My dysfunctional life.
WELL I failed. I was going 50 in a 45 and i failed like 100 feet from the fricken end of the test. Yea........
Then I just started crying. My dad was like Crissy you can re-take it next friday. Then I went on my how speel on how well it doesn't matter I'll never have a car, gas is gonna be like3 dollars, I don't have a job. THen I was like you know I didn't even get a single thing for my 16th birthday unlike candace. And I was like I'm not being greedy, I know you couldn't afford anything but my mom could....she gave candace 500 on her 16th. I feel like my family would be better off if I just disappeared. He was like you can re-take it and it will be fine, at least you were "speeding" and you didn't mess up on something completely idiotic. I just ponder why can't one thing in my life be normal or good. I fail at absolutely everything. I tried to explain to him I'm not crying bc of the test but b/c of everything. I just want to be put out of my misery. I can take it. I can't stand the fact that nothing is right up there, and everyone wares these plastic smiles, and deep down they're screaming. I didn't eat all day, b/c my nerves were so shot I just felt sick. After the test dad I worked on Shipton's deck for a while. It's hard work. I met the multi-millionaire neighbor....he was super nice. I was excited about that. I'm going to get my senior pictures taken at Shipton's house someday....it is a lake front on a hill over looking the lake.....and the house is amazing. So after we worked we went home and we just sat on his bed watching t.v. together like when I was really little. We talked and stuff...but were both so depressed it's pathetic. So then we went out for dinner at station 5. I saw Brian Unger my first friend I ever made at Conneaut Lake highshool, and that was kind of a sentimental moment for me b/c well no one talked to me my first weeks. It was awful, I'm such a sociable person, and I was left all alone in a new place. Dad bought 5.00$ worth of 50/50 tickets for me and well they called one number and it was one of mine. I won 383$.....but of course it's dads. I mean he really needs it anyways to get his truck inspected....it's like 3 months off. He gave me 30$ of it....even though I didn't want it. I just want him to get his life fixed, and make sure my little brother never has to feel the way I did. Evrytime me and him go somewhere I win money for him, he even said when we walked in he had his lucky charm. ON the way home we both were glowing, it amde us feel a lot better. We got home and dad blared the stereo and all the sudden the one blown speaker started working....so he killed my ears for like 5 mintues then let me watch t.v. peacefully. I love my dad. A girl from c lake highschool at station 5 was like you look so much like your dad....haha well I don't care cuz everyone thinks he's good looking lol. Dad and I even bought D.j. Allergy medicine and he made me help him pick out a good colgone....well adidas moves was 25% off....so I told him there ya go! For his birthday I hope to have enough money to get him this awesome tool belt he wants....it's pretty expensive....cuz his is terribly worn out. Since I was little I would save all my money up for my dads birthday and christmas presents.....and I'm still going to do that. On the way home tonight we went to Wal-Mart and tried to pick out new blankets for his bed.....cuz none match lol. Well bad idea we couldn't figure out what size it was, or what color we liked. So we guessed. hah. He said he has never had new sheets in his entire life! I was like WTF?! But I guess thats accurate b/c my great grandpa was a very conservative man and we have all his old stuff, and it was like brand new.
Coming home sucked. Mom started on me and I looked at her and said I'm sucha wreck....and she backed off. And then i just started crying again. She actually came to my bedroom door wanting to come in. She was like how bad is it up there.....I didn't reply....b/c she feeds off of my dads misfortunes like you wouldn't believe.
That leads us to now. I couldn't sleep I had to get all of this off my chest.
I feel better turning my emotions into text it puts them some where else.
Tomorrow is the MCUSA competition at Allegheny.....I'm going to be in such a sad mood all day, that I'll be fighting to keep it together.....well I gotta get up at 5:50 tomorrow I better try and sleep.
Then I just started crying. My dad was like Crissy you can re-take it next friday. Then I went on my how speel on how well it doesn't matter I'll never have a car, gas is gonna be like3 dollars, I don't have a job. THen I was like you know I didn't even get a single thing for my 16th birthday unlike candace. And I was like I'm not being greedy, I know you couldn't afford anything but my mom could....she gave candace 500 on her 16th. I feel like my family would be better off if I just disappeared. He was like you can re-take it and it will be fine, at least you were "speeding" and you didn't mess up on something completely idiotic. I just ponder why can't one thing in my life be normal or good. I fail at absolutely everything. I tried to explain to him I'm not crying bc of the test but b/c of everything. I just want to be put out of my misery. I can take it. I can't stand the fact that nothing is right up there, and everyone wares these plastic smiles, and deep down they're screaming. I didn't eat all day, b/c my nerves were so shot I just felt sick. After the test dad I worked on Shipton's deck for a while. It's hard work. I met the multi-millionaire neighbor....he was super nice. I was excited about that. I'm going to get my senior pictures taken at Shipton's house someday....it is a lake front on a hill over looking the lake.....and the house is amazing. So after we worked we went home and we just sat on his bed watching t.v. together like when I was really little. We talked and stuff...but were both so depressed it's pathetic. So then we went out for dinner at station 5. I saw Brian Unger my first friend I ever made at Conneaut Lake highshool, and that was kind of a sentimental moment for me b/c well no one talked to me my first weeks. It was awful, I'm such a sociable person, and I was left all alone in a new place. Dad bought 5.00$ worth of 50/50 tickets for me and well they called one number and it was one of mine. I won 383$.....but of course it's dads. I mean he really needs it anyways to get his truck inspected....it's like 3 months off. He gave me 30$ of it....even though I didn't want it. I just want him to get his life fixed, and make sure my little brother never has to feel the way I did. Evrytime me and him go somewhere I win money for him, he even said when we walked in he had his lucky charm. ON the way home we both were glowing, it amde us feel a lot better. We got home and dad blared the stereo and all the sudden the one blown speaker started working....so he killed my ears for like 5 mintues then let me watch t.v. peacefully. I love my dad. A girl from c lake highschool at station 5 was like you look so much like your dad....haha well I don't care cuz everyone thinks he's good looking lol. Dad and I even bought D.j. Allergy medicine and he made me help him pick out a good colgone....well adidas moves was 25% off....so I told him there ya go! For his birthday I hope to have enough money to get him this awesome tool belt he wants....it's pretty expensive....cuz his is terribly worn out. Since I was little I would save all my money up for my dads birthday and christmas presents.....and I'm still going to do that. On the way home tonight we went to Wal-Mart and tried to pick out new blankets for his bed.....cuz none match lol. Well bad idea we couldn't figure out what size it was, or what color we liked. So we guessed. hah. He said he has never had new sheets in his entire life! I was like WTF?! But I guess thats accurate b/c my great grandpa was a very conservative man and we have all his old stuff, and it was like brand new.
Coming home sucked. Mom started on me and I looked at her and said I'm sucha wreck....and she backed off. And then i just started crying again. She actually came to my bedroom door wanting to come in. She was like how bad is it up there.....I didn't reply....b/c she feeds off of my dads misfortunes like you wouldn't believe.
That leads us to now. I couldn't sleep I had to get all of this off my chest.
I feel better turning my emotions into text it puts them some where else.
Tomorrow is the MCUSA competition at Allegheny.....I'm going to be in such a sad mood all day, that I'll be fighting to keep it together.....well I gotta get up at 5:50 tomorrow I better try and sleep.