovering right above Spencer's and dammit, when did Jon become immune to his death glare?? "Watching you storm away in a jealous rage was really, really hot." Oh god Spencer's ears have to be bright red right now but he honestly doesn't care because Jon's kissing him and Jon loves him and those damned cheerleaders can go fuck themselves for all Spencer cares. Or Brent, he thinks in a vague, charitable manner. Spencer's in the mood to be charitable.
Jon pulls away long enough to add, "And your hips are better than any girl hips, ever," and then they're kissing again and oh yeah, Spencer's definitely in a charitable mood.
It's at this point that Brendon starts wolf-whistling and hooting while Ryan groans and tells Jon to shut the door next time, he doesn't need to be this intimately acquainted with his brother's sex life. Brent rolls his eyes and closes the door, then takes Brendon and Ryan out for pizza because Brent is an awesome friend like that. Also, he's arranged to meet one of the cheerleaders at the pizza place. Saving the world totally gets him the girls. He likes that.
[ The first time Spencer Smith meets Martha Jones: ]
Panic! survives the Toclafane taking over the world, because if nothing else, they have the hearse and nothing can get into Black Belinda if Ryan doesn't want it to. They end up setting up a base in the mountains with Veronica and a bunch of other Weevils, because Brendon is pretty much BFFs with all Weevils ever. Jon introduces Weevils to coffee, and while they have a pretty good setup, it's something of a bittersweet victory, because they can't help but upset about all the people who died, all the people they weren't able to save. Like Ryan and Spencer's parents, though their little sisters somehow managed to survive and are living in the mountains with them. No one's heard anything about Brent though, and they're worried, but they can't think of any way to check up on him without alerting the Toclafane to their presence. And every morning Spencer has to keep himself from telling Ryan to open his watch.
Sara Jane took Spencer aside once when he was fifteen and told him that if things ever got really bad, nigh on end of the world bad, he should have Ryan open the watch - but only if it was end of the world bad. And Spencer really isn't sure if this counts as the end of the world or not, and he's worried because maybe Ryan's supposed to save them all only he can't because Spencer's dragging his feet. But he's also worried that if Ryan opens the watch, then he won't be Ryan anymore, and Spencer doesn't know if he can survive the end of the world without Ryan. Or if he would want to survive it if doing so means no more Ryan. He curls up next to Jon and wibbles and has nightly existential crises.
Then one day a Susie runs up and tugs on Spencer's arm (even though she's totally too old to be doing things like that now, but she was hit hard by their parents' death and maybe now she and Stacey totally treat Spencer and Ryan like pseudo-parents while Jon and Brendon get to be awesome uncles) and says there's a woman at the edge of the camp and she says she has a message from cousin Sarah.
Spencer goes stiff, because why would Sarah Jane send someone to them with a message in the middle of all this craziness unless the message is to open the watch, and he really, really doesn't want to do that. Ryan, on the other hand, thinks that maybe Sarah Jane has sent a message saying how she is his mother! Or something. Since it's the end of the world and maybe she's finally decided to 'fes up. So even though Spencer wants to ignore the presence of the stranger, he can't because Ryan's already telling Susie to take him to the woman. Spencer wants to stop time, find Jon, and curl up in a little ball for a few weeks before doing anything, but Ryan has yet to build a time machine so alas, that will not be happening.
Spencer reluctantly follows Ryan and Susie down the mountain to the edge of their camp to see what the woman wants. He mostly stands behind the other two and glowers threateningly at the stranger, because Spencer has a fearsome glower and it has gotten even scarier since he has had to be responsible for his sisters as well as Ryan (all the Smith kids look up to Spencer when their parents die, even Ryan, which is hard on Spencer, because he has to be a parent to Brendon too, and he's so very glad that Jon doesn't need parenting as well). The woman introduces herself as Martha Jones and says she'd like to talk to everyone in the camp eventually (because Panic! and the girls aren't the only humans there, there are other people too - one of Brendon's sisters, some random kids and adults that they've rescued, and, weirdly, Ray), but first she has a message to deliver to a Mr. Smith from his cousin Sarah Jane.
Ryan starts to talk, but Spencer steps stiffly forward and Ryan closes his mouth. "Our father's dead," Spencer tells Martha Jones, and oh it hurts to say that, just like it hurts every time he says it, but the ache is a dull one, and he doesn't really notice it any more. "If you have a message from Sarah Jane, you can tell it to me." Ryan starts to protest, because he feels that he has every right to hear it too, since he's pretty darn sure this has to do with him, but Spencer shoots him this look, and Ryan goes quiet, because if he's learned anything over the past eight months, it's that the time to argue with Spencer is past. Spencer is the reason they're still alive now (because Black Belinda only really saved them from the initial attack, Spencer's leadership is what's kept them alive and kicking ever since), and Ryan has to recognize and respect that. Not that it means he has to like it or anything - he glowers back at Spencer.
Martha watches their silent exchange with interest, watches as Ryan takes Susie's hand and practically flounces up the hill, grumbling to himself. Once they can't hear Ryan's grumbles any longer, she turns back to Spencer. "Sarah Jane said that if I managed to find her cousin in Las Vegas, I should tell him, 'Not yet.'" She says the words very carefully, and it's clear to Spencer that she doesn't understand what they mean. "But that if this," and here she gestures all around, but mostly at the sky, and Spencer understands she means the Toclafane and the Master's rule, "lasts into next June, to do it no matter what." Martha fixes Spencer with a look, hands on her hips. "Now, Mr. Smith, please tell me you understand what the cryptic message means," she says.
"Spencer," he says automatically, "Mr. Smith was my father." He can feel himself relaxing, because June means he has at least five months before he has to make a decision about anything, and even though five months would've seemed like nothing a year ago, it's practically forever these days. "And yeah, I get it. C'mon, let's go up to the camp proper. You can get something to eat and say what you need to say to the troops." She nods and follows him as he starts hiking up.
"You've done pretty well, surviving the initial attack and managing to set up this place away from the Toclafane," Martha comments as they reach the outskirts of the camp proper. "What's the camp population?"
Spencer shrugs. "Thirty-two humans - though a lot of them are little kids and teenagers - and sixteen Weevils." The Weevils are a godsend, really. They're great with the kids and it's only thanks to them that he and the other guys don't have to worry about babysitting duty all the time. Of course, Brendon and Jon volunteer all the time to look after the kids, but they really like kids, while Spencer just tolerates them. He thinks that he might enjoy looking after them, though, under different circumstances.
Martha lets out a low whistle. "You have Weevils here too? Huh. That's surprising, there's not much love for non-humans these days." She steps to the side as a half-naked little boy runs past, shrieking with laughter. Veronica lumbers after him, growling the growl of the long suffering and put upon.
"Yeah, it's different for people who's first alien experience was with Them," Spencer says with a nod. They don't need to ask who he's talking about. No one says the name of the Toclafane, it's become sort of taboo, but everyone knows who you're talking about when you mention Them. It's like you can hear the capitalization.
"Yours wasn't?" Martha asks, raising an eyebrow.
Spencer grins. "Cheer coach with razor-sharp teeth and eyes on stalks tried to eat one of my best friends when I was sixteen," he tells her. Not that he and Brendon were all that close when the incident with the cheer coach happened, but it was a bonding experience. You never forget your first life-or-death situation. "My friends and I had a sort of... Extraterrestrial troubleshooting group before all this went down," he explains.
"I was in a hospital that got kidnapped by Judoon and sent to the moon a while back," Martha counters. "Had to keep a Plasmavore from killing half the planet."
"That's gotta be tough. We kinda kept to small stuff, though we sorta traveled all over the country for a while." Spencer misses traveling, even though half the time they were going insane inside the car, what with Brendon singing Disney songs and Ryan getting all jittery and wanting to make something, anything. They were on the road when they picked up Jon. Spencer has a soft spot for traveling.
That evening Spencer stays at the back of the crowd, leaning against Jon as everyone stands in hushed silence, listening to Martha Jones talk about the Doctor, talk about hope, and he makes a decision. When Martha finishes, Spencer turns and presses a gentle kiss to Jon's cheek, squeezing his hand. "I have to do something. I'll see you later," he says, and Jon nods and tells him to keep safe. It's something they've taken to always saying, even if they have no intention of leaving the camp. A little extra safety never hurts nowadays.
It doesn't take Spencer long to find Ryan, nor to find Martha afterwards. She's somehow managed to separate herself from all the people who want to ask her questions, and is sitting on a log, staring up at the stars. "Hey," he says quietly as he sits down beside her.
"Hey," she says back, not glancing at him. "You've done a good job with these people, Spencer Smith. You've kept them strong and fighting and full of hope."
He colors slightly, ducks his head. "Thanks, but everyone helped." She snorts, but he presses on before she can say anything. "Martha. I have to- The Doctor," he says, then pauses, trying to think of how to say this. "He's... not human, is he?"
"Does it really matter?" she asks, finally looking at him.
"Yeah. Yeah, it kinda really does," he says in a hushed tone. "Because, if he's not, then I think he might be the one Sarah Jane mentioned once, and." Spencer gulps. "And I need to know. If you've ever seen something like this." His fingers uncurl reluctantly, revealing the watch he borrowed from Ryan only a little earlier. He's sure it has to mean something, even though he never really thought about it before Sarah Jane mentioned it when he was fifteen. Brendon once said that the watch whispered secrets to him, in a language he couldn't understand but which was beautiful and haunting like an aching melody.
There's a sharp intake of breath, and Spencer doesn't have to even see Martha's face to know that she recognizes the watch. "Where did you get that," she demands, and it's not even a question, really. "It's not yours, is it?"
Spencer shakes his head vigorously. "No, no. Of course not. It's. It's my brother's. Ryan's." He glances at her anxiously. "You know what it is, then?"
Martha delicately takes the watch from Spencer, careful not to open it. "It's... a key. And a treasure chest. All in one," she says, and Spencer can tell that she's picking her words just as carefully as she picked up the watch. "I've seen two others before. The first one held something wonderful, and the second one something terrible."
"Please, I have to know," Spencer says anxiously. "What'll happen to Ryan if he opens it?"
She bites her lip and hands the watch back, shaking her head. "I don't know, Spencer. The Doctor might, but." She sighs and shakes her head again. "Not me. I'm sorry."
"Brendon said once that it sometimes sings to him," Spencer whispers, staring down at the seemingly innocuous timepiece. "Or maybe it was that it talks. He has a hard time differentiating between the two when it comes to thoughts, sometimes. But. He said that it sings, and it's beautiful but sad. Lonely."
Martha scoots closer and squeezes Spencer's arm. "I'll ask the Doctor when I see him," she tells him, and Spencer nods dumbly, because he almost doesn't want her to. "You make sure to keep that safe in the meantime," she orders. "You're holding someone's life in your hands."
Spencer nods again. He doesn't need her to tell him that - he knows that Ryan's life isn't the only one that hinges on whatever's inside the watch. He knows he'll quiz her on the details about the watch before she leaves, force her to abandon her cryptic remarks and tell him straight-out what the watch means. He also knows he can't do it right now, he doesn't have the strength for it.
The second time Spencer Smith meets Martha Jones, he doesn't remember their first meeting, because it never happened.
[ Brendon doesn't deal well with deadlines: ]
As the message is for him (for his father, technically, but really for any Smith who understands what it means), Spencer doesn't tell Ryan or Jon what Martha told him. But he does tell Brendon, because it's something Brendon deserves to hear.
Brendon's response is not what Spencer expects. "Good," he says when Spencer explains that, if this goes on for more than a year, Sarah Jane says the watch should be opened. "It needs to be done."
"He might change when it happens," Spencer cautions, because it's not really an 'if' in his mind anymore. "He might not remember us."
And yeah, Brendon looks worried at that, but there's still a determined set to his jaw. "You don't have to hear it, Spencer. You don't have to hear how lonely it is, how scared. How beautiful the music is - and the music is beautiful, but it can't share it with anyone, not really," Brendon says.
"Brendon...?" Spencer knows Brendon doesn't like to talk about what he hears from the watch, and it's surprising that he's volunteering the information now.
"There's a bit of Ryan inside, isn't there?" asks Brendon, and Spencer nods, because he's figured that much out from Sarah Jane's cryptic words over the years.
"It's..." Spencer sighs, because he's not sure how much Brendon knows, how much the watch has told him, how much he understands. "He's not human, Brendon."
From the look on Brendon's face, it's clear that that isn't what he expected to hear. "What?"
"Ryan. He isn't human. He's... well. I think he might be what the Master is."
"Ryan's not-!"
"Not like how he is, god. Well. At least I hope he isn't," Spencer says, rubbing his face. "Martha told me that the Master had a watch like Ryan's, and he went nearly his entire life without realizing what it was, and he was a nice guy, a really nice old man. Then he opened the watch and he changed." He doesn't say how the man - creature - alien - called the Master changed. They both know all too well - they're living it.
"Ryan wouldn't change like that," Brendon says stubbornly, glaring at Spencer. "The thing in the watch, it's not like that. It's a scared little kid, a little boy who just wants his mother. He doesn't want to hurt anyone."
"Brendon. It's not- Have you ever read The Treasure Box?" Spencer asks. Brendon bites is lip, glances away, and Spencer knows the answer is yes. "Just because it says it's your friend, just because it seems safe, that doesn't mean it is. There's a reason why opening the watch has always been a thing of last resort."
Brendon gulps and nods. "I know. I know, honestly I do. I just... I don't want to believe it is all," he mutters. "Thanks for telling me about the deadline," he says after a few minutes. "I really appreciate it." And even though he tells Spencer that he doesn't believe Ryan will change, even though he tells himself that he sincerely believes Ryan'll stay exactly the same, Brendon now feels like the deadline isn't so much one for Ryan as one for him. Like there's a deadline on a part of his life that never had a deadline before.
Which is why, when Ryan crawls into bed that night, Brendon presses up close to him and says a little breathlessly, "Ryan, Ryan Smith, I'm going to kiss you now because we could die at any moment and I've maybe kinda totally been a bit in love with you since junior year." And he frames Ryan's face and kisses him as hard as he can, as thoroughly as he can because. Because yeah, he's read The Treasure Box and he believes Spencer when he says Martha said Ryan might change completely, and Brendon'll be damned if he'll let that happen without his ever telling Ryan how he feels, without doing something.
Ryan's obviously surprised by the kiss, but he even if he doesn't return it, he also doesn't fight against it, and he's gone kind of slack-jawed so it's no trouble for Brendon to sneak his tongue in to explore Ryan's mouth like he's wanted to do for years.
When he pulls back, Brendon's panting slightly, and he just stares at Ryan and tries to summon some sort of- of courage or something, because god he just kissed Ryan, it's not like he's got anything else left to lose, really. "...Ryan?" he asks shakily. Ryan's just staring at him and not saying anything and. "Ryan, you have to say something, because, god, I'm totally freaking out here and I need to know if you're okay with this or if you want me to leave and go spend the night with, I dunno, Ray or Susie or someone, because I totally will, if that's what you-"
"Brendon. You talk too much. Shut up," Ryan says and oh god he's kissing Brendon now and this, this has to be a dream and it's the best damned dream Brendon's ever had and he hopes he never wakes up ever. Brendon's hands are twisting the front of Ryan's shirt, twisting and digging and tugging and he whines, begging because he wants Ryan closer, wants to eliminate any space, any air still between them, and he wants it now.
Unfortunately, air is kinda hard to do away with completely, since they still need to breathe, and yeah, okay, Brendon's definitely gotten better at this since when he was seventeen, but it's really hard to remember mechanics and technicalities and complicated things like breathing through his nose when he's kissing Ryan Smith. So they end up breaking apart after a few minutes, both of them flushed and panting for breath. Ryan takes advantage of them being apart to grab the hem of Brendon's shirt and tug it up over his head and off. "Fucking finally, Urie," he grumbles, eyes bright in the darkness of their room.
Brendon blinks, peering at him and kinda really wishing he still had his glasses on so he could really see Ryan. "Um, what?" he asks, voice breaking nervously.
"Five years," Ryan mutters, pulling off his own shirt and pressing up close against Brendon again, arms around Brendon's torso, mouth presses against Brendon's neck as he talks. "Five years of- of happiness and wonder and confusion and anxiety and, and everything." He pulls back slightly, staring at Brendon with somewhat-pained eyes. "Why didn't you do something sooner?" he asks plaintively.
"Wait, what?" Brendon asks, honestly confused now, because. Because near as he can figure, this is Ryan's roundabout way of saying that yeah, he's maybe been in love with Brendon for just as long as Brendon has been with him and it's Brendon's fault that they've been sorta awkwardly stuck in a platonic cuddle rut for most of that time. "Don't you try and pin the blame for this taking so long on me, Ryan Smith," he says sternly, frowning. "I kissed you first."
Ryan flushes and ducks his head and suddenly he's not this hot-handed, hormone-driven grump, suddenly he's just Ryan. Ryan who's always looked a bit confused and lost when confronted with Spencer and Jon pressed close together and trying to eat each other's faces off. Ryan who of course understands the concept of physical attraction and acts of affection but who's never got them. Not really. And Brendon remembers why he's been fine with just sleeping next to Ryan for the past three, four years. "...oh," he says softly. "You, um. You really didn't get it. Did you?" he asks, reaching out and gently stroking Ryan's cheek.
Ryan presses into Brendon's hand, practically purring at the touch. "Sorry," he mumbles. "It was. I mean, god, it seems so obvious to me now, but I." He shrugs. "It didn't before? I just didn't make the connection, and. Sorry."
And Brendon believes him, because bright as Ryan is - and really, Ryan's an absolute genius, everyone has always said so, even Andy (and Brendon bites his lip and sends up a silent prayer that Andy and FOB and all the others they've met over the years are alright) - when he doesn't see something, he just doesn't see it. He doesn't think of it, doesn't consider it, it doesn't even occur to him in the remotest sense. Like how he's completely oblivious to just how brilliant and amazing he is. "Hey. It's okay," Brendon says quietly, leaning their foreheads together. "You get it now, and, hey. I do too. Everything's going to work out." He smiles softly, warmly.
The smile Ryan gives in return is shy and weak. Nervous. Scared. "It might not. The world right now..." His eyes get a strange look in them, like he's stepping back and looking at everything from a great distance. It's something Ryan does sometimes, and it's so disconcerting that Brendon unconsciously shivers. "The world isn't right," Ryan says with a frown. "It's. There's something broken. The Master did something and it. Broke. It's not working right. I don't know... I don't know how to fix it, Brendon, and people are getting hurt, people are dying, have died, and I want to be doing something, I should be doing something, but I don't know what, don't know how to do it, and it's." He growls with frustration and shakes his head slightly, angrily.
It's like watching a small child who's trying to tie his shoe and getting frustrated because he just doesn't have the dexterity to manage it, Brendon thinks. Ryan knows he can save the world, but he just... doesn't know how. He's missing some vital component, some important thing, and it's driving him up the wall. Even if this is all fixed before they reach Sarah Jane's deadline of June, Brendon thinks he might still make Ryan open the watch. Because he doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve to be constantly reaching for something he can't quite grasp. And if Ryan turns out to be as bad as the Master, if he just ends up destroying the world the rest of the way, Brendon thinks it just might be worth it.
Brendon swallows nervously and bites his lip, because it occurs to him that if he's willing to let a world die just so that Ryan can be happy, he's probably a lot more than "a bit" in love with Ryan. Leaning forward slightly, he kisses Ryan, a gentle, chaste pressing together of their lips. "Everything's going to work out," Brendon says again. "You're going to fix it, I know you are."
"Brendon..."
"No, Ryan, this is one thing you're not allowed to argue with me about. You're going to save the world. I'll make sure of it," he says fiercely, because he doesn't know about Martha Jones' Doctor, doesn't know what he can manage, but he does know Ryan. Ryan can fix anything.
Ryan laughs and shakes his head, burying his face against Brendon's neck. "God. Only you would say something so- so-"
"Truthful?" Brendon suggests, and they both laugh this time, long and low and Brendon sighs contentedly. The world's ending all around him, but somehow, somehow when he's lying pressed up against Ryan it really does seem like it's all going to work out in the end. Smiling, he snuggles up and closes his eyes. Maybe they'll get lucky, and one day they'll wake up and find that all of this was just a bad dream.
It could happen. Right now, anything seems possible.
[ The year that never was: ]
In the end, Martha Jones' Doctor does save the world, but no one realizes it. No one knows it except for Martha and her Doctor and a small handful of others, most of them members of Martha's family.
It turns out that Ryan was right about there being something wrong with the world, something broken. The Master was able to do what he did because he'd built a paradox machine, something that would allow two timelines to coexist simultaneously, allow the people from the future of one timeline to come back and destroy their ancestors without destroying themselves. When the machine is unplugged and dismantled, the past year is destroyed as well, along everything that'd happened since the moment the Toclafane arrived and began their reign of terror under the Master's command. Everything goes back to square one, and, while all the dead are alive again (Spencer and Ryan's parents, Brendon's family, Jon's cat, Brent Wilson, the Way brothers, all of them), all that happened during that year, during the year that never was, it vanishes, ceases to be, never took place.
All of it.
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 7 | part 8
Summary, disclaimers, notes, etc., can be found in part 1.
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 7 | part 8
[ Spencer doesn't know what's up with aliens and cheerleaders: ]
It's just... Jon and Spencer are this really solid, comfortable thing, y'know?
Spencer feels at ease around Jon, and part of the reason he's so pissy with Jon near the start is that he doesn't know why he feels so comfortable around him, and it freaks him out, so he ends up being grumpy and short with Jon. Luckily, Jon is an easy-going guy, and full of awesome because of his magical groupie powers, so he is easily able to survive Spencer's death glares of doom until they become less and less frequent and pretty soon they're friends and then one day a giant wasp touches down and nearly succeeds in laying its (lethal, host-consuming) eggs in Jon, and Spencer kinda maybe freaks and goes kamikaze on its ass. Jon thinks it might be time to make a move, which he does the next morning when he's no longer freaking out about the big bug that tried to shove its ovipositor into him.
Kissing Spencer Smith is just as amazing as Jon predicted it would be eight months ago. Totally worth the wait.
But the thing is that Spencer's kinda been saving Jon's ass from aliens for months now. And Jon usually returns the favor twice a week or so. It's not anything new or different, just like the way they tend to curl up around each other on the couch isn't really unusual. Someone they've become used to each other over the past eight, nine months. Comfortable. At ease. It just happens, and it's like Spencer suddenly realizes exactly where Ryan's coming from with his absolute obliviousness to the fact that Brendon is pretty much head-over-heels for him, because apparently Jon was really fucking obvious? At least, Spencer had thought he was, but he'd also thought Jon was just being, well. Jon. Friendly and flirty and an all-around nice guy. Spencer hadn't realized that yeah, Jon was friendly and an all-around nice guy with pretty much everyone, but he was only flirty with Spencer. It's a good thing he has Jon to point these things out to him - Smiths can be kinda dense when it comes to love (witness Ryan and Brendon - Spencer doesn't think there's any way Brendon could be more obvious, and yet Ryan remains completely oblivious).
Not that this is love. Because it totally isn't. It's just. They like each other, right? And they're good friends. And Jon can, wow, Jon can kiss really well. And the sex is pretty amazing, even better than it was with Brendon when they were sixteen and Brendon could read his mind and know exactly what he wanted, how he felt, even if he couldn't exactly form the words at the moment. The fact that Jon can do that without any psychic ability is kinda, wow. Just. Wow. But this is totally not love. Spencer's sure of that. Pretty sure. Eighty, seventy-five percent sure. Not love. Just friendship and attraction and really great sex. Yeah.
(Though oh god, he doesn't know what the hell he's going to do if Jon decides to break this off, because maybe Spencer's become kind of addicted to Jon and maybe he isn't really all that sure he could possibly ever give him up? Plus, of course, the whole awkwardness of being in a band with someone you used to date. Not that that's ever been much of a problem with Brendon, and they used to sleep together. Er. In a platonic way. Well. Most recently it was in a platonic way, though when they were younger- Yeah. Okay. Spencer's pretty sure Jon's not allowed to break up with him, for the good of the band. And Spencer's sanity. Yes.)
But... maybe Spencer tends to curl into Jon a bit more often than he used to. Maybe he tends to uncurl from Brendon or Ryan or Brent just to curl around Jon when he sits down. And. After a month or two, maybe he starts going and seeking out Jon so he can drag him over to the couch or the squashy armchair and curl up around him from the start. Which is completely and totally logical, really, since he can't expect Ryan to catch a clue about Brendon if he doesn't really think to differentiate between Spencer and Brendon in his head. Also, Spencer fits better against Jon than he does against the others. Nice and comfy and mmmmJonsmell.
Jon Walker, Spencer has discovered, has a very special, unique smell. Ryan kinda smells a lot like Spencer, because they grew up in the same house, with the same laundry detergent, the same dryer sheets, and they shared a room for nearly thirteen years. There really isn't any way for them to not smell the same. And Brendon pretty much smells like Ryan these days, since they're practically attached at the hip (it's kinda seriously disturbing at times but also unspeakably adorable, so Spencer keeps his opinions to himself). But Jon. Jon doesn't smell like any of them, doesn't smell like heat and desert and dryness - like Ryan and Brendon and Spencer. Jon smells like... Like coffee and Dylan and crisp, cool evenings and worn leather flip-flops. Like Jon. Spencer loves the way Jon smells, and he tries to bury himself in it, to hide and pull it over him, making it his smell too, so that he's not just a part of Spencer-and-Ryan anymore, so that he's just Spencer (though some piece of him points out that if he takes Jon's smell, then he'll just be a part of Jon-and-Spencer, but Spencer squashes that voice. Spencer doesn't put up with dissent among the ranks, even in his head).
Brendon keeps asking when Spencer is going to finally admit to his passionate love for all things Jon Walker. After hitting Brendon in in the arm several times, then jabbing his knuckle right in that one soft spot on Brendon's upper arm, right below the shoulder, and still failing to shut him up, Spencer mostly just ignores him, though sometimes he'll jerk around with a glare and hiss, "It's not love. It's just good friendship and really great sex." That usually leads to Brendon snickering and burying his face against Ryan, trying to muffle his guffaws. Ryan usually smirks at Spencer and pulls Brendon closer, which. Seriously. What is with those two? Jon says they're in love, and okay, yeah, Spencer will grant him that, but. But why are they not having sex? It's disturbing. Sex is fun. Particularly sex with Jon. Who Spencer isn't offering to share so shut up, Brendon. And Ryan is totally oblivious to Brendon's complete devotion to all things Ryan. It is hard to appreciate Joncuddles when Spencer keeps wanting to give Brendon hugs. Not that Spencer Smith hugs people. Because he totally doesn't. Unless they are Ryan and then only when he really needs it. Spencer Smith is Tough.
So Tough that he doesn't do schmoopy things like fall in love with the friend he happens to be sleeping with. And cuddling with. And making out with. And totally shagging. Others might not be able to withstand the intense awesome of Jon Walker, but Spencer is a Tough and Fearsome Force. Plus, he has, y'know, hips. No one can ever make him do anything he doesn't want to do, not when he can just cock his hips like so. The look Jon gets whenever he does that is kinda really amazing. Spencer likes to cock his hips around Jon, just to see that look. It makes him feel like he's the only thing in Jon's world, central and special and all Jon can think of. It gives Spencer a really heady feeling.
Then they save this busload of college cheerleaders (and what is with aliens and cheerleaders, anyway?) and they're all blonde and buxom and curvy with fucking girl hips. They seem to think Panic! are wonderful and they fling and drape themselves all over them. Well. All over Jon and Brent and Ryan - they try to attack Brendon as well, but he runs and hides behind Ryan. Brendon appreciates women and everything, but he can only handle so many breasts at one time - they're a bit frightening. He's so lucky he has Ryan to glare at them and frighten them off for him. Enthusiastic as the girls are with the other guys, nary a one of them tries to give Spencer hugs. Not that Spencer wants a 20-something giggly blonde squishing her C-cups against him or anything and he dares them to even try, just dares them. Also, maybe he glares rather nastily whenever they get too close and they giggle nervously and pat his head and hurry off to try and convince Ryan to hand over Brendon.
Jon doesn't glare or protest their treatment of him at all. He and Brent laugh - laugh - and smile and talk with them and Jon takes their pictures and they all love him best and think he's the most fabulous thing ever and god, they're such ditzes, Spencer can't take it anymore, he stomps off to to his room in the car, slamming several doors on his way there for good measure, crawls under the covers on his bed and curls up in a ball. Stupid fucking cheerleaders with their short skirts and perfect figures and great legs and breasts and fucking girl hips. Spencer can't compete with girl hips, it's not fair.
He sniffles (sniffles!) and gulps and oh. Oh damn. It's suddenly occurred to Spencer that he's maybe a little bit in love with Jon Walker.
Which stupid because dopey, idiotic, silly, wonderful Jon Walker would much rather flirt with buxom blondes than pay any attention to Spencer, who's just, y'know, that guy he's sleeping with. And Spencer could totally do better! (Though Spencer immediately offers Jon a mental apology for that one because Jon's pretty damned awesome.) Spencer curls up even tighter under the covers. His life sucks.
Spencer ends up crying himself to sleep and when he wakes up, he feels... a lot better, actually. Still a bit tired and all cried out and he really shouldn't feel good, since he's pretty sure he realized earlier how utterly doomed and pathetic he was when it came to his love life right before falling to sleep, but right now... Right now he feels blissfully calm and at peace and mmmm warm which is nice and he snuggles up closer to Jon and OH SHIT JON.
He maybe accidentally says the last bit out loud.
"Yeah, me, hi," Jon says, smiling that easy, wonderful, fabulous smile of his and nuzzling Spencer's neck. It's kind of really great and then Spencer remembers that oh, right, he's maybe a little bit in love with Jon. Possibly a lot. And his stomach suddenly feels very queasy and uncomfortable because ugh, he's not going to be that guy who's really far gone on someone and can't say anything because it'll ruin a great friendship so he just keeps on with the pointless (but fun!) sex and it slowly kills him inside and alright, that's it. Spencer's putting his foot down on how many angsty, heart-wrenching movies Ryan's allowed to watch in a week. Ugh.
Spencer means to says something mean and bitchy, something that'll hurt Jon just as much as Spencer was hurt earlier when Jon did nothing about those cheerleaders flinging themselves at him. Instead, he asks, what time it is, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he scoots himself into a sitting position. He wants to say something cruel, but he doesn't because, well. He's a bit in love with Jon.
"A bit past four," Jon replies, sitting up when Spencer does, and leaning against him. "Are you alright? You left pretty quickly earlier, and." He stops and bites his lip, glancing up at Spencer's face. It suddenly occurs to Spencer that his eyes are probably still puffy and crusty and it's maybe completely clear that he was crying before he fell asleep.
"I'm fine," Spencer says. He tries to force a laugh, but it catches in his throat and Jon's still staring at him and Spencer suddenly finds he can't really breathe.
Jon frowns. "Spencer..." he starts, reaching for Spencer's hand, but Spencer shies away and laughs again, an awkward, nervous, self-depreciating laugh.
"So, um." Another laugh and god, he sounds like an idiot. "So. I think might be kind of totally in love with you," Spencer says in a rush, and then winces, because that is not what he meant to say, honestly. It just spilled out. Word vomit, only not, but fuck, now he thinks he maybe really will vomit because he feels sick to his stomach and queasy and he kind of really, really wishes they'd just left those blasted cheerleaders to their fate. Spencer starts to slide off the bed, intent on escape.
But it's kind of hard to escape when Jon's hugging him from behind. "Hey. Yeah, I know," Jon murmurs against that back of Spencer's neck. "I mean, um. It was. Well. You're kind of not obvious? At all, I mean. Only, uh. Brendon said you probably were, and he was like, ninety-eight percent sure, though he wanted to say one hundred percent, only Ryan said to be scientifically proper he should leave a margin for error and shit, I didn't mean to tell you all that." He laughs, and his laugh is nothing like Spencer's nervous one. It's mocking but also cheerful and kind and Spencer maybe falls a little bit more in love with Jon when he hears it.
"Oh, Spencer Smith, what you do to me," Jon says affectionately, gently turning Spencer's head and kissing him lightly, sweetly.
Spencer squirms around and kisses back and he is totally not blushing. He doesn't blush. Brendon blushes, Jon blushes, Ryan blushes, and even Brent blushes on occasion, but Spencer does not blush. Ever. He's just... feeling a bit flushed. That's all. Yes. "So... you're okay with that, then?" he asks a bit nervously, because if Jon's known about it for a while, it sure sounds a lot like Jon's okay with the whole Spencer maybe being a bit in love with him, but Spencer still needs to make sure. Just in case. "Because if you're not, we can, um. I mean, I'm totally okay with sleeping on the couch. It's cool. Really." In reality, he isn't okay with it at all but he isn't going to tell Jon that, not if Jon's about to fucking break his heart or something, the bastard.
Jon pulls him back onto the bed all the way, cuddling him. "Dude. I kinda abandoned my job and my best friend to tag along after you and your band. I've moved all my stuff into the back of your car - hell, I've moved in my cat. If that's not a sign of complete and total commitment, I don't know what is." Never mind that Dylan's totally abandoned him for Brendon, traitorous feline that he is. It's the concept of the thing. "I've been in love with you for more than a year, I really don't think I'm going to be particularly upset about you loving me back."
"I. Oh," and Spencer is still not blushing, because he doesn't blush. His face just feels really hot. It's late July, of course he's hot. "That's, um. Nice to know."
Grinning, Jon turns him around the rest of the way and starts rubbing crusty eye gunk away from Spencer's eyes with his thumb. "You were crying earlier."
"Was not," Spencer insists petulantly.
"No, you totally were. You, Spencer Smith, were crying because you thought I was flirting with those cheerleaders. You were totally jealous of their girl hips." Spencer glares at him. He's quickly rethinking his earlier stance regarding Jon. Maybe he doesn't love Jon, not even a little bit, maybe he really hates him, because love and hate are very close and sometimes people get one confused with the other and- "I'll tell you a secret," Jon says, lips hovering right above Spencer's and dammit, when did Jon become immune to his death glare?? "Watching you storm away in a jealous rage was really, really hot." Oh god Spencer's ears have to be bright red right now but he honestly doesn't care because Jon's kissing him and Jon loves him and those damned cheerleaders can go fuck themselves for all Spencer cares. Or Brent, he thinks in a vague, charitable manner. Spencer's in the mood to be charitable.
Jon pulls away long enough to add, "And your hips are better than any girl hips, ever," and then they're kissing again and oh yeah, Spencer's definitely in a charitable mood.
It's at this point that Brendon starts wolf-whistling and hooting while Ryan groans and tells Jon to shut the door next time, he doesn't need to be this intimately acquainted with his brother's sex life. Brent rolls his eyes and closes the door, then takes Brendon and Ryan out for pizza because Brent is an awesome friend like that. Also, he's arranged to meet one of the cheerleaders at the pizza place. Saving the world totally gets him the girls. He likes that.
[ The first time Spencer Smith meets Martha Jones: ]
Panic! survives the Toclafane taking over the world, because if nothing else, they have the hearse and nothing can get into Black Belinda if Ryan doesn't want it to. They end up setting up a base in the mountains with Veronica and a bunch of other Weevils, because Brendon is pretty much BFFs with all Weevils ever. Jon introduces Weevils to coffee, and while they have a pretty good setup, it's something of a bittersweet victory, because they can't help but upset about all the people who died, all the people they weren't able to save. Like Ryan and Spencer's parents, though their little sisters somehow managed to survive and are living in the mountains with them. No one's heard anything about Brent though, and they're worried, but they can't think of any way to check up on him without alerting the Toclafane to their presence. And every morning Spencer has to keep himself from telling Ryan to open his watch.
Sara Jane took Spencer aside once when he was fifteen and told him that if things ever got really bad, nigh on end of the world bad, he should have Ryan open the watch - but only if it was end of the world bad. And Spencer really isn't sure if this counts as the end of the world or not, and he's worried because maybe Ryan's supposed to save them all only he can't because Spencer's dragging his feet. But he's also worried that if Ryan opens the watch, then he won't be Ryan anymore, and Spencer doesn't know if he can survive the end of the world without Ryan. Or if he would want to survive it if doing so means no more Ryan. He curls up next to Jon and wibbles and has nightly existential crises.
Then one day a Susie runs up and tugs on Spencer's arm (even though she's totally too old to be doing things like that now, but she was hit hard by their parents' death and maybe now she and Stacey totally treat Spencer and Ryan like pseudo-parents while Jon and Brendon get to be awesome uncles) and says there's a woman at the edge of the camp and she says she has a message from cousin Sarah.
Spencer goes stiff, because why would Sarah Jane send someone to them with a message in the middle of all this craziness unless the message is to open the watch, and he really, really doesn't want to do that. Ryan, on the other hand, thinks that maybe Sarah Jane has sent a message saying how she is his mother! Or something. Since it's the end of the world and maybe she's finally decided to 'fes up. So even though Spencer wants to ignore the presence of the stranger, he can't because Ryan's already telling Susie to take him to the woman. Spencer wants to stop time, find Jon, and curl up in a little ball for a few weeks before doing anything, but Ryan has yet to build a time machine so alas, that will not be happening.
Spencer reluctantly follows Ryan and Susie down the mountain to the edge of their camp to see what the woman wants. He mostly stands behind the other two and glowers threateningly at the stranger, because Spencer has a fearsome glower and it has gotten even scarier since he has had to be responsible for his sisters as well as Ryan (all the Smith kids look up to Spencer when their parents die, even Ryan, which is hard on Spencer, because he has to be a parent to Brendon too, and he's so very glad that Jon doesn't need parenting as well). The woman introduces herself as Martha Jones and says she'd like to talk to everyone in the camp eventually (because Panic! and the girls aren't the only humans there, there are other people too - one of Brendon's sisters, some random kids and adults that they've rescued, and, weirdly, Ray), but first she has a message to deliver to a Mr. Smith from his cousin Sarah Jane.
Ryan starts to talk, but Spencer steps stiffly forward and Ryan closes his mouth. "Our father's dead," Spencer tells Martha Jones, and oh it hurts to say that, just like it hurts every time he says it, but the ache is a dull one, and he doesn't really notice it any more. "If you have a message from Sarah Jane, you can tell it to me." Ryan starts to protest, because he feels that he has every right to hear it too, since he's pretty darn sure this has to do with him, but Spencer shoots him this look, and Ryan goes quiet, because if he's learned anything over the past eight months, it's that the time to argue with Spencer is past. Spencer is the reason they're still alive now (because Black Belinda only really saved them from the initial attack, Spencer's leadership is what's kept them alive and kicking ever since), and Ryan has to recognize and respect that. Not that it means he has to like it or anything - he glowers back at Spencer.
Martha watches their silent exchange with interest, watches as Ryan takes Susie's hand and practically flounces up the hill, grumbling to himself. Once they can't hear Ryan's grumbles any longer, she turns back to Spencer. "Sarah Jane said that if I managed to find her cousin in Las Vegas, I should tell him, 'Not yet.'" She says the words very carefully, and it's clear to Spencer that she doesn't understand what they mean. "But that if this," and here she gestures all around, but mostly at the sky, and Spencer understands she means the Toclafane and the Master's rule, "lasts into next June, to do it no matter what." Martha fixes Spencer with a look, hands on her hips. "Now, Mr. Smith, please tell me you understand what the cryptic message means," she says.
"Spencer," he says automatically, "Mr. Smith was my father." He can feel himself relaxing, because June means he has at least five months before he has to make a decision about anything, and even though five months would've seemed like nothing a year ago, it's practically forever these days. "And yeah, I get it. C'mon, let's go up to the camp proper. You can get something to eat and say what you need to say to the troops." She nods and follows him as he starts hiking up.
"You've done pretty well, surviving the initial attack and managing to set up this place away from the Toclafane," Martha comments as they reach the outskirts of the camp proper. "What's the camp population?"
Spencer shrugs. "Thirty-two humans - though a lot of them are little kids and teenagers - and sixteen Weevils." The Weevils are a godsend, really. They're great with the kids and it's only thanks to them that he and the other guys don't have to worry about babysitting duty all the time. Of course, Brendon and Jon volunteer all the time to look after the kids, but they really like kids, while Spencer just tolerates them. He thinks that he might enjoy looking after them, though, under different circumstances.
Martha lets out a low whistle. "You have Weevils here too? Huh. That's surprising, there's not much love for non-humans these days." She steps to the side as a half-naked little boy runs past, shrieking with laughter. Veronica lumbers after him, growling the growl of the long suffering and put upon.
"Yeah, it's different for people who's first alien experience was with Them," Spencer says with a nod. They don't need to ask who he's talking about. No one says the name of the Toclafane, it's become sort of taboo, but everyone knows who you're talking about when you mention Them. It's like you can hear the capitalization.
"Yours wasn't?" Martha asks, raising an eyebrow.
Spencer grins. "Cheer coach with razor-sharp teeth and eyes on stalks tried to eat one of my best friends when I was sixteen," he tells her. Not that he and Brendon were all that close when the incident with the cheer coach happened, but it was a bonding experience. You never forget your first life-or-death situation. "My friends and I had a sort of... Extraterrestrial troubleshooting group before all this went down," he explains.
"I was in a hospital that got kidnapped by Judoon and sent to the moon a while back," Martha counters. "Had to keep a Plasmavore from killing half the planet."
"That's gotta be tough. We kinda kept to small stuff, though we sorta traveled all over the country for a while." Spencer misses traveling, even though half the time they were going insane inside the car, what with Brendon singing Disney songs and Ryan getting all jittery and wanting to make something, anything. They were on the road when they picked up Jon. Spencer has a soft spot for traveling.
That evening Spencer stays at the back of the crowd, leaning against Jon as everyone stands in hushed silence, listening to Martha Jones talk about the Doctor, talk about hope, and he makes a decision. When Martha finishes, Spencer turns and presses a gentle kiss to Jon's cheek, squeezing his hand. "I have to do something. I'll see you later," he says, and Jon nods and tells him to keep safe. It's something they've taken to always saying, even if they have no intention of leaving the camp. A little extra safety never hurts nowadays.
It doesn't take Spencer long to find Ryan, nor to find Martha afterwards. She's somehow managed to separate herself from all the people who want to ask her questions, and is sitting on a log, staring up at the stars. "Hey," he says quietly as he sits down beside her.
"Hey," she says back, not glancing at him. "You've done a good job with these people, Spencer Smith. You've kept them strong and fighting and full of hope."
He colors slightly, ducks his head. "Thanks, but everyone helped." She snorts, but he presses on before she can say anything. "Martha. I have to- The Doctor," he says, then pauses, trying to think of how to say this. "He's... not human, is he?"
"Does it really matter?" she asks, finally looking at him.
"Yeah. Yeah, it kinda really does," he says in a hushed tone. "Because, if he's not, then I think he might be the one Sarah Jane mentioned once, and." Spencer gulps. "And I need to know. If you've ever seen something like this." His fingers uncurl reluctantly, revealing the watch he borrowed from Ryan only a little earlier. He's sure it has to mean something, even though he never really thought about it before Sarah Jane mentioned it when he was fifteen. Brendon once said that the watch whispered secrets to him, in a language he couldn't understand but which was beautiful and haunting like an aching melody.
There's a sharp intake of breath, and Spencer doesn't have to even see Martha's face to know that she recognizes the watch. "Where did you get that," she demands, and it's not even a question, really. "It's not yours, is it?"
Spencer shakes his head vigorously. "No, no. Of course not. It's. It's my brother's. Ryan's." He glances at her anxiously. "You know what it is, then?"
Martha delicately takes the watch from Spencer, careful not to open it. "It's... a key. And a treasure chest. All in one," she says, and Spencer can tell that she's picking her words just as carefully as she picked up the watch. "I've seen two others before. The first one held something wonderful, and the second one something terrible."
"Please, I have to know," Spencer says anxiously. "What'll happen to Ryan if he opens it?"
She bites her lip and hands the watch back, shaking her head. "I don't know, Spencer. The Doctor might, but." She sighs and shakes her head again. "Not me. I'm sorry."
"Brendon said once that it sometimes sings to him," Spencer whispers, staring down at the seemingly innocuous timepiece. "Or maybe it was that it talks. He has a hard time differentiating between the two when it comes to thoughts, sometimes. But. He said that it sings, and it's beautiful but sad. Lonely."
Martha scoots closer and squeezes Spencer's arm. "I'll ask the Doctor when I see him," she tells him, and Spencer nods dumbly, because he almost doesn't want her to. "You make sure to keep that safe in the meantime," she orders. "You're holding someone's life in your hands."
Spencer nods again. He doesn't need her to tell him that - he knows that Ryan's life isn't the only one that hinges on whatever's inside the watch. He knows he'll quiz her on the details about the watch before she leaves, force her to abandon her cryptic remarks and tell him straight-out what the watch means. He also knows he can't do it right now, he doesn't have the strength for it.
The second time Spencer Smith meets Martha Jones, he doesn't remember their first meeting, because it never happened.
[ Brendon doesn't deal well with deadlines: ]
As the message is for him (for his father, technically, but really for any Smith who understands what it means), Spencer doesn't tell Ryan or Jon what Martha told him. But he does tell Brendon, because it's something Brendon deserves to hear.
Brendon's response is not what Spencer expects. "Good," he says when Spencer explains that, if this goes on for more than a year, Sarah Jane says the watch should be opened. "It needs to be done."
"He might change when it happens," Spencer cautions, because it's not really an 'if' in his mind anymore. "He might not remember us."
And yeah, Brendon looks worried at that, but there's still a determined set to his jaw. "You don't have to hear it, Spencer. You don't have to hear how lonely it is, how scared. How beautiful the music is - and the music is beautiful, but it can't share it with anyone, not really," Brendon says.
"Brendon...?" Spencer knows Brendon doesn't like to talk about what he hears from the watch, and it's surprising that he's volunteering the information now.
"There's a bit of Ryan inside, isn't there?" asks Brendon, and Spencer nods, because he's figured that much out from Sarah Jane's cryptic words over the years.
"It's..." Spencer sighs, because he's not sure how much Brendon knows, how much the watch has told him, how much he understands. "He's not human, Brendon."
From the look on Brendon's face, it's clear that that isn't what he expected to hear. "What?"
"Ryan. He isn't human. He's... well. I think he might be what the Master is."
"Ryan's not-!"
"Not like how he is, god. Well. At least I hope he isn't," Spencer says, rubbing his face. "Martha told me that the Master had a watch like Ryan's, and he went nearly his entire life without realizing what it was, and he was a nice guy, a really nice old man. Then he opened the watch and he changed." He doesn't say how the man - creature - alien - called the Master changed. They both know all too well - they're living it.
"Ryan wouldn't change like that," Brendon says stubbornly, glaring at Spencer. "The thing in the watch, it's not like that. It's a scared little kid, a little boy who just wants his mother. He doesn't want to hurt anyone."
"Brendon. It's not- Have you ever read The Treasure Box?" Spencer asks. Brendon bites is lip, glances away, and Spencer knows the answer is yes. "Just because it says it's your friend, just because it seems safe, that doesn't mean it is. There's a reason why opening the watch has always been a thing of last resort."
Brendon gulps and nods. "I know. I know, honestly I do. I just... I don't want to believe it is all," he mutters. "Thanks for telling me about the deadline," he says after a few minutes. "I really appreciate it." And even though he tells Spencer that he doesn't believe Ryan will change, even though he tells himself that he sincerely believes Ryan'll stay exactly the same, Brendon now feels like the deadline isn't so much one for Ryan as one for him. Like there's a deadline on a part of his life that never had a deadline before.
Which is why, when Ryan crawls into bed that night, Brendon presses up close to him and says a little breathlessly, "Ryan, Ryan Smith, I'm going to kiss you now because we could die at any moment and I've maybe kinda totally been a bit in love with you since junior year." And he frames Ryan's face and kisses him as hard as he can, as thoroughly as he can because. Because yeah, he's read The Treasure Box and he believes Spencer when he says Martha said Ryan might change completely, and Brendon'll be damned if he'll let that happen without his ever telling Ryan how he feels, without doing something.
Ryan's obviously surprised by the kiss, but he even if he doesn't return it, he also doesn't fight against it, and he's gone kind of slack-jawed so it's no trouble for Brendon to sneak his tongue in to explore Ryan's mouth like he's wanted to do for years.
When he pulls back, Brendon's panting slightly, and he just stares at Ryan and tries to summon some sort of- of courage or something, because god he just kissed Ryan, it's not like he's got anything else left to lose, really. "...Ryan?" he asks shakily. Ryan's just staring at him and not saying anything and. "Ryan, you have to say something, because, god, I'm totally freaking out here and I need to know if you're okay with this or if you want me to leave and go spend the night with, I dunno, Ray or Susie or someone, because I totally will, if that's what you-"
"Brendon. You talk too much. Shut up," Ryan says and oh god he's kissing Brendon now and this, this has to be a dream and it's the best damned dream Brendon's ever had and he hopes he never wakes up ever. Brendon's hands are twisting the front of Ryan's shirt, twisting and digging and tugging and he whines, begging because he wants Ryan closer, wants to eliminate any space, any air still between them, and he wants it now.
Unfortunately, air is kinda hard to do away with completely, since they still need to breathe, and yeah, okay, Brendon's definitely gotten better at this since when he was seventeen, but it's really hard to remember mechanics and technicalities and complicated things like breathing through his nose when he's kissing Ryan Smith. So they end up breaking apart after a few minutes, both of them flushed and panting for breath. Ryan takes advantage of them being apart to grab the hem of Brendon's shirt and tug it up over his head and off. "Fucking finally, Urie," he grumbles, eyes bright in the darkness of their room.
Brendon blinks, peering at him and kinda really wishing he still had his glasses on so he could really see Ryan. "Um, what?" he asks, voice breaking nervously.
"Five years," Ryan mutters, pulling off his own shirt and pressing up close against Brendon again, arms around Brendon's torso, mouth presses against Brendon's neck as he talks. "Five years of- of happiness and wonder and confusion and anxiety and, and everything." He pulls back slightly, staring at Brendon with somewhat-pained eyes. "Why didn't you do something sooner?" he asks plaintively.
"Wait, what?" Brendon asks, honestly confused now, because. Because near as he can figure, this is Ryan's roundabout way of saying that yeah, he's maybe been in love with Brendon for just as long as Brendon has been with him and it's Brendon's fault that they've been sorta awkwardly stuck in a platonic cuddle rut for most of that time. "Don't you try and pin the blame for this taking so long on me, Ryan Smith," he says sternly, frowning. "I kissed you first."
Ryan flushes and ducks his head and suddenly he's not this hot-handed, hormone-driven grump, suddenly he's just Ryan. Ryan who's always looked a bit confused and lost when confronted with Spencer and Jon pressed close together and trying to eat each other's faces off. Ryan who of course understands the concept of physical attraction and acts of affection but who's never got them. Not really. And Brendon remembers why he's been fine with just sleeping next to Ryan for the past three, four years. "...oh," he says softly. "You, um. You really didn't get it. Did you?" he asks, reaching out and gently stroking Ryan's cheek.
Ryan presses into Brendon's hand, practically purring at the touch. "Sorry," he mumbles. "It was. I mean, god, it seems so obvious to me now, but I." He shrugs. "It didn't before? I just didn't make the connection, and. Sorry."
And Brendon believes him, because bright as Ryan is - and really, Ryan's an absolute genius, everyone has always said so, even Andy (and Brendon bites his lip and sends up a silent prayer that Andy and FOB and all the others they've met over the years are alright) - when he doesn't see something, he just doesn't see it. He doesn't think of it, doesn't consider it, it doesn't even occur to him in the remotest sense. Like how he's completely oblivious to just how brilliant and amazing he is. "Hey. It's okay," Brendon says quietly, leaning their foreheads together. "You get it now, and, hey. I do too. Everything's going to work out." He smiles softly, warmly.
The smile Ryan gives in return is shy and weak. Nervous. Scared. "It might not. The world right now..." His eyes get a strange look in them, like he's stepping back and looking at everything from a great distance. It's something Ryan does sometimes, and it's so disconcerting that Brendon unconsciously shivers. "The world isn't right," Ryan says with a frown. "It's. There's something broken. The Master did something and it. Broke. It's not working right. I don't know... I don't know how to fix it, Brendon, and people are getting hurt, people are dying, have died, and I want to be doing something, I should be doing something, but I don't know what, don't know how to do it, and it's." He growls with frustration and shakes his head slightly, angrily.
It's like watching a small child who's trying to tie his shoe and getting frustrated because he just doesn't have the dexterity to manage it, Brendon thinks. Ryan knows he can save the world, but he just... doesn't know how. He's missing some vital component, some important thing, and it's driving him up the wall. Even if this is all fixed before they reach Sarah Jane's deadline of June, Brendon thinks he might still make Ryan open the watch. Because he doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve to be constantly reaching for something he can't quite grasp. And if Ryan turns out to be as bad as the Master, if he just ends up destroying the world the rest of the way, Brendon thinks it just might be worth it.
Brendon swallows nervously and bites his lip, because it occurs to him that if he's willing to let a world die just so that Ryan can be happy, he's probably a lot more than "a bit" in love with Ryan. Leaning forward slightly, he kisses Ryan, a gentle, chaste pressing together of their lips. "Everything's going to work out," Brendon says again. "You're going to fix it, I know you are."
"Brendon..."
"No, Ryan, this is one thing you're not allowed to argue with me about. You're going to save the world. I'll make sure of it," he says fiercely, because he doesn't know about Martha Jones' Doctor, doesn't know what he can manage, but he does know Ryan. Ryan can fix anything.
Ryan laughs and shakes his head, burying his face against Brendon's neck. "God. Only you would say something so- so-"
"Truthful?" Brendon suggests, and they both laugh this time, long and low and Brendon sighs contentedly. The world's ending all around him, but somehow, somehow when he's lying pressed up against Ryan it really does seem like it's all going to work out in the end. Smiling, he snuggles up and closes his eyes. Maybe they'll get lucky, and one day they'll wake up and find that all of this was just a bad dream.
It could happen. Right now, anything seems possible.
[ The year that never was: ]
In the end, Martha Jones' Doctor does save the world, but no one realizes it. No one knows it except for Martha and her Doctor and a small handful of others, most of them members of Martha's family.
It turns out that Ryan was right about there being something wrong with the world, something broken. The Master was able to do what he did because he'd built a paradox machine, something that would allow two timelines to coexist simultaneously, allow the people from the future of one timeline to come back and destroy their ancestors without destroying themselves. When the machine is unplugged and dismantled, the past year is destroyed as well, along everything that'd happened since the moment the Toclafane arrived and began their reign of terror under the Master's command. Everything goes back to square one, and, while all the dead are alive again (Spencer and Ryan's parents, Brendon's family, Jon's cat, Brent Wilson, the Way brothers, all of them), all that happened during that year, during the year that never was, it vanishes, ceases to be, never took place.
All of it.
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 7 | part 8